"Pause, and Calmly Think of That"

As you look back on the summer of 2020, and as you move into the fall of 2020, I don’t know what this season has been like for you. I’ve seen so many memes floating around, joking about the year 2020 and all the things that have seemingly blindsided us with its entrance. For me, while there have been genuinely precious moments, there have also been long stretches of inner turmoil. One thing that has genuinely comforted me throughout the stretches of turmoil has been lingering with the Psalms. I’d like to share Psalm 3 with you, and how it has helped to bring a settling calm in moments when I don’t feel a lot of calm.

Psalm 3 (Amplified Version)

Lord, how they are increased who trouble me! Many are they who rise up against me.

Many are saying of me, There is no help for him in God. Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.

With my voice I cry to the Lord, and He hears and answers me out of His holy hill. Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

I lay down and slept; I wakened again, for the Lord sustains me.

I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people who have set themselves against me round about.

Arise, O Lord; save me, O my God! For You have struck all my enemies on the cheek; You have broken the teeth of the ungodly.

Salvation belongs to the Lord; May Your blessing be upon Your people. Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

Oh my. Right away I can relate. I have definitely felt in my own mind that ‘many have increased who trouble me,’ or ‘many rise up against me.’ Have you ever felt that? I would assume that David was probably talking about physical enemies, but often the enemies that rise up against me are thought patterns, arguments, lofty opinions that attempt to boss me around with fear, anxiety, and intimidation.

And I have surely felt the accusation when my mind is swirling, and I’m overwhelmed by the confusion of circumstances, and all of the sudden, I’m not so sure who I am anymore, and if maybe I have completely ruined my life, that ‘there is no help [for me] in God.’

Whether I feel disqualified by fearfully considering myself not good enough, or concluding that my sin has made it so that there will not be a place of help for me in God, or thinking that my only hope will be in something other than God…I have heard that suggestive accusation loud and clear. I love the way the Amplified version translates ‘Selah’: ‘pause and think calmly of that!’ That’s part of the reason why I’d say that this psalm has brought a deep calm and comfort to me in times of inner turmoil, because of the invitation within the sequence: “Pause and think calmly of the suggestions I’m hearing that there is no help for me in God. Acknowledge them. Acknowledge that I hear them. Bring them before God. Get them out in the light.”

As I acknowledge that I hear suggestions that there won’t be help for me in God, the next invitation is to actually move in direct opposition to those suggestions: in the face of enemies rising up, accusations, many scary things, You, Oh Lord, ARE a shield for me. You ARE a help. You shield me from these very enemies. Adam Clarke commentary says, “As a shield covers and defends the body from the strokes of an adversary, so wilt thou cover and defend me from them that rise up against me.” And, further, the Lord is the lifter of my head: “Thou wilt restore me to the state from which my enemies have cast me down. This is the meaning of the phrase; and this he speaks prophetically. He was satisfied that the deliverance would take place, hence his confidence in prayer; so that we find him, with comparative unconcern, laying himself down in his bed, expecting the sure protection of the Almighty” (again, from Adam Clarke commentary). In the face of enemies, inner turmoil, and accusations that I won’t find help in God, I can speak with confidence and into my future that God is the lifter of my head. He is my shield, and He sees my current state, and He will, in fact, lift my head. I can rest securely in Him. Not in what I will do, but in what He will do, for He truly is help for me.

Next, there is the invitation to use my own voice to cry to the Lord. He hears. The invitation comes again to pause and think calmly on how the Lord promises that He hears. When I’m in distress, I don’t naturally rest that the Lord hears me. I tend to feel more restless and fidgety.

Next comes this bold and courageous faith-filled action step of the author, the outcome of choosing to not listen to the accusations of the enemies, but choosing to remember God and His help: IN THE FACE OF ALL THOSE ENEMIES, he lies down and sleeps. And he says clearly that the reason he wakes up safely is because THE LORD sustains him. Phew. That is so beautiful to me. Again, from Adam Clarke: “He who knows that he has God for his Protector may go quietly and confidently to his bed, not fearing the violence of the fire, the edge of the sword, the designs of wicked men, nor the influence of malevolent spirits. “I awakened”- God, my shield, protected me. I both slept and awaked; and my life is still whole in me.”

Then the author sets his intention after this bold, faith-filled sleep: “I will not be afraid of ten thousands.” Why? Because there is help, for him, in God. And he asks the Lord to rise up violently against the enemies that are suggesting otherwise to him: “Arise, oh Lord…You have struck all my enemies on the cheek.”

And finally, “Salvation belongs to the Lord.” Salvation doesn’t come from anywhere else: it doesn’t come from my ability to figure things out or to fix my life or to avoid enemies. Salvation comes from the Lord. And I deeply need it. This whole psalm is an invitation to believe that salvation is available to me through the Lord’s deep care and concern for me, through His character, not through any rescue I can muster up within myself. Salvation came through the Lord and continues to come through Him.

So I don’t know if taking time with this psalm brings you comfort as well, but for me, it’s just so good to remind myself of the peace that is available to me in the Lord, in the face of stretches of inner turmoil. As I share it with you, my hope is that in choosing to ‘Pause, and calmly think’ on God’s words, you and I will both be more firmly rooted in what is truly solid.

—Sarah Howard

*Please be advised that this blog represents the views, opinions and beliefs of the writer and does not necessarily reflect those of our church leadership or denominational affiliation.

What's Happening With You?

Hello LFA! 

