Thinking About Leaving the Church?

(By Diego Cuartas) 

The thought of leaving the church, the local body of believers, is probably one of those thoughts that every believer has wrestled with at some point and I suspect more often than not.

In recent weeks I have been drawn to this subject, given that in church ministry this is an ongoing reality to be dealt with. A word picture that best describes this dynamic is the word wave. At one point the wave is low, and then it comes in stronger. As I reflect on this interesting dynamic, I see that this may be one of the most common threats the church of God is experiencing in our day. In some ways, the dynamic seems ironic. How is it that the people, who have been rescued from their own ways, reconciled with Christ and baptized into the one body, find it easy to practice not the “leaving and cleaving” but rather “cleaving and leaving”? I realize I am using a phrase that points to covenant relationship between a man and a woman as prescribed by God in the book of Genesis. However, the relationship between believers is nothing less than based on the greatest form of covenant ever- a people betrothed through the covenant blood of Jesus.

Should we never find reasons to wisely consider leaving our fellowship within a local body and join another? I do believe there are clear provisions made to discern if this should even be considered. Biblically speaking, we are given instructions on how to approach conflict with other believers (Mt.18), how to approach elders against whom you may have an accusation or a charge (1 Tim. 5:19-20), how to regard spiritual authority over us (Heb.13:17) and when to question their standards (1 Pet. 5:3, 1 Tim. 3:1-3). Furthermore, we are instructed to consider “overlooking” certain faults (Prov. 12:16) or even apply our love in a way that it “covers multitude” of sins (1 Pet. 4:8).

What I want to discourage in our common day is a low view of the Body of Christ, which is reflected in the way some deal with personal conflict or disappointment. The reality is that though we are the people of God, the presence of sin is still an obvious characteristic of those who have fallen short of His glory. So when we participate in the life and service of a local body, we need to bring or recover a mentality of “leaving and cleaving”. What that means is that having cleared up the way behind us, we now use our strength to cleave unto this group of people, the community of faith with whom God has blessed us for good! We participate in a way in which we seek the “common good” by fostering the life of Christ in others and bringing to the table what Christ has invested in us (1 Cor. 12).

Ready for this? I am a pastor, and in the years I have served I have been bombarded with innumerable thoughts that seek to justify quitting the local body. So you are not alone if you have or are struggling with thoughts of this nature. What I have learned are simple lessons that I hope may offer you perspective. I have learned that it is important to bring to God my disappointments and to ask Him to shepherd me through those. I have found it helpful to share what I am thinking with someone mature in whom I can confide. Often times when I let the thoughts “fester” in my mind, they gain too much influence over me. The more I stay just with me and my thoughts, the more I become subjective and more distorted in my thinking. Considering the Word of God is essential to keeping our hearts walking in the integrity of His will and the process that is driving us to a specific action. Recently, through another pastor, I learned that sometimes I need to fight (because I am being attacked in the spiritual realm) and sometimes the issue is that I need to grow up (because I am immature).

Here is my last appeal to you. The clearest evidence to the world that we are the disciples we claim to be, happens when we “love each other” in real time and life (Jn. 13:35). I believe the present wave of people leaving the church does not add to this testimony, but, on the contrary, in most cases it takes away from it.

Thinking about leaving the church? Think again, but do it biblically and wisely. The matter you are facing may reveal that you need to grow up or fight a spiritual enemy or perhaps leave.

You are NOT alone! Top 10 Words of Wisdom from CCEF Conference

Sherry Engel

This past weekend I had the amazing opportunity to attend the Christian Counseling Education Foundation conference in Frisco, Texas.  It was an uplifting experience, with great insights into relationships with each other and with our triune God.  I thought I’d share my top ten pieces of wisdom gained.  You can find more info on these great sessions as well at www.CCEF.org. 

1. God is intentional with His relationships.  He sought you. ~ David Powilson

• When you feel alone, what can you do to recall the intentional, pursuing love that God has for you?

2. All relationships, and each interaction within that relationship, are intentional.  You are either building bridges or walls. ~ David Powilson

• Take one person, think about your interactions with them.  What are you doing to build bridges or walls?

3. Jesus keeps us warm because this world is cold.  ~Elyse Fitzpatrick

4. Dating is a mutual ministry, mutual delight.  ~ Alasdair Groves

• Are you and the person you are dating pointing each other to Christ? Helping each other grow spiritually?

5. The role of a friend is to help you renarrate your life in the light of Jesus Christ. ~ Mike Emlet

• How intentional are you with your friendships?  Do you know people well enough to do this?

6. Definition of compassion:  Being moved by the hardships of another.  Truly bearing the other person’s burden.  Compassion breaks through isolation.  Jesus enters into our hardships.  He is moved.  He acts. ~ Ed Welch

• How are you showing compassion to those closest to you?

7. The Holy Spirit doesn’t just represent the power of Christ, but the very Presence of Christ.  You are NOT alone. ~ Winston T Smith

• Can you think of one verse that demonstrates Jesus’ presence with us through the Holy Spirit?

8. God  creates.  The world corrupts.  We must build bridges with our children to help them interpret life in Godly ways.  We must pursue our children and be intentional in our discussions. ~ Julie Lowe

• What barriers do you find in building these bridges with your children?

9. With false peace, comes bad fruit.  Conflict is necessary.  Jesus uses it. ~ Cecelia Bernhardt

• What are you avoiding that is leading to bad fruit?

10. Marriage without friendship is the worst isolation.  Church without friendship is the worst isolation.  A friend is present and open his heart and mind to you. ~ Ed Welch

• Are you present in your friendships? Do you have an open heart and mind?  Are you intentionally seeking others?

Hey Look Out!

(By Tammy Vaughn) 

I was attending a picnic earlier this summer.  I was walking along a path and a friend was following behind me. We were carrying our stuff to a picnic table. Our hands were full and the load was heavy. She was walking in front of me and I was following behind her. She saw a huge hole in the ground and brought it to my attention.  She was alerting me so that I could change where I was walking since I was heading into a place of danger. I quickly changed direction; I listened to her and moved away from the hole and walked on solid ground. Had she not alerted me to the hole, I would have walked right into it. If I had fallen into this hole, I could have hurt myself severely. I could have fallen down, twisted my ankle, wrecked my knee or gotten other injuries, not to mention the embarrassment I was spared. I was grateful she told me and even more grateful that I listened.

I thought to myself, this is how Christian friendship and accountability should be. It’s like Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, “Two People are better than one. They can help each other in everything they do. Suppose someone falls down. Then his friend can help him up. But suppose the man who falls down doesn’t have anyone to help him up. Then feel sorry for him!” (NIRV)

It is helpful as Christians when we are able to see things that could be pitfalls in the lives of our Christian friends. Before I move on, I am not saying we should go around and alert everybody of potential pitfalls.  I am talking about when you have earned the right to speak into someone’s life or feel God is directing you to speak to a person about these pitfalls. 

