The Holidays: Not the Cover of Better Homes and Gardens

(By Lois Robinson)

WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FELL AND THINK ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS?

 AHHH, the holidays! For some it is an, “AHHH, I can’t wait until the Holidays are over!” And yet others say, “AHHH, Yeah! I can’t wait for the holidays to be here!” Whereas others say, “I’m numb, and it really doesn’t feel like the holidays because of very significant losses that have happened.”

I admit, I have experienced all of the above to some degree. But usually I find myself getting very self-focused and wanting to experience a form of utopia, sometimes literally expecting that picture on the front of a magazine where the whole family is gathered in the beautifully decorated BIG home with the fireplace aglow while everyone smiles and laughs with little appetizers in their hands. The table would be set with more silverware than I know what to do with, the huge delectable turkey in the middle of the table and everyone holding hands thanking God for His blessings. Dinner would be wonderful! No uncomfortable silences, everyone engaged with each other, not a cross word would be exchanged. We would all connect in meaningful ways. Then the coffee and MANY pies would be served. More laughing would occur as we moved into the huge living room with the fireplace (can’t leave that out!) as we began to play games as a family- fully knowing each other, connecting and engaging. Oh, can’t leave out the 6 inches of snow that spontaneously began to fall as well! AHHH, the Holidays!

 FUN WOULD BE HAD BY ALL!!!

 Well, I can honestly say, I have never really experienced that scenario with my family. What I have experienced is some of the above- the fireplace all aglow, some laughing, many awkward silences, forced conversation with some, ministering to some, holding my tongue with others and at times tactfully rebuking inappropriate behaviors demonstrated by the Christians in our family. I believe my family represents a microcosm of the world.

VERY MESSY AND UNCOMFORTABLE

Why is this?? Aren’t the holidays supposed to be celebratory? Hmmm. Yes, but we must remember what we are celebrating!

Is Thanksgiving a time when we engorge ourselves and say thank you out loud for everything we have but make sure we keep it short so the food doesn’t get cold? Laughing and getting a buzz?  Kicking back because, “Darn it, I deserve a break from all the stress!” Christmas has its own scene going on, and unfortunately it doesn’t involve the manger scene- that gets squeezed in where it can fit. It has become a HUGE event that the advertisers enjoy showing more and more commercials of what we need, what to buy so we can be cool (of course) and where to get it. Pipe in the Christmas scents through the store ventilation, play the music and put up the Santa so people will help us make more money for the stores revenue!!! YEAH!!!!!

Friends, is that what the Holidays are really about?  NO!

Thanksgiving is a time that we celebrate what we are thankful for. In the Christian faith, we are primarily thanking God for who He is, what He has done through Jesus and how He has provided for us. It’s not about us. Christmas is about us celebrating Jesus. Yes, Jesus. He came to save us from our brokenness- our broken families, our broken lives, even our broken hearts when our idealistic holiday picture didn’t happen the way we imagined. He came for the picture I described my family to be.

I wonder what your experiences are with the holidays. Where are you in your life? What are you looking forward to? What you are dreading?  Or you may just  want to wake up when it’s all over. I don’t know where you are, but I know where I want to be. I want to keep focused on the One the holidays exist for. I want to be a part of the holiday where I can be used by the Savior Himself to bring about change in a broken world, a broken family, my own broken life. I know that Jesus says in John 12:32, “And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself (ESV).”

I would encourage all of us to be focused on this verse during the holiday season. I do believe that when we live that verse out, we will actually get closer to the picture I dream about. 

Hmmm, new thought. Maybe that desire I have is actually from God. When we get to the Great Banquet in Heaven :) A promise for all those that have placed faith in the One we celebrate,  Jesus Christ.

                          Blessings, My Friends

Vacations, Family Meetings and God-Moments

(By Thor Knutstad)

Our family recently had the opportunity to spend a week together at Spofford Lake (Camp Spofford) in beautiful southern New Hampshire.  During our monthly "family meeting" in June prior to the trip (yes, we actually do this after a good meal together, usually on a Thursday evening for about an hour once per month), I lovingly warned our sons (Jordan- 20, Bryn- 13, Jadon- 12 and Elijah- 7) that the gift and the investment of vacation would be discussed and evaluated at the next family meeting.  I explained the costs, what was expected as we journeyed north toward NH and told them that we would talk about it in late July after our week away together.  Needless to say, besides a few battles among one another (siblings) over who would shower first after canoeing or swimming in the lake, space in the bunk beds, and electronics with limited usage, it was a memorable and enjoyable trip.  There were loud moments, ornery moments of teen boys and lots of laughter filled with pictures, memories and good meals together.  But even after a week of travel distance and the dynamics of our energetic boys, my wife Lisa and I truly needed a vacation from our vacation.  The stress of managing the excursion took its toll on us, and we needed some real rest.  This rest is actually happening as I write - and we are both working this week :)   