How is quarantine life going for you this week? We’re on, what? Week Seven? Week Eight? I think almost every week or so, I get completely overwhelmed and have a personal meltdown. (Maybe that’s how I subconsciously keep track of the weeks passing by? Not sure.) But, whatever the reason, my weekly meltdown showed up yesterday, and I realized that, under the surface, I have A LOT of feelings about A LOT of things. However, I don’t acknowledge those feelings to myself or to my family, or to God. I mostly ignore and deny my feelings because…I feel guilty for having them. I feel like I shouldn’t be irritated at the hundredth request to ‘Look at this, Mom,’ and when I call back, ‘Look at what?’ the answer is, ‘Just come! Come look at it!’ <Insert a huge eye roll> I feel like I shouldn’t be irritated at the lack of silence in my home. I shouldn’t be mad at the nuances of an interaction I had; I should probably be able to rise above anything that comes my way and just love. Ugh. So not only am I feeling the complexity of my feelings, but I am also feeling guilt and shame for feeling those feelings. And there you go: that’s a guaranteed meltdown in my world. 

Well, I’m not writing to tell you how the meltdown ended or what I’m learning about the beauty of being seen, known and loved just as I am, with all the complexity of my emotions and who I am, although those things are very dear to me. Instead, I’m writing to ask, and wanting to know, what have these seven-eight weeks been like for you? What have you been noticing, pondering, processing, concluding? What themes keep popping up?

Did you happen to tune into our church’s service this past Sunday? Don and Theresa were talking about this exact theme. They shared a video of what they’ve been thinking about in their lockdown lives. And our church is asking all of us to send in our own videos with our own thoughts. I love that idea. You know why? Because it reminds me that we need each other. We don’t just need our own thoughts or our own voices. Together, we’re the Body of Christ. And just like a human body, sometimes life is pretty normal and we get to just function. But other times, we need to check in with the various parts of our body that make up the whole, to be able to see, understand, and assess something more clearly. Our church’s request reminds me that each one of us is significant, a gift, necessary. We need each other’s stories, each other’s voices, each other’s thoughts. 

So, for me, besides this new revelation that I have A LOT of feelings going on under the surface, one thing I‘ve been thinking about a lot is ‘What makes me good? What makes me worthy of taking up space in this world?’ Most of my life I have believed that I am not good enough, that I don’t measure up. I’m not a good enough mom, my house isn’t clean enough or pretty enough (and that means there’s something wrong with me as a woman), I’m not pretty enough, funny enough, special enough for anyone to want to know and enjoy. That has been the belief that has defined me and secretly fed so much of what I do. I’m still right in the middle of recovering from that mindset, but in the middle of the pandemic, I am finding a good place in social media to keep practicing my new mindset of what makes me good: as I post my real family, with my on-purpose not-situated hair, my real house, my real face, me in comfy clothes, my real struggles, I find that I am having so many chances to say to the Lord with my heart and with my actions: ‘This is me. And You made me. And You like me. Just the way I am. Not a better me. Just me. Your real love and Your creating of me makes me good.” 

The second theme I’ve been processing has come up because…ugh…my husband Caleb and I have gotten in what feels like more than our share of conflicts! When I say ‘I had a meltdown,’ I mean it also caused a huge argument. There have been quite a few doozies. But as we’ve fought, we’ve found something we never realized before, (even though it’s sort of like, ‘Duh!’): we are VERY different. It should have been glaringly obvious. I like a slow, unstructured, measured pace, with lots of free time for creativity…and Caleb likes…Structure! Organization! Responsibility! I can’t say that I really like any of those three items very much! So I am finding that we are different…and as I acknowledge that, I am finding that it is good that we are different. I can ‘own’ my own strengths in new ways as I more clearly define who I am, and who Caleb is. I don’t have to get mad at him for not valuing what I value. I can realize that he was…sigh…never really meant to value what I value. I was actually supposed to carry that value to our family. I was supposed to be the one championing it. (Yikes! Scary stuff!) 

Anyways, what about you? What are themes that keep popping up for you as your world has turned upside down? What are things that you’ve been mulling over in your mind throughout these seven-eight weeks?

We need each other. We are a gift to each other. At LFA, we’re part of the local expression of Jesus’ body. When we hear each other’s stories, when we hear what we’ve each been sorting through in our minds and emotions, I think we get a more full-bodied understanding of what Jesus might be saying to us as individuals, as families, and as a group. So your voice matters. Your thoughts matter. 

So, that being said, would you consider jumping on the bandwagon and making a video? Would you consider commenting below? Would you take the brave step of believing that your story and your voice and your thoughts are a gift to all of us, and help us to hear God better together? Whether big or small, still formulating or already articulated, would you share what have been some themes in your mind and emotions and in your family in these weeks? 

Note:

If you feel stuck in starting to figure out what some themes might be or what you’ve been thinking/feeling, here are a few questions you can use. I’d suggest grabbing a journal and starting to write out some answers to a few of these questions: 

What are a few things that stand out to you in this season of Coronavirus? 

What’s been happening in your soul, your emotions, your home? Have you felt mostly peaceful or mostly irritated? What’s irritated you? What’s brought you peace? 

As you’ve been experiencing all the changes COVID-19 has brought to you and your world, what are some conclusions you’re coming to? What are some things you’re realizing? 