It is very helpful when a friend looks out for you spiritually and warns you of possible danger.  It is a humbling experience to be the one bringing the warning as well as the one being warned. It takes great courage to be both.  It also takes great courage to follow a warning. When we choose to follow direction it can be life-changing. 

As I have reflected back to times in my life that I have followed warnings my friends have given me, I often see that I avoided being easily entangled and engulfed in behavior and thoughts that do not line up with Christ and his word.  When I have been the person warning, it can be humbling and uncomfortable. “God, you want me to say what?”  Often times, friends have come back and expressed thanks.  There have been times when I have been warned and do not see the potential danger myself, but due to the trust that I have with the person and with the Holy Spirit that leads them, I follow the advice.  I will never know the amount of snags that have been adverted by humbly following a warning.

In closing, it is important to saturate yourself in the Word of God daily and be led by His Holy Spirit. Measure everything people speak into your life through the filter of God’s Word.  Having said that, it is also important and life-changing to live in an attitude of humility where we are open to the warnings of other Christians.  Humbly following a warning can help us as Christians stay out of unnecessary trouble and sin.  Humbly warning others can also help them stay out of pitfalls and sin.  This could potentially save everybody a lot of time, embarrassment, spiritual and even physical harm. 

Where in your life has God used someone else to warn you of an area of sin in your life?  When has God wanted to use you to bring a warning to someone else? 

Putting the 4 Handles Into Practice

Sarah Howard

Have any of you tried to work all this Gospel Thinking stuff out in a real life arena yet? It’s life-changing stuff! But it’s also really hard-to-work-through stuff. I’ve been wrestling with what it looks like to let the Gospel into my thoughts and emotions in the area of my friendships. I’ve found that relationships and being ‘wanted’ are a huge part of how I define myself, where I find my identity. I’ve also found that there’s A LOT of ‘False Gospel Thinking’ going on in this head of mine when it comes to friendships, what people think of me, and where I choose to find my value.

For example, take this past sermon about God’s Hesed. Hesed is God’s eternal, loving devotion towards His people to always do good to them. That’s not really the schema that I have in my head when I wake up in the morning. I tend to more follow the ‘False Gospel Thinking’ pattern of thinking:

• ‘Who am I? Who is God?’: My answer usually is that I’m a person who’s insecure in and unsure of my worth.

• ‘What’s wrong with my world?’: I usually feel that I live in a competitive world where it feels like people are valued and wanted based on their performance, and I really feel like I need people’s approval to be ok with myself. 

• ‘What need to be done to fix my world?’: I need to perform well enough: I need to dress in style, portray a sense of security and confidence in myself, have a beautiful house, be funny, parent my children the way everyone else does, be skinny, and on and on and on. 

• ‘What will my world look like when it’s all ‘right?’’: My desire is that I’ll be loved and wanted and basically worshipped by all people. 

Pretty sick, right? In the end, I want the world to revolved around me. But Gospel Thinking is so opposite of how I naturally tend to think. My Creation Story (the answer to ‘Who is God? Who am I?’) when I’m tuned into the Gospel doesn’t start with me and leave God out of the picture anymore. It starts with God: it’s that I’m loved by Him. Loved deeply. Loved eternally. That He’s devoted to lovingly doing good to me. So guess what that ‘doing good’ translates into? I’m wanted. I’m seen. I’m known. I’m approved of. I’m treated by God the way Jesus deserves to be treated: as the precious and beloved only child of God. 

When that first question, the Creation Story question, is answered in the context of the Gospel and God’s Hesed, all the other questions that follow (what’s wrong with my world, what’s the fix, what will it look like when it’s right) are going to be answered completely differently, due to the shift in my Creation Story. I haven’t really figured out yet what that looks like, but I do know one thing: His love is settling and life-altering. When the Gospel starts to infiltrate my thinking and my believing, my whole world and mission in life are radically altered. The end result isn’t that I’m pushing to be worshipped anymore. Instead it’s that God will be worshipped. 

Anyways, that’s one way I’ve tried to process all of this. How about you? Have you tried working out these handles for ‘Gospel Thinking’ in any of your own real life areas?

Physical Therapy or Patiently Trusting

 (By Lois Robinson)

The 2 questions I am constantly asked are “How’s your knee doing?” and “How’s your summer going?” I appreciate people asking me and taking an interest in my life! In answering those questions, it has led me to realize that both the knee and summer fun are closely linked together and serve as huge frustrations for me. The life that I once knew of working hard Monday through Thursday and then resting, worshiping and playing Friday through Sunday, has dramatically changed. Life is now consumed with a battle of the mind, body and spirit as I daily walk through physical therapy, heating pads, ice packs when needed, special chairs to sit in to control back/neck spasms, what trips away can look like with so many limitations, CPM machine and waking up 5-6 times per night trying to get comfortable. In addition to the above, I need to monitor medications to keep it all under control as well. It really works on my brain, heart and life perspective. UGH!!

How’s my summer going? My answer is usually a short one: “Well, nothing really changes for me during the summer except the weather.” Short and sweet :)

Where is God in all of this? Why is He allowing this to be such an extended trial? What am I supposed to be learning? Am I doing something wrong? Not enough exercises? Too many exercises? Wrong set of doctors? Am I getting addicted to these medications? What if I stay this way the rest of my life? ‘Oh Abba, Save Me!” This is my daily battle of the mind and heart. It is no easy task to wrestle for truth in all of this.

I have recognized and am reminded frequently that God is all over this situation! Where, you may ask? Let me try and explain the best that I can.

When this “slight sprain of the knee” occurred 3 years ago, I was told that I needed surgery. I was shocked. At that moment I knew I needed the prayer warriors to start praying. SURGERY?! I thought this was a sprain! LFA had a healing service shortly after and asked me to pray for people. I knew I needed prayer before I prayed over anyone else. I had nothing to give. I felt led to go to one of my pastors for prayer. He began to pray for me, laying his hands on my head. I began to feel a heat pour down over my head and through my body. This, I have come to understand, is the manifestation of the Spirit of God. God reminded me at that point that He was in control of everything. Since then, I have undergone 3 surgeries, all resulting in high levels of pain, confusion and physical therapy. Life has drastically changed for me, but I have never forgotten that moment when God reminded me of His presence and sovereignty.

I see God teaching me how to be Jesus in the physical therapy office and teaching me that I am only experiencing a taste of what others with lifetime challenges face. How pain and suffering easily causes one to go into isolation, depression, feeling all alone in the battle. Teaching me how HUGE it is to be and live in community. Teaching me to fight for Truth. Teaching me that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Teaching my heart how to have more compassion for those with long term struggles with pain and suffering. Teaching me to trust Him in all things! Ultimately, the most valuable lesson has been that He is showing my heart a closer look at sharing in the sufferings of Christ.