 In our follow-up family meeting with all six of us together, I addressed the following aspects from the previous month: 

1. Scripture memory and Bible reading- though the culture distracts our kids from God's Word in a thousand ways, we want to teach this and model it as a priority - we as the parents even have our own verse to study and memorize
2. Chores- to help manage household tasks and take the pressure off of one another, as parents we are teaching our kids to assist and work together for the benefit of the household with time sensitive expectations 
3. Relational Dynamics- this is self-explanatory, but it relates to how everyone is getting along and 
4. Vacation Behaviors and Observations from the trip- this took some gutsy honesty on my part, laced with encouragement of the positive that I observed.  

Near the end of the family meeting, I asked our children two pointed questions of risk as I affirmed our love for them and for one another: 

1. Are your needs being met? 
2. Can Mom (Lisa) and I do anything better as your parents? 

 Before you try to precisely replicate what you are doing or want to do as a family, ask the Lord to help you think of creative ways to bring unity, wise communication and disciplined reminders to your children and one another.  It's not that these meetings are perfect for us - they have rough edges all the way around.  And so do our kids.  The goal is to sandpaper smooth some of the rough edges of our children's hearts, carving away the desires of their own hearts’ idolatries. Overall, this is God's artwork in their lives.  He is ultimately creating each as a workmanship (literally "masterpiece").  Our hearts want to MODEL and TEACH selfless Christ-likeness, merciful grace of the Gospel in less than perfect moments (there are many of these) and to overarch every moment somehow with the undying and sacrificial love of our Father God.  I would challenge you to have these "tune-ups" of whittling to that God's carving work happens through you the parents in your family - your children may just respond to you and the God Moments may just surprise you.

The Holidays: Not the Cover of Better Homes and Gardens

(By Lois Robinson)

WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FELL AND THINK ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS?

 AHHH, the holidays! For some it is an, “AHHH, I can’t wait until the Holidays are over!” And yet others say, “AHHH, Yeah! I can’t wait for the holidays to be here!” Whereas others say, “I’m numb, and it really doesn’t feel like the holidays because of very significant losses that have happened.”

I admit, I have experienced all of the above to some degree. But usually I find myself getting very self-focused and wanting to experience a form of utopia, sometimes literally expecting that picture on the front of a magazine where the whole family is gathered in the beautifully decorated BIG home with the fireplace aglow while everyone smiles and laughs with little appetizers in their hands. The table would be set with more silverware than I know what to do with, the huge delectable turkey in the middle of the table and everyone holding hands thanking God for His blessings. Dinner would be wonderful! No uncomfortable silences, everyone engaged with each other, not a cross word would be exchanged. We would all connect in meaningful ways. Then the coffee and MANY pies would be served. More laughing would occur as we moved into the huge living room with the fireplace (can’t leave that out!) as we began to play games as a family- fully knowing each other, connecting and engaging. Oh, can’t leave out the 6 inches of snow that spontaneously began to fall as well! AHHH, the Holidays!

 FUN WOULD BE HAD BY ALL!!!

 Well, I can honestly say, I have never really experienced that scenario with my family. What I have experienced is some of the above- the fireplace all aglow, some laughing, many awkward silences, forced conversation with some, ministering to some, holding my tongue with others and at times tactfully rebuking inappropriate behaviors demonstrated by the Christians in our family. I believe my family represents a microcosm of the world.

VERY MESSY AND UNCOMFORTABLE

Why is this?? Aren’t the holidays supposed to be celebratory? Hmmm. Yes, but we must remember what we are celebrating!

Is Thanksgiving a time when we engorge ourselves and say thank you out loud for everything we have but make sure we keep it short so the food doesn’t get cold? Laughing and getting a buzz?  Kicking back because, “Darn it, I deserve a break from all the stress!” Christmas has its own scene going on, and unfortunately it doesn’t involve the manger scene- that gets squeezed in where it can fit. It has become a HUGE event that the advertisers enjoy showing more and more commercials of what we need, what to buy so we can be cool (of course) and where to get it. Pipe in the Christmas scents through the store ventilation, play the music and put up the Santa so people will help us make more money for the stores revenue!!! YEAH!!!!!