Are there things that you weren’t really that aware of about yourself previously that you’re much more aware of nowadays? Do you notice that you are struggling with something that feels exaggerated or exacerbated because of some factor of COVID-19 or lockdown? Are there tensions within you that seemed small in the busyness of regular life that now feel rather large as everything has come to a screeching halt?

Are there changes you are drawn to implementing as a result of something you’re experiencing? 

What are things you’ve enjoyed? Have any of the things that you’ve enjoyed surprised you? 

What are things that have been very difficult? Do you notice what you cling to or turn to when you feel the difficulty?

Share videos on social media with the hashtag #livingfaithlive or #Glasstownchurchlive 

Or you can email them to churchoffice@lfachurch.org

—Sarah Howard



Corona Shut Down, Week Two

Well, hello, reader of this blog post! I don’t typically start a blog post with a “hello,” but all the shifting and re-working because of Coronavirus might as well shift my blog post, as well. So, “Hello!” from our little home, our spot of being holed up here in Millville. This is me, trying to write this blog, at my house, while my girls are loudly FaceTiming their cousin, collaboratively playing Animal Jam together, excitedly exclaiming about the ‘trades’ they’re making:

Anyway, how has this week been for you? How has it been adjusting to social distancing, and new roles and routines at home and work, mentally and emotionally adjusting to the new reality of a global pandemic, navigating financial uncertainty, grappling with health threats? It’s just SO much. How have you felt? In the middle of it all, what has your soul, your inner self, been feeling, been experiencing?

Well, for me, it has sure been a mix. I’ve had moments of alarm, moments of fear, moments of fast-rising irritability, moments that included a lovely (yeah right!) Instagram-worthy (not at all) huge argument with my husband, where I burst into tears and promptly went upstairs and locked myself in our bedroom. Literally locked the door. I should have posted it, right? Just kidding. But right there in the middle of those emotions, I have also had moments of deeply enjoying the slower pace, soaking in the time with my family, enjoying new ways of checking in on people in my life.

One thing that stands out to me, though, as I look back on “Week One,” and as I move further into “Week Two,” is that throughout the adjustment period of Week One, I took in A LOT of data. Data through the news, through social media, through people’s reactions, people’s comments about how and what they were doing. And simultaneously, I implemented a lot of new routines and rhythms for myself and my home. I made a lot of decisions about my day and my emotions, about my use of time and about my actions.

But, to be honest, one thing I didn’t take in a lot of was…God’s Word to me. God’s promises. God’s instruction for how I should think and feel and interpret what’s happening.

As I realize that about myself, do you know what I sense God feels about me? I think He feels tender. And I think He gently invites me into something new as I move into Week Two.

I think He says, tenderly, that He knows me. He knows that my tendency to make conclusions about my safety, and conclusions about how I should feel and about my level of peace, based on what my eyes see and what my ears hear around me. He knows that I can go long stretches doing what seems right to me, moving independently from Him. But He speaks tenderly to me about my tendencies…because He purchased peace between me and Him…with His own blood. With His costly sacrifice. My moving and concluding, in interpreting my world, apart from Him, apart from HIs promises and HIs character, is sin. My basing my ‘read’ on my safety and provision on data and not on His promises is sin. But He is gentle and kind as He does not punish me for my sin, but He invites me to enter the restful place, the better place, the moving-toward-more-peace place of remembering His promises, even as I continue to follow news and be aware of what is going on in these days in our world.

And I hear His invitation, for this week:

“Steady yourself.”

His invitation to me is to root myself in His data. To over and over come to the fountain of His promises, of His Word, of His presence, and to remember who He is and, as a result, who I am.

So. Here goes. I’ll share with you some of the promises I’ll be steadying myself with for Week Two:

• “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation]. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me [following Me as My disciple], for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest (renewal, blessed quiet) for your souls. For My yoke is easy [to bear] and My burden is light.” “He lets me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still and quiet waters. He refreshes and restores my soul (life).” - There is a real place for me to be refreshed. There is a real place for me be exactly who I am, not better than I am, not hiding any of my emotions, or anything I’ve done, but to come just as I am, to this real place, to the real Person, Jesus, and to be refreshed with His presence, His Words, His instructions. I steady myself. (Matthew 11 and Psalm 23)

• “Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the day of my life” - Today, I can be sure, completely sure, right in the middle of homeschooling my kids, in the middle of uncertainty about money, a shaky foundation about health, that right there, in the middle of it all, goodness and mercy are following me today. I steady myself. (Psalm 23)

• “All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.” - These days are not random. I am not living out chaos. When I was two years old, the Lord knew about Coronavirus. When Moses walked the earth, the Lord knew there would be a time when social distancing would stop businesses and threaten livelihoods. Last month, when I was completely unaware of this coming month, He knew this would be my experience. I steady myself. (Psalm 139)

• “He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake” - Paths of righteousness. He leads me in them. Why? For His name’s sake. Today, this month, with all that is going on with Coronavirus, in the middle of all that is happening in my heart, in the anxiety, the irritability, the uncertainty, the arguments with my husband, the unsteadiness and inability I feel in parenting, I can be certain that God is doing deep soul work within me. In all that I feel at being home and stuck in this house, He is doing a redemptive, sanctifying, soul-rescuing, freeing, increasing-in-righteouness, for-His-name’s-sake work WITHIN me! That is amazing, and mysterious, and beyond what I could ever imagine. I steady myself. (Psalm 23)