Could this season of suffering, confusion and pain be a valuable part of the principle of working my salvation out with fear and trembling? I think so. This moves me into a place of gratitude and humility rather than arrogance and impatience. It postures my heart toward a loving God rather than an invisible God that has forgotten me.

I wonder what it is that you suffer with. Suffering is universal. However, our perspectives on suffering tend to differ. Everyone has a choice in how they view the suffering and how they respond in the suffering. Some tend to blame God, some ignore it, some worship it and some view it as a transformation season that pushes us into the arms of Jesus in order to know His heart more. What do you tend to do? Do you blame God, ignore it, worship it or view it as part of your transformation process?

I would encourage you to take a couple of next steps. Check out Isaiah 46:4 and take a deeper look at the places you experience suffering. A movie that had a huge impact on me was “The Passion of the Christ.” It depicted how Jesus our King responded to suffering. Particularly in the last part of the movie, He trusted and lived out His purpose and worshiped His Abba.

Image Bearers

(By Thor Knutstad)

Many people come to me throughout the day for counsel and advice. They want answers and they desire to be fixed or have their situation and context changed. But what they really want is courage and comfort. They want encouragement and affirmation of what the Spirit of God is already doing inside of them and outside of their situation. They are not looking for answers, though they often would disagree. They want to be known - really known - and understood in their human souls on deeper levels. This craving exists not in weakness but mainly in being an Image Bearer. You are an Image Bearer of God. We all are.

My sons are image bearers of me. They are unlike me yet quite a lot like me in many, many ways. They bear my image and my nature, though they are uniquely designed and created by God. They do resemble me- they look like me and sometimes even act like me- Lord help them. I want my children to KNOW me - to see my faults, my struggles, my strengths, my desires and the very being of my heart. This reveals who I am but also gives them the inner edge of knowing who they are as well. It is the genius of a Father's Grand Design- we are more like Him (yes, God) than unlike Him. Are we sinners? Absolutely. Mini self serving sovereigns? Sometimes. Desperately in need of Christ's saving work? Fully! But also, we are Princes and Princesses of the King. As honored sons and daughters, He is our inheritance and we will reign with Him. We are Royalty. We wear those crowns and robes.

Dear friends, don't condemn or accuse yourself with this biblically assumed fact that is oft overlooked- You are God's Child, His Offspring. Man- His ruddy and handsome son. Woman- His beautiful and decorated daughter. Simply stated and with simple meaning. If you have children or love children or love a child (all of you!), then you know the heart of your Father, our Glorious God. He made you to bear His Image. Why? Because it's really who you are already anyway. You are His Image.

He's just showing you what's already there and will stop at nothing to make you and me look more like His Son, King Jesus. It's right when you think you look just like Him that you hover near legalism and being a Pharisee - one who stands above another sinful Image bearer brother or sister and says, "Thank God I'm not like him (or her)." I'd rather you and I be the chest-beating, honest sinners who crave The Image but daily cower before our great God asking for mercy because we are moving toward His Image; His Image requires and demands it. Shepherd well your ambassadorship, oh dear Princess and Prince. The King is not so interested in you earning a crown but in showing you that you already wear it and resemble Him and bear the mark of His Holy name. Just like my hand holds the one of my son Bryn, so His (my Lord God's) firmly holds mine- and yours, too. Praise Him.

The Answer Is Blowin' In The Wind

Dominick Baruffi

“I have a hard time with decisions.”

That’s the first thing I typed out a few minutes ago when I started writing. Almost immediately my fingers flashed to the backspace key, and my sentence was deleted. No, I thought. That’s not right. After thinking about it for a minute, I realized it’s not making decisions I have a hard time with. Really, it’s options. 

I am terrible with options. I’d like to think I’m a pretty simple guy; in my mind, options only complicate things. For example, if you’re ever out to dinner with me, just watch what happens when the waitress hands me the menu. I react like I’ve just been given a math test. Right away, I will unfold my exam and begin to scan the lists of tasty dishes and their one-line summaries, all while my brain, stomach, and taste buds form a panel of judges to decide for me what my best choice is. Sometimes I will pick my head up just so I remember to breathe. 

And as ridiculous as this sounds, I think you know what I’m talking about. You might not have trouble picking between your red shirt and your blue shirt in the morning like I do, but I bet you know where I’m coming from. It’s usually not the decisions between good and bad we have a hard time with, is it? The trouble comes when we have to choose between good and good. Or good and better. Obviously, there is no “right” answer when you’re choosing your entrée at a restaurant. It’s just a matter of what you want most, what you think is best. 

This issue is all the more complicated by the fact that I claim to be a Christian and I have the whole issue of God’s will to contend with. Now, don’t misunderstand me; I don’t think it really matters to God whether I get lo-mien or pork-fried rice at the Chinese buffet tonight (because really, I’m going to regret my decision either way in the morning, so why complicate things?). But what about all the important decisions I have coming up in the next year? Where should I live? Should I change jobs? How much should my wedding cost? What if I don’t choose what God wants me to choose? Does God work like that?

Lots of options. And lots of opportunities to be wrong.

And that’s the issue for me. I just don’t want to be wrong. I’m tired of following my own way, a way that is inherently self-indulgent and always leaves me worse off than before. I want my life to count. I want to do something worthwhile. I want to matter in the grand scheme of things. And I think the problem is I view life as just that: a grand problem that I’m supposed to solve. And in case you’re wondering, I stink at math.

* * * * * 

Let me throw a verse out to you:

“The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." ~John 3:8

This verse comes from the conversation Jesus has with Nicodemus about being born again. When Nicodemus asks Jesus if being born again means literally re-entering his mother’s womb, Jesus explains to him that it is not a rebirth of the body that takes place but a birthing of the Spirit of God in our own soul. It is a joining of our heart and will and desires with the heart and will and desires of the living God. Jesus uses the wind metaphor here to illustrate how the Spirit moves in us. It is not something we can calculate or predict through the use of a formula, nor is it something we can measure and record. Heck, we can’t even see it. But we feel it. We know it’s there. 

You know what this is like, don’t you? You’ve been there. You’ve been in a situation before, and you had no idea why, but you felt as though you were being pulled in a direction, almost like an internal compass was showing you the way. Maybe it pointed you in a direction that forced you to go down roads you hoped never to go down (or go down again), but nevertheless the arrow pointed true. This is what being led by the Spirit is like. It is wild. It is unpredictable. And it is unbelievable.

I have found that I am most myself when I see Dominick the way God sees Dominick, and the only way that happens is when I close the door and open the Word, or take a walk, or pull out my journal, or dialogue with the Father throughout the course of my day. I guess the specifics of how aren’t quite as important as the intention behind it; it’s getting to know the heart of God, however that may look. And time in His presence yields a surprising result: we are transformed.

So today, slow yourself down a bit, enough that you can feel the wind blow; let it guide you, scary as it may be, wherever it will. It might not help you order dinner, but it will lead you to life.

How Dysfunctional Is Our Family? Not Yours, Ours.