Friends, is that what the Holidays are really about?  NO!

Thanksgiving is a time that we celebrate what we are thankful for. In the Christian faith, we are primarily thanking God for who He is, what He has done through Jesus and how He has provided for us. It’s not about us. Christmas is about us celebrating Jesus. Yes, Jesus. He came to save us from our brokenness- our broken families, our broken lives, even our broken hearts when our idealistic holiday picture didn’t happen the way we imagined. He came for the picture I described my family to be.

I wonder what your experiences are with the holidays. Where are you in your life? What are you looking forward to? What you are dreading?  Or you may just  want to wake up when it’s all over. I don’t know where you are, but I know where I want to be. I want to keep focused on the One the holidays exist for. I want to be a part of the holiday where I can be used by the Savior Himself to bring about change in a broken world, a broken family, my own broken life. I know that Jesus says in John 12:32, “And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself (ESV).”

I would encourage all of us to be focused on this verse during the holiday season. I do believe that when we live that verse out, we will actually get closer to the picture I dream about. 

Hmmm, new thought. Maybe that desire I have is actually from God. When we get to the Great Banquet in Heaven :) A promise for all those that have placed faith in the One we celebrate,  Jesus Christ.

                          Blessings, My Friends

How Dysfunctional Is Our Family? Not Yours, Ours.

(By Diego Cuartas)

Recent interactions with people within the church have left me wondering how we are doing when it comes to relating to the Body of Christ and modeling relationships after the character of our Covenant Father. There seems to be a revolving door through which men and women, believers from all kinds of walks, come and go because they are not staying long.

I remember my family of origin had a unique characteristic that was both an asset and a liability. If I can say it this way, we were plainly nice at any cost. The asset helped us on the one hand to find ways to be hospitable and allowed us to connect with others in ways that would help them feel welcomed and cared for. The liability reared its head when tension or conflict was present with another person and being lovingly honest with them seemed like too big of a price to pay. Growing up in my family context shaped me in ways that I am sure account in part for the dysfunctional or distorted view I developed of people. I began to view people as really BIG at the expense of reducing God’s size to a smaller one. People-pleasing became one of my normal currencies in my relational exchanges with people. It was not long into my young adult years that I realized how dysfunctional my contribution to friends, coworkers, family, dating and even serving others was. There is no doubt that my relating patterns were now reflecting in some way my family value called “niceness”.

A verse I had journaled back in February of this year describes for me the character of our heavenly Father, which He in turn desires for us to reflect in our relationships with other believers within the Body of Christ. Consider with me this precious statement presented in Deuteronomy 4:31:

“For the Lord your God is a merciful God. He will not leave you or destroy you or forget the covenant with your fathers that he swore to them.”

Notice that our heavenly Father regards His relationship with us as a covenant. Granted, this is a very unbalanced covenant because He is willing to contribute His best and most even though we fall short of meeting his personal expectations and standards. Thanks be to God that this is not how we are to always live. When we are in Christ, the disproportion of this covenant is leveled by a mercy that satisfies the deepest longings of our Father. We could say that the commitment God has toward us is only based on the sacrifice made by another. Furthermore, we learn that this Father will never leave us or destroy us. No matter what happens, He will not forget that what joins us to Him is the covenant He initiated and facilitated through the blood of His own Son.

Why then do we enter and exit relationships with others within the Body of Christ so easily? How deep is our commitment? How long is our forbearance? How merciful is our heart? I believe the dysfunctional symptoms we experience in the present time within our local communities of faith can’t be healed by treating the community as a whole. The renewing in the way we do relationships will happen when each individual takes a step- a step that is in keeping with our Covenant Father. Where we learn from Him and lean on His resources until all possible ones have been exhausted. Where we bring honestly our personal poverty so that richness can be ours at the end. Where we fight for unity. And only after we have prayed and exhausted all the possible resources given to us will we say it’s time to part ways. I hope with time the revolving door will move slower only to give entrance to newcomers!

If you are in need of practical ways to do your part in bringing health to our dysfunctional family, I encourage you to read and follow the Apostle Paul’s prescriptions of our Covenant Father found in Ephesians 4.