• “And whoever gives to one of these little ones [these who are humble in rank or influence] even a cup of cold water to drink because he is my disciple, truly I say to you, he will not lose his reward.” - Today, and in this week, there will be plenty of moments to ‘give a cup of cold water’ to the ‘little ones’ in my home. Most significantly, my children, who are energetically present 24-7, of course. My husband. People who are not in my home but who I am still in contact with over the phone or Facetime or whatever in these days. There will be a million moments where I can take a deep breath, turn my eyes away from a screen, turn my attention away from what is distracting, look a little bit longer with a few moments of deeper attention to the beautiful God-design on their life. I can choose to be present, to look in their eyes, and to show up with that ‘cup.’ A cup of cold water can look many different ways in these weeks, but the Lord says that when I offer it, I surely won’t lose my reward. I steady myself. (Matthew‬ ‭10)

• “And the tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.” But he answered, “It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” - I take heart that Jesus was hungry. Jesus had needs. Jesus was tempted to trust in Him own powers to provide for Himself- to not wait for the narrative of God’s provision. And I take heart that, at the same time, Jesus did live off of bread: He said man doesn’t live by bread alone. There is a beautiful place for me today to live right in the middle: to be a human, a human who does not live on ‘bread alone.’ To be a human, I feel the emotions that come up in my soul through this experience. I grapple through them. I make decisions. I follow the government. I do human things. And at the same time, I also steady myself with God’s promises, His Word that settles and sustains me. I steady myself. (Matthew 4)

• “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” - For me, the fear that really gets to me, that wakes me up in the night and causes me to panic, seems like it falls in the same basic category, and it’s strategic. I’ve realized that under most of my scariest fears, I hear the same thread: that what I’m fearing will happen to me will be random, that it will be bad, evil, and I’ll be alone. I’ll also lack provision, and the only provision that I could have will come to me based on my ‘goodness’- my ability to perform, to be mature, or to be successful. YUCK! I hate the strategy and category of those fears! But thanks be to God, who tells me over and over and over, “I am your Shepherd. These days are ordained for you. Nothing can separate you from my love. I provide for the sparrows and that is unfathomable that I do that- of course I will provide for you. And your ‘world’ (the people you love and your self) isn’t safe and provided for based on your goodness. Oh, no. You can’t rely on yourself. You are not the Savior. I am. I am the One whose goodness makes you safe, makes you provided for, makes you cared for. Rest in Me. Remind yourself of Me.” I steady myself. (Romans 8)

• “But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby) will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him (the Holy Spirit) to you [to be in close fellowship with you].” - In the middle of the night, when I wake up with thoughts of panic, with thoughts of “Will I be able to secure my life and my loved ones? Will my ability and my goodness be enough or will chaos and evil reign,” I can realize that the voice that is whispering to me is fear. It’s an enemy voice. That’s NOT the voice of Jesus. And Jesus promised that when He left the earth, He’d send another Voice to live inside me: to help me, to comfort me, to advocate for me, to counsel me, to strengthen me. That Voice comes to be in close fellowship with me. So when I hear the enemy voice, the voice of fear, I can remember that Jesus has sent Another Voice, and I can ask that Other Voice, the Holy Spirit, if He would come and speak to me, to counsel me, advocate for me, comfort me, instead. I steady myself. (John 16)

So those are the promises that, this week, Week Two, I will be steadying myself with. How are you steadying yourself? What are ways you are slowing down from your ‘already-slowed-down quarantine’ to get to the Real Place of being with the Real Person of Jesus?

As I scooch off to think of something my kids can do besides hour two…or hour one billion (that’s what it feels like)…of Animal Jam, I’ll leave you with the playlist I made for this Coronabreak to remind me of the Lord, that He is with me, He is good, and He is strong. I steady myself. Enjoy.

—Sarah Howard

What Did You Think Of The Halftime Show?

Here in February of 2020 there have been quite a few noteworthy news stories to follow: the impeachment trial and acquittal of President Trump, the alarmingly rapid spread of corona virus, Iowa’s democratic caucuses, the State of the Union address that happened last week, Nancy Pelosi’s non-verbal statement of ripping that speech in two…and…right there, smack in the middle of it all, a large online debate about the appropriateness or not-appropriateness of the Super Bowl Halftime Show.

Have you read some of the things written on either side of this particular controversy? Have you seen some of the polarized articles and social media posts from both or either side about J. Lo and Shakira’s highly debated performance?? There are arguments all over the place for every way of interpreting what happened on that stage. There are people saying that ‘nothing about that debacle was family-friendly,’ that it was ‘pornographic,’ ‘indecent,’ and ‘offensive to little eyes watching the football game.’ There are arguments for the ‘beauty and inclusivity’ of the performance: that these two Latin women did something powerful in providing a powerful voice for a people group that has been systematically oppressed and overlooked. There are arguments for the ‘athleticism,’ ‘creativity' and ‘confidence’ of a 40- and 50-something year old woman who haven’t succumbed to cultural norms for health and beauty. And guess what? That’s just the beginning. You might know this. You might’ve read it. The arguments go on and on. The potential for debate is as far as the internet is wide.

In such a plethora of opinions, such a widespread dichotomy of options for how to think, I would like to clearly state that I wrote this blog with ‘the people of the church,’ Christians, people adopted into the family of Christ, in mind. That is my target audience. How should a Christian, one who has been chosen to belong to the family of Christ, choose to think? Which path should one choose?