(By Diego Cuartas)

Recent interactions with people within the church have left me wondering how we are doing when it comes to relating to the Body of Christ and modeling relationships after the character of our Covenant Father. There seems to be a revolving door through which men and women, believers from all kinds of walks, come and go because they are not staying long.

I remember my family of origin had a unique characteristic that was both an asset and a liability. If I can say it this way, we were plainly nice at any cost. The asset helped us on the one hand to find ways to be hospitable and allowed us to connect with others in ways that would help them feel welcomed and cared for. The liability reared its head when tension or conflict was present with another person and being lovingly honest with them seemed like too big of a price to pay. Growing up in my family context shaped me in ways that I am sure account in part for the dysfunctional or distorted view I developed of people. I began to view people as really BIG at the expense of reducing God’s size to a smaller one. People-pleasing became one of my normal currencies in my relational exchanges with people. It was not long into my young adult years that I realized how dysfunctional my contribution to friends, coworkers, family, dating and even serving others was. There is no doubt that my relating patterns were now reflecting in some way my family value called “niceness”.

A verse I had journaled back in February of this year describes for me the character of our heavenly Father, which He in turn desires for us to reflect in our relationships with other believers within the Body of Christ. Consider with me this precious statement presented in Deuteronomy 4:31:

“For the Lord your God is a merciful God. He will not leave you or destroy you or forget the covenant with your fathers that he swore to them.”

Notice that our heavenly Father regards His relationship with us as a covenant. Granted, this is a very unbalanced covenant because He is willing to contribute His best and most even though we fall short of meeting his personal expectations and standards. Thanks be to God that this is not how we are to always live. When we are in Christ, the disproportion of this covenant is leveled by a mercy that satisfies the deepest longings of our Father. We could say that the commitment God has toward us is only based on the sacrifice made by another. Furthermore, we learn that this Father will never leave us or destroy us. No matter what happens, He will not forget that what joins us to Him is the covenant He initiated and facilitated through the blood of His own Son.

Why then do we enter and exit relationships with others within the Body of Christ so easily? How deep is our commitment? How long is our forbearance? How merciful is our heart? I believe the dysfunctional symptoms we experience in the present time within our local communities of faith can’t be healed by treating the community as a whole. The renewing in the way we do relationships will happen when each individual takes a step- a step that is in keeping with our Covenant Father. Where we learn from Him and lean on His resources until all possible ones have been exhausted. Where we bring honestly our personal poverty so that richness can be ours at the end. Where we fight for unity. And only after we have prayed and exhausted all the possible resources given to us will we say it’s time to part ways. I hope with time the revolving door will move slower only to give entrance to newcomers!

If you are in need of practical ways to do your part in bringing health to our dysfunctional family, I encourage you to read and follow the Apostle Paul’s prescriptions of our Covenant Father found in Ephesians 4.

Homerun

Sarah Howard

I’ve been pretty discouraged about the state of my house recently.  The other day my in-laws came over to take my 2 daughters out to lunch.  I was hoping to meet them at the door and send the girls off without a trip inside to see the new level of squalor we had stooped to.  Unfortunately, I missed that window of opportunity by being upstairs when they arrived, so I had to face the inevitable: someone’s entrance into my house. When they stepped inside, there really wasn’t any place for them to even stand.  They had to kind of step inside the door and stop cold because there literally was no place to step without stepping on something.  When they brought the girls back home after their date, Ava, my oldest, went upstairs to use the bathroom.  As I’m swaddling up my youngest to get her ready for a nap, I catch the words, “Oh, we forgot to give Ava a goodbye kiss” come out of my mother-in-law’s mouth.  Oh dear.  Inwardly, I am cringing.  This is going to be embarrassing.  Climbing those stairs is going to be more like ascending Mount Everest for all the crap they’re going to have to vault over to make it upstairs.  When they reached the bathroom, not only do they still have nowhere to even stand, but this time, it’s not only toys that are littering the floor, but also underwear.  Cute.  

Of course, it’s not always that bad.  We usually have space to at least walk in our house.  But at least one room is almost always a mess. It just seems like as soon as I get one room looking somewhat picked-up, another room seems to explode.  Or I get the house more or less cleaned up one day, and the next it’s looking like I haven’t cleaned in months.  

In the past, I haven’t been too bothered by all this.  I would just keep plugging along, cleaning up.  Last month, though, I started getting frustrated.  I started grumbling under my breath.  I thought up a derogatory name for our house (which would be inappropriate for me to share on a church blog).  I couldn’t get that nickname for our house out of my mind and it was making me angrier every time I thought of it. But more than being frustrated, I started asking myself questions.  

I started wondering if my messy house meant something more than a messy house.  I started wondering if it meant that I was failing as a mom.  I started thinking of all my mom-friends that have spotless houses.  Now, I know any mom-friend would say that their house is not spotless, but in my mind it seemed like everyone else had a spotless house.  Like everyone else could keep up with these mom-responsibilities…and I couldn’t.  In my mind, it seemed like my messy house was condemning me as a bad mom.

One night in the middle of this ‘messy house = failure mom’ mental struggle, my husband and I watched a baseball movie together.  Not really where I’d expect God to show up.  Not really where I’d expect Him to speak into my questions about my worth as a woman.  But He did.

There I am, watching this baseball movie that’s all about scouting and money and statistics, when this stunning scene hits me right smack in the middle of my ‘Is everyone else in the whole world able to keep up except me?’ struggle.  In the movie, the main character is a baseball scout who tries to change the inner workings of the game by using a technique of team development that no one else has ever tried before.  He takes a team that is destined to lose, due to lack of financial resources, and turns them into an almost-winning team.

The main character has done something completely incredible in the game of baseball.  What he did, when seen from an objective point of view, was a complete success.  He brought the team from loss after loss to win after win.  I don’t remember the exact stats, but it was stunning what he did.  At the end of the season, though, he feels like a complete loser, because he didn’t reach his ideal of winning the World Series.  

In this scene at the end of the movie, the main character is talking to his assistant about how he failed, and the assistant insists that his boss sees a video clip of a baseball player.  The video was of a player who would always, always, always only make it to first base.  He never hit more than a single.  The video clip showed the one time the man decided to run to second base, and what he had always feared, happened: he fell down as he was rounding, and ended up having to scramble back to first base on his stomach.  How embarrassing!  But then the clip shows everyone on the field yelling, telling him to get up and run.  That’s when he realizes that he actually hit a home run, without even knowing it!   Here he is, feeling like a complete failure, when he actually hit a home run.  And through this video, the scout’s assistant is basically telling the main character that even though he lost the World Series, even though it wasn’t perfectly ideal, he still ‘hit a home run’ that season. 

