(By Diego Cuartas)

From time to time certain words draw my attention because they are not necessarily words we find explicitly in the biblical. For instance, I have never come across the word balance, as in live a well-balanced life. Or try the word boundaries, as in live with boundaries or within boundaries for your own good and the good of others. I do realize that these concepts are welcomed in some way by our American culture. I am not down on these concepts. What I want to do is from time to time come back with safeguards found in the Word of God to help us keep our understanding and practice of these concepts under check. Why keep them under check? Because something good such as boundaries could become self-serving or feed our self-focused tendencies in life.

For today, I want to focus on a few thoughts shared by the apostle Paul to help us x-ray our understanding and implementation of personal boundaries. Romans 15:1-7 says:

We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, “The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.” For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Test #1: Do you use boundaries in your life to avoid “bearing with the failings of the weak”? In verses 1 and 5 Paul points us to build others up, seek their good and live in harmony with each other. Boundaries should help us reenergize so that we can re-engage community, not live in isolation.

Test #2: Do you use boundaries to “please yourself”? In verses 2 and 3 we see that Jesus set an example in terms of living a life that was not about pleasing himself. He even allowed reproaches that were aimed to his father to fall on himself. Boundaries should help us seek our well-being and the well-being of others.

Test #3: Do you lean on boundaries as your “hope” or safety in life? In verses 4 and 5 Paul affirms that God is the source of endurance and encouragement. In this context, encouragement comes to us via the revealed Word of God. Boundaries should help us realign our hope in God.

Test #4: Do your boundaries serve just you or your community at large? Verse 5 calls us to engage community “in accord with Christ Jesus”. Verses 6 and 7 offer a picture of what happens when we live in “harmony” with others: God will be glorified by the community and we will grow in welcoming each other. Boundaries should help us offer others in our community a quality of life set by Jesus.

Stay tuned. In my next blog I hope to give an example of how I have misused boundaries in my life. I will also illustrate beautiful things that have happened when I have used boundaries well.

(By Lois Robinson)

Back in the day when I was growing up, I was taught that I shouldn’t say curse words, or “4 letter words” as we called them. I won’t elaborate or be more specific with those! Interestingly though, I was also taught I couldn’t say ‘no’ to things that hurt me either. The word ‘yes’ was very acceptable, the good Christian things to say, but the word ‘no’ was out of bounds! That set me up very nicely for major boundary problems that in turn brought lots and lots of problems for me and relationships for many years.

I consider my own counseling journey to be one that cost thousands of dollars to learn how to say ‘no’ - a difficult yet rewarding journey. The rewards far out-weighed the difficulties.

But, you may be asking, “Are boundaries biblical?” “Aren’t we supposed to lay down our lives in order for Christ to rise up in us and say ‘yes’ to everyone in need?” “Lois, where is the true Gospel message in boundaries?”

Well, great questions, and I am so glad you asked! Here we go!

God is a good, loving, perfect, holy parent that loves His children so much that He wrote a whole book of boundaries! It’s called the Bible!

The very first set of boundaries that I read about in the Bible is in Genesis, where God tells Adam and Eve ‘yes’ to all of the trees but ‘no’ to a certain one. He spelled out a set of limitations, or boundaries, out of love for them. Just like when we tell children, “You can play in the backyard, but don’t go into the street,” out of love for them. Good parenting involves setting up healthy boundaries for children to learn to live and in order to protect them. Parents, can you imagine allowing your children to do WHATEVER they wanted to do, WHENEVER and WHEREVER! SMH (shaking my head in Facebook world:) )

God tells us all about the boundary lines He has set up for us out of love so we do not play in the street and have horrible consequences. Unfortunately, most of us really don’t think He means it, so we do the things He tells us not to do. We suffer consequences when we violate His boundaries, then we have the audacity to blame Him, just like Adam and Eve did. We then expect Him to say, maybe like our parents or others have, “It’s OK, I know you didn’t mean it.” Did God say that to Adam and Eve? No, He didn’t, and I am thankful for that! He said “Get out of the garden.” God cannot contradict His word which says “Let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ be ‘no’”.

I am not sure how many of you reading this blog struggle with saying ‘NO’ or even realized that God was the author of boundaries, not Henry Cloud and John Towncend. They are wonderfully gifted men, and I love their books!! They are a must for your bookshelf by the way. But God is the original author. Henry and John got their insights for the material from the Spirit of God!

My hope would be that this little byte would drive you into the scriptures to see what God does say about this topic, Boundaries and your life! How He sent His Son Jesus to redeem all of the sin that results in pain of living so long without boundaries. Because of Jesus, God allowed my eyes to be opened to the principle of “let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ be ‘no’”. Before that I said yes to everything and allowed the bad to come in and nearly kill me.

I urge you to check out the following scriptures:

Matthew 5:37
Proverbs 4:23
Proverbs 22:3
Matthew 7:7-12
Matthew 22:37-39
Galatians 6:2-5

Where Are Your Boundaries?

“NO” IS NOT A 4 LETTER WORD!”