Well, I would of course assume that even within the Church, there continues to be various ways to think- the Bible says that we are all parts of one body, that we are all different, all gifted, and all needed. No one is excluded, and no one is the best and the standard for perfection. (1 Corinthians 12)

However. I would like to submit to you, again making the assumption that I am speaking to ‘people of the church,’ that there is, in fact, a light for our path for how to think. We are called to steady ourselves in our thinking, in how we interpret our world, through what God has already said, in the Bible. We are not called to chose what seems right to us, based on our own minds, based on what our eyes see, or based on any article or social media post we’ve read that seems compelling or logical. We’re called to be steady people of the Word of God.

So. What does the Word of God say about a performance like the NFL Halftime Show?

Does it say to get online and condemn J. Lo and Shakira for shamefully doing such a sexually charged dance in front of millions?

Does it say that we should loudly complain about how not family-friendly the halftime show was while watching every second with ‘little eyes’ present?

Does it say we should champion and approve of J. Lo and Shakira for their athleticism and cultural inclusion?

Does it say we should get ourselves to the gym because if they can be 40-something and 50-something and the world around is saying that’s simply athletic and the human body is amazing, then we better join that spinning class…or better yet pole dancing?

I’m not saying that I have all the answers for you: as I mentioned earlier, I deeply believe God has gifted us each uniquely and we need each other and our different ways of interacting with the world and God’s Word. BUT I will share my personal answer to each of those questions with you: NO!

My answer for each question is NO.

And here is how I counsel myself to think, based on steadying myself on what God has already said in His Word. When I come across something like this year’s NFL Halftime Show, and I follow the aftermath of commentating sprees, I ask myself what has God’s Word said? Here’s what I came up with this time. See what you think:

1. I can expect a lost world to act lost. In Ephesians 2, Paul describes that before God makes someone alive to Him, we are dead in our sins. Unable to choose God’s way of living. So I would say, why are we as Christians getting online and insisting that the world live by the standard of God’s way? Why are we expecting unbelievers to live like members of God’s family? They’re lost. I can expect them to live like that.

2. Yes, it’s sad! Yes, when I see corporate large-scale lostness, it affects me in my soul. I don’t just see the lost-ness and shrug it off, saying, “Well, they’re lost. That’s normal.” Romans 1 describes what I can expect to see when I look at the world, and even how and why. So when I happen to see what the Bible describes as a ‘depraved mind ,‘ and the actions that flow out of a depraved mind, I don’t really need to be surprised. I don’t turn my emotions off or grow numb to it, but I don’t allow surprised rage at expressed lostness to be the emotion I grab ahold of.

3. What should be the emotion I embrace, then, according to the Bible? In Luke 19:41-44, Jesus WEEPS over Jerusalem, saying, ‘Oh that you would have known the things that made for peace.’ Again when he sees the crowds, Matthew 9:36 says, “When He saw the crowds, He was moved with compassion and pity for them, because they were dispirited and distressed, like sheep without a shepherd.” ‭‭Hence, when I see depravity in the world, my call isn’t to lash out, expecting the world to be different, but to join with Jesus in mourning for the lost. There are things that ‘make for peace’ clearly lacking at the NFL Halftime show. When I look together with Jesus, I see that this crowd, too, including the performers, are dispirited and distressed underneath all the hype, and compassion arises. They’re real people, needing a real Savior, trying to make life work, and guess what? No matter how ‘successful’ it looks, it’s not working out for them. I need to engage more than my physical eyes and look with my spiritual eyes.

4. Why should I mourn what was displayed prominently on the world stage last weekend? What’s actually grief-producing about it? Well, the question produces another question: what is beauty for? Is the glorious beauty of a woman meant to be on display for anyone and everyone? Is beauty meant to be used to get something? I can’t answer those questions fully in a paragraph, but here is what I can quickly steady myself with what I know from God’s Word: women were created to carry the image of God, personally and corporately (Genesis 1:27). A huge, powerful aspect of the image of God that we carry in who we are, and in our physical bodies, each one of us is beauty. We are called to carry that glorious gift in a restful, God-glorifying and honoring way, imaging our Creator (1 Peter 3:5-6, Isaiah 43:7), but sadly, we humans take many, many things that are good gifts, and we use them as our own personal savior, a false savior, a savior that isn’t the real Savior, Jesus, as a way to get. We have needs that we need to be met. We need to be told we are significant. We need to be deeply and profoundly accepted. We need to be loved. We need to be validated. We need to be told we are worthwhile and valuable and lovable. What happens in a narrative like this is that instead of getting all of those needs met in the great narrative of the Creator God, God’s redemptive story of humanity, in Jesus Christ, we as humans are really good at trying to get our needs met in something else. So there are women all over the place, prominent on the stage women, and every day all around us women, myself many times included, trying to say without words, “I’ll find my loveliness, I’ll find my security, I’ll find my significance, I’ll find my value, not in settledness, in rest and trust (Isaiah 30:15) but in giving away something precious of myself in order to get (actually to get what I already have but I don’t understand that I have it).” Is beauty meant to get something? To prove something? I would say no. We already have significance, love, value, acceptance, and beauty, physical and in the essence of who we are, in our created selves and in the great narrative of God’s story. We can’t find what we need in the small story of our own glory and greatness, or in this case, in celebrity. We can only find what we need in God (1 Cor 10:31, Matthew 5:16).