When I saw that scene, of both the player hitting a home run without even knowing it, and of the scout doing an amazing thing but not being able to see it because he was blinded by his ideals, I felt God speak directly to my heart.  “Sarah,” He said, “You are hitting a home run in your home…and you don’t even know it.”  He was telling me that, yes, my ideal for a perfectly spotless house wasn’t being met.  I don’t live in a Pottery Barn catalogue.  But I’m still hitting a home run.  I’m loving my precious daughters.  I’m using my energy and strength every day to mother them, to raise them to love Him.  I’m serving my family by continuing to pick up my house.  I’m learning to give up more and more of myself for my family.  I’m growing in responsibility.  I’m on a trajectory of success as a mom.  Looking around, I might feel like a failure but I’m actually winning.  I’m hitting a home run.  

Man, that spoke deeply to my soul.  I’m not a failure!  I’m not expending all this energy only to find out that I don’t have it in me to be a good mom.  I’m actually succeeding!  My definition of success has just been different than God’s definition has been for me.  Maybe next time my in-laws come over and there’s no place to stand, I’ll simply say, “It may look like a mess, but guess what? I’m hitting a homerun!”

The Plane is Going Down

(By Tammy Vaughn) 

Have you ever felt that way?

I recently felt like this while taking a trip on an airplane. After being removed from the exit row due to my weight and away from the friend I was traveling with, I was sat next to two teenage boys. The space was tight, they were tall and I was wide. I made several attempts to chit-chat with the guys and make an uncomfortable situation more comfortable. I made several attempts to talk to them and ease the situation, all the while getting more and more uncomfortable inside. I think what I felt was shame- shame that I was overweight and causing a “scene.” I also felt disconnected from my friend who was in the exit row and unable to connect to the people around me. I got quiet. I prayed and God spoke. The thing I love about Jesus is that he is able to speak quickly into our hearts and reframe our minds. It was as if he was saying, “Tammy, I know you. I know that you have been working on losing weight. I am here. You are fine. Be glad for the progress you have made and keep going.” Immediately the storm inside me quieted, shame was gone, I was not alone, I was proud of the progress I have made and I began to read my book quietly. The young men were still uncomfortable, so I said, “Why don’t you go to the exit row and check out the seats?” They moved there, and my friend moved to the seat next to me. At the end of the flight the young men’s father came to me and apologized for any discomfort his sons may have caused me. I graciously accepted and let him know that Jesus was helping me lose weight. Their mother also said that they thought they were going to lay down three seats and sleep. I smiled.

In our lives, especially in healing or recovery, we feel like there is no use, or that we are never going to make progress or get anywhere. I think the story is significant because often small things can get us off of God’s track of healing in our lives. It would totally stink if I gave power to those two young men who I did not even know. If I would have basked in shame, feeling alone or even made fun of, I could have just said “Forget it.” I could have dismissed the forward progress I have made in my weight loss journey. I could have called myself names.

I love Jesus because he is always there, always defending, always cheering us on. Take courage, my friend, if the journey is hard. Jesus is there to help, comfort, guide and assure you when evil comes against you. Quiet your mind, rest in him, listen and obey his word, use it like a sword in a war. You are worth it! The others that you will encourage someday with your story are worth it! Becoming more like Christ is worth it!

Psalm 55:22 “Give your burdens to the LORD, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.”

“NO” IS NOT A 4 LETTER WORD!”

 (By Lois Robinson)

Back in the day when I was growing up, I was taught that I shouldn’t say curse words, or “4 letter words” as we called them. I won’t elaborate or be more specific with those! Interestingly though, I was also taught I couldn’t say ‘no’ to things that hurt me either. The word ‘yes’ was very acceptable, the good Christian things to say, but the word ‘no’ was out of bounds! That set me up very nicely for major boundary problems that in turn brought lots and lots of problems for me and relationships for many years.

I consider my own counseling journey to be one that cost thousands of dollars to learn how to say ‘no’ - a difficult yet rewarding journey. The rewards far out-weighed the difficulties.

But, you may be asking, “Are boundaries biblical?” “Aren’t we supposed to lay down our lives in order for Christ to rise up in us and say ‘yes’ to everyone in need?” “Lois, where is the true Gospel message in boundaries?”

Well, great questions, and I am so glad you asked! Here we go!

God is a good, loving, perfect, holy parent that loves His children so much that He wrote a whole book of boundaries! It’s called the Bible!

The very first set of boundaries that I read about in the Bible is in Genesis, where God tells Adam and Eve ‘yes’ to all of the trees but ‘no’ to a certain one. He spelled out a set of limitations, or boundaries, out of love for them. Just like when we tell children, “You can play in the backyard, but don’t go into the street,” out of love for them. Good parenting involves setting up healthy boundaries for children to learn to live and in order to protect them. Parents, can you imagine allowing your children to do WHATEVER they wanted to do, WHENEVER and WHEREVER! SMH (shaking my head in Facebook world:) )

God tells us all about the boundary lines He has set up for us out of love so we do not play in the street and have horrible consequences. Unfortunately, most of us really don’t think He means it, so we do the things He tells us not to do. We suffer consequences when we violate His boundaries, then we have the audacity to blame Him, just like Adam and Eve did. We then expect Him to say, maybe like our parents or others have, “It’s OK, I know you didn’t mean it.” Did God say that to Adam and Eve? No, He didn’t, and I am thankful for that! He said “Get out of the garden.” God cannot contradict His word which says “Let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ be ‘no’”.

I am not sure how many of you reading this blog struggle with saying ‘NO’ or even realized that God was the author of boundaries, not Henry Cloud and John Towncend. They are wonderfully gifted men, and I love their books!! They are a must for your bookshelf by the way. But God is the original author. Henry and John got their insights for the material from the Spirit of God!

My hope would be that this little byte would drive you into the scriptures to see what God does say about this topic, Boundaries and your life! How He sent His Son Jesus to redeem all of the sin that results in pain of living so long without boundaries. Because of Jesus, God allowed my eyes to be opened to the principle of “let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ be ‘no’”. Before that I said yes to everything and allowed the bad to come in and nearly kill me.

I urge you to check out the following scriptures:

Matthew 5:37
Proverbs 4:23
Proverbs 22:3
Matthew 7:7-12
Matthew 22:37-39
Galatians 6:2-5

Never Stop Doing Good To Me

Jessica Noblett

If there is one theme I see in the blogs I’ve written over these past months, it’s that God’s grace is never static. His purposes are so much bigger than a single person or a single story and His change and grace for one person always seems to also be a catalyst into change and grace for someone else. I think that’s what Nate meant on Sunday when he talked about God’s grace in us and God’s grace through us. 

During the Sunday service, Diana beautifully shared her story of how hard she tried to control her life and how graciously God changed her heart. She said things like -I’m paraphrasing here- she wanted to clean herself up first before she showed true self to Jesus and that she never considered herself in Christ but adjacent to him and always have to keep up to earn that place. 

I completely relate to that mindset, that stronghold, of trying to control my own life; especially the idea that God’s grace isn’t sufficient for me.

I’ve been working through a book called the Gospel Primer over the past few weeks and one of the journaling questions last week said, “how often in your faith journey and as a Christian have you felt like it was up to you to remain close to God?” I was immediately confused. The phrasing of the question made it seem like it wasn’t up to me to remain close to God but my instinctual first response was, “I always feel that way, because that’s the truth.” In fact, even though I have been following Jesus for what I could consider almost my entire life, I had to step back and think about what was actually true. I had to look for Bible verses to confirm it wasn’t up to me just to make sure I wasn’t letting myself off the hook too easily.

Sometimes I try to control things because I think I know best and because I want to do things my way. But other times… I think maybe I control things because I’m just trying to hold up my end of the bargain. God is so gracious and has done so much for me and I discount that very grace by assuming it’s only fair that I meet him halfway. 

During the worship time on Sunday when people spoke truth about God in the Bible verses they had read, someone said, “He will never stop doing good to me.” I’m pretty sure I started crying right then and there (and didn’t stop until the service was over.) He will never stop doing good to me. He reaches out even when I don’t. He is faithful when I’m not. He remains close. 

When I remember that and I take a deep breath and rest in that peace… it doesn’t end there. It makes me want to call up everyone I know and tell them to stop striving, stop controlling, stop doing. Because God’s grace is here and he will never stop doing good to us.

Coming Soon...September 4, 2013!

The Counseling Ministry Blog is a collaborative effort birthed out of the work Diego Cuartas, Lois Robinson, Tammy Vaughn and Thor Knutstad regularly do to foster healing and restoration in the lives of people via formal and informal counseling ministry. Our desire is to post every Wednesday a blog that will bless our community at large.

The purpose of the counseling ministry blog is to communicate current themes and truths that are observed in the private ministry of counseling, to expand kingdom impact on others. We hope this will be a blessing to you!

Look for it, beginning September 4, 2013! 

Selfish Me

Sherry Engel

Before reading this blog entry, I’d like you to take just a minute and reflect on what matters the most to you.  When you wake up in the morning, what is the first thing that comes to your mind?  What occupies the majority of your thoughts in a day?

Maybe you’re like many people and your thoughts turn to the busyness of your day, the work schedule, the bills that need paid, the homework that didn’t get done the night before.  Maybe you’re a future-focused person, so your thoughts dwell on the next achievement in your life, whether in your career, your finances, or even in your personal relationships. Maybe your thoughts are deeply rooted in your care and concern for others, so your thoughts dwell on other people, even the welfare of your family members. Do any of these sound familiar to you?                                      

How many of you answered the above questions by saying that what matters the most to you is fulfilling God’s purpose and plan for you?  Being honest, I can’t say that that’s how my thoughts are all the time.  I do pray all of the time for God to keep his purpose and plan at the forefront of all of my thoughts and actions.  There are many days that is exactly where my heart, soul and mind are.  And on those days, it is so deeply rooted that the spirit is just overflowing with that in me.  On other days, the battle ensues between the flesh and the spirit, and the “selfish me” appears.  And the funny thing is, most of the time the selfish me really isn’t even about me, but it is about “the world”.  It’s about the schedule that won’t allow me to spend as much time helping others as I want, it’s about not being able to get through to the people that I care about, it’s about obstacles that surface trying to do God’s work, it’s about normal everyday relationships.        

So what do we do when we feel the pressures of our own “little kingdoms”?

In a past sermon from our sermon archives, Pastor Nate, spoke about “big kingdom” living, as Paul Tripp, author of “A Quest for More: Living for Something Bigger than You”  calls it.  It’s all about looking up and out and not focusing on self.  As Nate describes it, when the arrows of your thoughts and actions are first pointed to God, then pointed to others, then God takes care of you.  All of HIS arrows will be pointed directly at you.

So what do I do when I start getting into the “selfish me” mindset?  Here’s what I found helpful:

• I visualize in my mind actual arrows pointing directly to God, then arrows pointed directly at those I care about.  I try to remove myself, my feelings, completely from the situation (I’m not saying this is always easy.)  Because you see, in my heart and soul, I 100% trust God’s plan for me.  In my heart and soul, I 100% know HE will supply everything according to my needs. 
• I use the tools God gave me…searching HIS word, and time in prayer and reflection. HE has all of the answers.  All we need to do is search for them.
• I rely on wonderful Christian friends to support me.
• I write! And thus this entry….today was one of those “selfish me” days…and with a little bit of God’s word, a little fellowship with a dear friend, a little writing, and a lot of talking to God, I’m already starting to refocus my arrows! 

For any of you struggling with what this crazy life is all about, I strongly recommend Paul’s book titled “A Quest for More: Living for Something Bigger than You”.  

Pinterest & The Gospel

Sarah Howard

First group: Hanging out with people. Clicking through images of shabby-chic DIY home projects on Pinterest. Daydreaming about what clothes and accessories I need to shop for next.

Second group: Freedom. Love. Slavery.

I wouldn’t naturally associates these two groups with each other. The first group is made up of everyday, ordinary things that I, a 28-year-old mom, do. The second is terminology coming out of Galatians 5.

However, as I’ve been thinking through this sermon series on the Gospel, I’ve found that, for me, the first group (being with people, imagining projects for my home, and wanting new clothes) is the real-life arena of where Freedom, Love and Slavery come up.

Take being with people, for example. When I’m with my friends I’m finding that I’m not interacting with them based on the truths that: God made me, that He placed His image in me, and that even though I’m sinful, He treats me with the love and joy with which He’d treat His one and only Son. I’m actually enslaved to my need to perform and manipulate so that anyone and everyone will approve of me.

Or when it comes to Pinterest, I’m not really wanting to completely re-do my normal, run-of-the-mill house into something unique and vintage and beautiful because that’s simply the design and beauty of God on my life. I’m looking to my house, and how well I could decorate it, to save me. I’m crying out for my house to please, please finally prove that I’m good enough. That I’m pretty enough. That I’m worth something. 

Or take daydreaming of completely revamping my wardrobe. I think that if I could just get the perfect style, I’d be saved. I’d be safe. I’d be invulnerable to the pressure on women to live up to so many standards. 

The thing about these real-life examples is that, I feel like I’m free. Free to dress however I want, decorate however I want, interact however I want. But on Sunday, we heard that, “true freedom leads to love.” Galatians 5 says, “Love others as you love yourself. That’s an act of true freedom.” And I can’t really see how my competing and striving and using and manipulating and performing and hiding could, when seen for what they really are, be labeled as love.

I don’t think the answer is to never interact with people, though. Or to not decorate my house. Or to never look at Pinterest. Or to stop buying clothes. 

I think the answer is to do those things, but out of a Gospel-settledness. It’s possible for all of these activities to flow out of a place of rest that’s available through the freedom that Christ’s work on the cross brings. I don’t have to hide or control or strive or manipulate or compete. I’m made by God, designed by God, loved by God, rescued by God, being changed by God, approved by God, known by God, and all without me earning it. As I rest in that reality, real love is free to come out of my life. Love can come out of my life in the way I decorate. Love can come out of my life in the way I dress. Love can come out of my life in the way I hang out with people. Love can come out because I’m free, free from the yoke of slavery of securing love and approval for myself. Love can come out because of the Gospel.