5. There is a call, from the world, for me and many others to join with them in declaring something not right as right. The world would say, “You’re ridiculous if you can’t see a performance, if you have to complain about it.” Well, the end of Romans 1 talks about not only participating in evil, but approving and calling what is evil as good. That’s what the argument of athleticism is all about. Sure, that performance was athletic! Yes! There is no denying it. But there is something deeper than athleticism at play. And I have the right, and the call, to use my spiritual eyes to call what is not right as ‘not right’. I (and you, Christian reader) have a call on my life for purity and wholeness, to walk in the ways of honor and dignity (and fun and full of life) that the Lord designed for me, sexual and otherwise. There is nothing wrong with seeing past the argument of athleticism and cultural inclusivity to see the death being broadcast and passed to the next generation.

6. Death is being broadcast all the time, all over our culture, not solely in that performance. I am a mom, and it’s my job to learn to notice it more and more, for my own soul, to call it out, and within my own family, to shepherd my family through my increasing awareness of it. I was surprised at articles and social media posts I saw where people were complaining about how these ladies were not providing a family-friendly experience. Um…people? Hello? Again, why would we expect it to be? WHY would we expect the NFL to shepherd our families, for crying out loud??? That’s not their job! So I remind myself that I have a call (Eph. 6:4, Prov. 22:6) to myself shepherd my children. It’s me who has that call. I’m the gatekeeper. Not the TV. Not the NFL. Not J. Lo or Shakira. And within that call, I have so many options. The first step, probably, is to doing something. Maybe it’s to talk to my family about performances beforehand, before the game is on the TV, to talk through that performances almost always loudly declare so many messages that aren’t true. Maybe it’s time to start looking together for what messages the media is trying to promote. Based on how I’ve handled or not handled things in the past, I can talk about my past silence or my lack of not doing anything previously. I can talk to my kids about the way I myself was raised and the things I was allowed to see and who did or did not talk me through them. I can (my current choice because of my kids’ ages) choose to not even make the halftime show a thing and simply turn it off. I can talk my children through how there will always be choices for what to watch and what not to watch, and Mommy and Daddy make those choices all the time, and here’s how we make those choices. The NFL won’t shepherd my kids. They never have, and they never do. Every game already sends messages about the misguided use of sexuality and beauty. The proclamation and celebration of a false savior to a watching and vulnerable world is already a part of that culture. It’s a part of our modern cultural all over the place. It’s my job to see what’s right and not right and to filter it through God’s Word (as much as I’m able at this stage of my development), and to try to learn to talk to the precious ones that I’ve been given to shepherd about it.

7. And lastly, I remember how I was lost. There are still many parts of me that are desperately confused. I have followed countless false saviors. I have passed death on. I have broadcast death in my own circles of influence to women, to men, to the next generation. I have said with my actions, “This false savior is a compelling way to get life, follow this!” And I have forsaken my Creator and I have tried many other ways to get life. Jesus took the punishment for my sin, and He has welcomed me with delight into His family, regardless. He hasn’t rejected me. He hasn’t asked me to be different or better while staying far away from Him. He hasn’t turned a blind eye to my sin and lostness and called it good. He welcomed me and washed me, took on Himself the punishment, and put His Spirit in me to, bit by bit, make me like Him. That’s the narrative I should remember when I look out and see the lostness of the world.

So how about you? How well would you say you do at steadying yourself in the Word of God, in what He has already said, whatever your situation is that you are interpreting? I feel like I am just a little baby on the journey of agreeing with Him and aligning myself with His Words, but I feel that this is a very significant work to which I am called. So, if you sense the call too, I invite you, steady yourself. His Word is true. He is true. Steady yourself.

—Sarah Howard

He Gives to His Beloved Sleep

“It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.”

Psalm 127:2 ESV

This is a hard season of life for me. It’s a hard season of life for my husband. We’re just struggling. And one big thing I’m learning in the middle of it all is that when I’m struggling, I have a strategy for how to fix it all. And guess what? I’m pretty sad about it because for my whole life even though I haven’t really been aware of it, I’ve used this strategy to make it through stress and seasons of struggle and uncertainty, and I guess I thought subconsciously that it was a pretty good or useful strategy. But I’m finding out in these days, in this struggle, that my strategy pretty much sucks. I know that might seem like an offensive description, but if you could step into my soul and see how highly I’ve held onto this strategy to hold my life together when I thought it was maybe falling apart…and how sad I am that my strategy doesn’t work, maybe you’d understand my choice of words.

I’ll explain what I do. I take in all of the things happening, asses all of the very real threats and fears and what-ifs and unknowns. That’s all just sort of information-gathering. Then, what do you think is the next logical step? If you’d say find a solution, then thank you. That’s been the logical progression for me, too. I start to ruminate on the problems…sort of like a cow digesting their food. Eating it once, bringing it back up, eating it again…I just keep chewing at those problems. Turning them around in my mind, looking for a solution. What piece of spiritual wisdom would solve it all? What emotional health component would be the answer? What prayer can solve it? It all even often looks like throwing ‘spiritual’ solutions at it…in my mind. And of course, there are the not spiritual solutions thrown in there, too. The defensive thoughts, insecure conclusions and imaginary action steps. But it’s all in the realm of the mind, swirling around, over and over. 

I don’t think it makes sense when I try to explain it. Maybe that’s why I never even knew it was my strategy before now, because it doesn’t even make too much logical sense. But here it is: if I just think about it enough, the problems will get fixed. They’ll become un-entangled. 