My Hope is Built on Nothing Less?

Jeff Hyson

We live in a world full of hope!  It's a good thing we do, because we also live in a world full of problems.  To state the obvious, without hope, life would be hopeless.  But wouldn’t it be nice if the correlation between the size of problems and the size of hope were linear?  In other words, the biggest problems would be seen as opportunities for the biggest hope.  Unfortunately, life doesn’t usually work that way.  When people are faced with huge problems, they rarely see much hope at all.  The other end of the spectrum holds true as well.  We tend to be the most hopeful when our problems are small.  Will the Eagles make the play-offs?  8 out of 10 fans think so, even though there is little to base that hope on.  Will that boy ask you out, even though he’s never looked at you and doesn't know your name?  Your friends think he will.  Small problems yield big hope.

            Every day, nearly 20,000 children die from preventable hunger and poverty related causes.  You see those “pennies a day” commercials for relief organizations and think, “How big a difference could my pennies-a-day really make?”  So you change the channel.  Or maybe you haven’t been able to pay the mortgage in a few months.  You see very little chance of keeping your house.  Big problems, little hope. 

            We tend to be the most hopeful when the outcome is of very little consequence, or when we have great control over it.  But when the stakes are high, and the outcome feels beyond our control, our hope fades.  We begin looking to other things to put our hope in, or we work really hard to control the situation.  We go through life controlling one situation after another, pinning our hope on ourselves and our ability to make things work.  Then, when situations are so obviously beyond our control, they seem utterly hopeless.

            This is the “gospel of me.”  I can fix it, I can control it, I can make things work.  Unfortunately, it always breaks down.  Owen Ashworth sings a similarly themed song, and comes to the conclusion that, “Oh, you need a new gospel, cause the bottom fell out of the old one long ago…” 

            The pastorate that my family belongs to is participating in the 30-Hour Famine, which is a campaign to raise awareness and funds to combat global hunger, a problem that World Vision swears is fixable.  I know that no matter how hard I try, I can’t fix global hunger.  It’s a problem that seems primed for hopelessness.  Why bother participation in what seems like such a trivial exercise. 

            All too often, we build our hope in something less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.  The broken “gospel of me” can’t solve the big problems, and often screws up when trying to solve the little ones.  The good news is that the true Gospel is news of hope.  I can rest in the fact that God has a handle on things, and his plan is the best plan.  While I can’t stand still and do nothing, I can move forward in the knowledge that my hope is built not on my ability to make things right, but on God’s unending love for me and mankind. 

            So is there hope for world hunger?  When World Vision began the 30-Hour Famine campaign in 1992, 40,000 children a day were dying from hunger and poverty related causes.  Today, that number has been cut in half, and I didn’t have to do it myself.  Big problem, real hope.

The Hard Work of Honesty

Nancy Vasquez

My mom died suddenly a month ago. She was my best friend and confidante, one of the only people on the planet who would be completely honest with me when she saw me wandering down the wrong path. She would not hesitate to tell me that she thought I was making a bad decision or thinking wrongly. The reality is that she was not always right. Sometimes what she saw as danger zones were actually good things that she did not completely understand. 

But now that Mom is gone, I can see clearly that all of her advice, right or wrong, was coming from a place of truth in love. Even when she knew I was going to be as angry as a wet cat and just as confrontational, she still spoke up, not to drive me crazy, but to try to protect me. 

I get very angry when people are not honest with me, whether it is by telling so-called “half truths” or just flat out lying to me. But as usual, as I examine myself, I’m no different than they are. 

In Sunday’s sermon, Pastor Nate posed the question, Do you tell people just what they want to hear so they don’t dislike or reject you? My answer to that is, absolutely!

Paul’s struggle in Galatians was based on being rejected because he spoke truth that the church did not want to hear. Honesty is hard work. It means following the Spirit, knowing what to say to whom, and going through the sometimes agonizing process of dealing with the anger and rejection of those closest to you. 

It is so much simpler to lie, to say something is ok when it’s not, to smile and nod, to avoid confrontation so you don’t “rock the boat” of a relationship. In this case, one doesn’t have to prayerfully discern anything or say anything potentially confrontational. It’s the easy way out. 

The “easy way out” is a form of idolatry. It’s putting one’s own personal comfort and approval ahead of what God calls us to in relationship with others. Dealing honestly is one of the “elementary principles” we should have mastered as followers of Christ and too often don’t master at all. I personally would rather sit and stew on an issue than deal with it head on because it requires no risk or effort on my part to just simmer and brood. 

I take this easy way out all the time. I often don’t confront friends and family who need to be confronted. When I do finally deal with an issue, it’s usually out of a place of anger with the accompanying profanity and meanness that go along with utter frustration. It is anything but speaking the truth in love. If I followed God’s plan for honesty in the first place, I wouldn’t get to a spot where I speak ugly things that are not glorifying to Him. 

The easy route ends up being the wrong route, every single time. 

God wants us to do the hard work of honesty not because he wants to see us squirm.  He wants us to do all things well, to become more and more like Him.  He knows that our relationships and minds would be much healthier with significant doses of honesty. He also knows that we will need His mercy and grace over and over and over again to even begin to practice this. The good news is that He will provide this mercy and grace as we start and stumble and succeed on the journey.

A journey means getting started. This is a tough call to action for me, but I see that we will all have healthier communities and more God-centered hearts if we intentionally practice honesty.

How to Deal with Sexual Failure

Dominick Baruffi

The year was 1984. Pastor John Piper had just returned home from a missions conference in Washington, D.C., and he had returned burdened. He had spent time listening to a missionary named George Verwer, who preached on the tragic number of young people who were leaving the missions field. Primarily, Verwer observed, these people were giving up their radical dream because of a gnawing sense of unworthiness: they had failed sexually. Their constant battle with sin was too great for them to continue down the radical path they had once set out on. Verwer preached passionately on this, and it stirred the heart of Piper. In response to his experience at the conference, Piper wrote a short essay for his church newsletter entitled, “Missions and Masturbation.” According to Piper, the following week was the closest he ever came to being fired from his post. You can probably understand why.

* * * * *

“The great tragedy is not masturbation or fornication or pornography. The tragedy is that Satan uses guilt from these failures to strip you of every radical dream you ever had or might have. In their place, he gives you a happy, safe, secure, American life of superficial pleasures, until you die in your lakeside rocking chair.”