You probably guessed it. And I already mentioned it. Surprise! That strategy doesn’t work. Letting all the components of your problems take up all the mental space in your mind doesn’t equal a solution. It just basically equals worry. And worry is pretty much what I’ve been left with: it even wakes me up more often than I care to admit in this season of struggle in the middle of night with thoughts I ‘didn’t think through yet.’ 

So as I’ve been realizing this about myself and feeling quite sad about it all, sad to let go of what I have wanted to make work for so long, of course I’ve needed to know what do I do instead?! If that doesn’t work, what does? 

Well, I don’t have a perfectly developed answer. I’m still on this journey, and I’m more on the side of the journey where I’m just more sad and straight up surprised that “If I think it to death, it’ll be fixed” was my strategy for dealing with stress and scary situations. (Like, seriously??) But I have two things I am embracing. The first is let go. 

To ‘let go,’ to me, means that I say, in my mind, “I can’t fix it. I can’t. I thought I could. I thought if I could just think a bit more, pray a bit more, just a verse, get a spiritual truth, emotional truth, understand SOMETHING, then it would all be fixed. I would understand and there would be harmony. But I can’t. I let go of my strategy.” Letting go feels like death. I have cried as I have embraced mentally letting go. It’s embracing my smallness. My inability. My vulnerability. My neediness. 

The second thing I am attempting to embrace is I am safe. There are scary things around me. We are struggling. I don’t know the answers, and I just gave up my life-long (stupid) strategy to save us from all of these threats. But in all of that, I am actually safe. I am safe because God sees me, God loves me deeply, and God is completely in control of all of my circumstances. Those things don’t often seem experientially true, but when I let go, and embrace in my mind that I am safe, instead of my strategy of I will be safe when I can figure it all out, I start to create a space to experientially know those things more. And my hope for help, my hope for intervention, my hope for what I need in this season isn’t myself and my over-thinking brain with no space for anything else. It’s in the God who sees me, the God who loves me deeply, the God who is completely in control of all of my circumstances. And my new strategy, even though I’m not great at it, is to let go of my anxious toil, to realize that I can’t, to allow new space in my mind where there once was just over-thinking, and to wait on and trust in Him.

—Sarah Howard

New School Year: 6 Ideas For Getting My Family Ready

My husband Caleb wrote a blog for families last year with some practical tips for gearing up for the new school year. Of course these are just a few ideas, and there are plenty more, but as you enter your new school year, may you experience the rhythms of knowing Jesus together as a family in the seasons of this school year.

Click here to go to Caleb’s blog.

—Sarah Howard

A Story of Jesus in the Midst of Lingering, Deep-Seated Disorder

Later on there was a Jewish festival (feast) for which Jesus went up to Jerusalem.

Now there is in Jerusalem a pool near the Sheep Gate. This pool in the Hebrew is called Bethesda, having five porches (alcoves, colonnades, doorways).

In these lay a great number of sick folk—some blind, some crippled, and some paralyzed (shriveled up)—waiting for the bubbling up of the water.

For an angel of the Lord went down at appointed seasons into the pool and moved and stirred up the water; whoever then first, after the stirring up of the water, stepped in was cured of whatever disease with which he was afflicted.

There was a certain man there who had suffered with a deep-seated and lingering disorder for thirty-eight years.

When Jesus noticed him lying there [helpless], knowing that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to him, Do you want to become well? [Are you really in earnest about getting well?]

The invalid answered, Sir, I have nobody when the water is moving to put me into the pool; but while I am trying to come [into it] myself, somebody else steps down ahead of me.

Jesus said to him, Get up! Pick up your bed (sleeping pad) and walk!

Instantly the man became well and recovered his strength and picked up his bed and walked. But that happened on the Sabbath.

So the Jews kept saying to the man who had been healed, It is the Sabbath, and you have no right to pick up your bed [it is not lawful].

He answered them, The Man Who healed me and gave me back my strength, He Himself said to me, Pick up your bed and walk!

John 5

This story about Jesus and a man with a ‘lingering’ disorder keeps knocking around in my brain these days. I’m not quite sure why. But here are a couple of thoughts that have stood out to me…and maybe they’ll start knocking around in your mind, too.

This guy had something that had plagued him his whole life.

The translation I’m using describes it as ‘lingering’ and ‘deep-seated.’

It also says that others around him were ‘blind,’ ‘crippled,’ ‘paralyzed,’ and ‘shriveled up.’

They were all waiting for a system for how to get well…and it was a limited system. There was space for only a few, and there was not space for this man. The system limited him for getting well, getting free, getting healed of his deep-seated disorder. It wasn’t powerful enough to help with the depth of what he was carrying. And the system wasn’t strong enough to deal with the scope of debilitating needs all around.

He couldn’t get set free by the system or by the pattern of what everyone else was doing.

But it strikes me very deeply the way that he DID get set free, that he got healed: he came face-to-face with the person of Jesus. Jesus didn’t do any fancy system or pattern of special things. He Himself just made this guy well. It was Jesus. It was being in His presence. It was an encounter with Jesus. It was the merciful, powerful, full-of-ability-and-capacity-choice of Jesus, a real person.

I don’t have much to say besides that story keeps coming to my mind.

Are there ways you tend to turn to a system to heal you, to save you, to make you well? Are there ways you’re ’waiting in line’ for your healing and there’s not really space for you in the system? I know for me I tend towards looking to a system for what I need because it’s more controllable, I can understand it and explain it more easily. If you look further in the passage, this healed man received a lot of grief about his healing because he couldn’t explain it in the current rules of what was acceptable.