~John Piper

It is important before I write very much more, that I make mention of something I would much rather omit: that I am a sexual failure. This is not mere church speak; it is the bare truth of my existence. I have not honored God with my body; I am, as the hymn states, prone to wander, a deviant from the plans and institutes of God, sometimes on a daily basis. I have allowed lust to rule my heart instead of love for Christ and his people, and that battle continues even upon this writing. I say this in hopes of removing any misconceptions you may have of me, the writer, upon deciding to read a post as audaciously titled as this one. You will not find haughtiness or expertise here; I have none to offer. What you will find is more like a report sent from a soldier battling on the front lines of war. I have been to the battlegrounds more times than I care to admit, and I have learned that there are no shortcuts to victory. In the words of C.S. Lewis, the longest way round is the shortest way home.

* * * * *

There is a tendency amongst people who have failed sexually to reinterpret their lives based on their sin. The egregious nature of our sin brings with it the almost crippling weight of guilt that, in many ways, serves us a great deal. Guilt is to the soul what pain is to the body: without it, we wouldn’t know we were ill. But often, we interpret that guilt as a sign that God wants no part of us. How could he ever want me? 

What we forget in these moments is that which matters most: we forget the glorious Gospel of Jesus.

Christ has died,

Christ is risen,

Christ will come again.

The problem with making our sin greater than the glory of the Gospel is that it isn’t. Our sin has separated us from God, but Jesus Christ has defeated sin! When we allow the guilt to take us out of the game, we give power back to the enemy to tell us who we are. We exchange the truth about God for a lie that pushes us further and further away from the truth. We become like those young missionaries that George Verwer preached about, paying more attention to our sin and forgetting the message we preach. Because what would God want with a mess like me?

* * * * *

If you are someone who has experienced sexual failure, hear this: Jesus is not surprised by your failures. He knew of them long before you did. This is not cause for despair, but celebration, for even while you were still in your sins, Christ died for you. You had no part in it; just Him, choosing to stay on that cross, taking your place among the damned. All that is required of you is that you choose to see yourself as He sees you: not as shamed, but as Son. Guilt is a good thing, but do not let the enemy use it against you. Now is the time for repentance. The Father is waiting for you to come to Him. 

Oh, the devil’s singing over me an age-old song

That I am cursed and gone astray

Singing the first verse so conveniently over me

He’s forgotten the refrain:

Jesus saves!

~Shane & Shane, “Embracing Accusation”

Dream Bigger

Jessica Noblett

I listened to this week’s sermon as I drove down the northeast extension of the Pennsylvania Turnpike, heading home from visiting my family in New York. It was serendipitous as God’s timing always is because a perfect metaphor of “what are you hoping for?” was unfolding before me.

The answer was easy enough- I was hoping and dreaming of getting home. The final destination included my wonderful husband, a hot shower, a nice soft bed (after a weekend of sharing a cot with a cousin) and central air conditioning. But while driving alone for six hours I noticed that I am easily distracted and particularly enticed by service plazas. Fast food! Coffee! Souvenir key chains! Trail mix! Fireworks! The cheapest fireworks in the state! More coffee!! I exchanged the “big dream” of getting home for the smaller, more tangible dream of a hot cappuccino from Starbucks more than once. 

It hit home. I settle for less and take my eyes off the prize all the time. In Nate’s words, “I exchange a worthy dream for a small dream.”

However, the big reveal for me happened in the sermon when Nate said that the life of a follower of Jesus includes holding on to “bigger vision without momentary satisfaction.” I know that’s probably difficult for any of us to fully grasp – its definitely counter-culture – but it could not be more extremely contrary to the life and breath of my generation. 

We can’t send a text message without wondering a minute later why we haven’t received a response. We have the TV show, movie or YouTube clip of our choice available on the screen of our choice at any given time. We’re used to receiving trophies for participating and medals just because we showed up. We need our tweets “favorited” and our Instagrams “liked” and if we’re honest, our existence completely revolves around affirmation and pats on the back. “You’re doing great!” “Keep going!” “I love it!” “You’re so smart!” We’re absolutely lost without them. Or at least I am. Six hours of driving without texting or Instagram? I picked up my phone every 15 minutes purely out of habit.

It’s clear to me why holding onto a bigger hope comes down to a question of faith, because the bottom line is if God isn’t giving me an “atta boy” I don’t think He’s paying attention and I begin to doubt what I’m doing makes any difference at all. 

But if holding on to faith is believing my efforts are not in vain and still matter in God’s kingdom instead of giving my attention to something small - I see how that’s a life worth living. 

In the brilliant words of C.S. Lewis, “we are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

I want to be finished with mud pies. Instead, I want to hold onto the assurances God has already given to us, like in 1 Corinthians 15 and hope for something so much more, so much bigger, than just what I see around me. I want to grow in faith so that I’m able to remember what’s true about God’s character and how He leads and loves his children instead of being distracted by so many worthless objects along the way. 

I can do it myself!

Sherry Engel

This morning’s sermon reminded me of a phrase I’ve heard a lot lately.  A friend’s young son wants to be independent like his older brother, and declares “I can do it myself!”  Then there’s his grandfather who recently had a stroke, that reclaims that same phrase as his own when people patronize him, he says, “I can do it myself!”  That phrase resonates so strong with me as well.  My father taught me to be strong and independent, to work for what you get.   “I can do it myself!”

The reality of relying on Jesus and not myself hit me this week.  As Eli and I prepare to serve on mission in West Virginia, we were short on our fundraising.  I thought to myself, “I’ll never go on another mission trip because this fundraising is too stressful, thinking I needed to do it.  I needed to have the money.”  What I realized not five minutes later was that’s exactly why I need to go on another mission trip.  It’s teaching me to rely on God, not on myself.  This is a lesson God keeps trying to pound in my brain.  You would think after all He’s shown me through His strength in the last few years that I would “get it”.  Guess I’m a slow learner.

So the problem is, there are some things that we cannot do for ourselves.  That is what Nate spoke of today.  No matter how we look at it, every single one of us has a list of sins that we have committed, and that list continues to grow each day.  We can try really hard, but in this lifetime, on this earth, we will not achieve perfection.  Right now, we cannot be just like Christ.  However the Good News is we will be someday!  The day that Christ returns we will achieve perfection.  We will be like Christ.  That’s all part of Justification.  Christ bore our sins and because of that, our slates are wiped clean! We have been made righteous.   It’s free, simply for having faith and believing.

Some religions will speak of the works a person must do to enter into heaven.  I know that works won’t get me to heaven, only Christ has that power through his dying on the cross for me.  Are my works important?  Of course, they are.  But they are important because it is a demonstration of Christ working in me, and through me, not for me to earn my way into heaven.  None of us are capable of that.

I’ve reflected a lot lately on those who from worldly standards appear to have accomplished the “perfect life” on this earth.  Those who are proud of their accomplishments and their strength that have gotten them where they are, but are void of God.   I feel sadness for what they are missing out on.  I pray that someday, before they leave this earth, before Jesus returns, that they can realize that only in our weakness is Jesus strong.  He will save us for all eternity, we just need to exercise faith and believe.

Can you join me in praying we’ll find our weaknesses made strong in Jesus?