I’d like to encourage you to look to Person of Jesus, look to His very real Presence for the very real needs that you carry today. For the things that you’ve carried for a long time, the things that are deep-seated and lingering, what if Jesus is right in the midst of all the people, asking you if you really want to get well? Your reality probably is that you are most likely surrounded by people who genuinely are crippled, who are blind, who are paralyzed, and shriveled up on the inside, and they, as well, need you to blaze a trail away from waiting for the ‘pool to get stirred,’ and to turn to the Person of Jesus…and to show them the way, too.

My guess is that He fully sees you, in all that you have experienced and all that you are experiencing, and His eyes are full of mercy and capacity to heal.

—Sarah Howard

Motherhood

In honor of Mother’s Day just having passed, I’d like to share with you all one of my favorite blogs on mothering. It’s one of my favorites because it is a reminder I need over and over and over again: that I am in a perfect place, a significant place, to learn more about and to practice living out what Jesus did for me, as a mom. My life isn’t too busy, too mundane, too complex, too commonplace, too annoying. It’s the perfect place set out for ME to delve into the Gospel TODAY. I need that reminder almost daily. 

—Sarah Howard

Acknowledging the Savior Right With Me

Last week I sat in my cozy gray chair. No one else was up. It was dark. It was my favorite time of day in my home: dark and silent and still. I opened up my Bible application on my phone to that day’s Lent reading. 

As I sat there, in the quiet of the still-sleeping house, I felt moved in my spirit by the words about Jesus…the words about His sacrifice for me. I even had tears come to my eyes. I lingered over the thoughts for a few more moments, and then I went to click off my phone and get ready for the day.

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But then it hit me. Like a bucket of cold water had literally been dumped over my head all of the sudden.

Those moments were special, and yes, I was drinking in some important truths at the level of my cognition, and the truths even impacted my emotions. 

But I was, without even noticing, ready to leave the time I had set aside to be alone with my Savior, the One who made me, happy to have just interacted with truth…and not directly, face to face, with the person of Jesus, who was the whole time right there with me. 

Yes, the Holy Spirit was with me, leading me into truth. His softening of my heart and awakening my cognition to teaching me is a GIFT beyond what I can thank Him for.

But I am realizing that my tendency is to interact with knowledge and truth…and not with the actual presence of Jesus. I read and I learn and I understand and I even have emotions…and then I walk away without ever turning to the One who the knowledge is about, without ever experiencing the company and gift of His presence. 

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So what I did was very simple. I stayed a few more moments in my gray chair. I closed my eyes, and I said “Jesus.”

And I paused. I let myself realize that He was right there, with me.

And I said, “Jesus. Thank You for what You are saying to me this morning.” And I told Him what had touched my emotions, what had stuck out to my cognition.

And after a little while, then I got up from my chair.

—Sarah Howard

Gratitude? I Thought It Wasn't For Me

I’m sad to say that I’ve always kind of thought that it’s not worth my time to ‘practice gratitude.’ 

I’ve considered myself quite above the practice…thinking that when people ‘count their blessings,’ they’re doing something a little bit hokey, a little bit like living in a ‘Pollyanna-type’ reality. They’re just looking on the bright side of things. I’ve considered myself more realistic than that, more authentic than that, and guess what?

I’ve missed out. 

I’ve thought that not practicing gratitude would not affect me. I even thought that it might make me a more authentic person. But I was wrong. 

I’ve been experiencing an elevated level of anxiety in this season of my life. Or maybe, more honestly, it’s just that the anxiety that I typically have going on under the surface, that I’ve learned to cope with, is more apparent. 

As I’ve asked the Lord about this anxiety, I keep hearing His invitation to practice gratitude. At first, it seemed odd. It seemed like I was probably hearing wrong. Too much of a simple fix. But I read a book on gratitude, and the author sort of grappled through all of the same reasons I had for not practicing gratitude, and she also came to the conclusion at the end that gratitude was something essential that she was missing, and that the lack of gratitude in her life was affecting her deeply. I could relate. 

So I’ve started trying to practice gratitude. 

And as I’ve started, I’ve found that gratitude is not just a practice of ‘looking on the bright side of things.’ It’s a re-orientation for my eyes to really see life in an accurate way: I have been given everything I have. I am taken care of completely. I have a Father who carries me, and turns every evil and difficultly into good through His miraculous resurrection power. I am so loved. There is a God who is control. 

These things are true, but when I choose to not practice thanking God, remembering God, I miss out on the real realities of the universe. And I live in an alternate reality where life feels out of control, scary, overwhelming.

When I don’t practice gratitude, I get confused. My eyes get clouded to the way life really is. Gratitude helps me return to reality. 

“For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools…”

Romans 1:21-22

“And you murmured in your tents and said, ‘Because the Lord hated us he has brought us out of the land of Egypt, to give us into the hand of the Amorites, to destroy us.’ Then I said to you, ‘Do not be in dread or afraid of them. The Lord your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the Lord your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place.’ Yet in spite of this word you did not believe the Lord your God, who went before you in the way to seek you out a place to pitch your tents, in fire by night and in the cloud by day, to show you by what way you should go.” Deuteronomy 1:27-33

May we, today, have the courage to take the steps that we need to, to remember God’s good care of us…and to thank Him for it. May we live having the courage to yet again be faithful to do our part to lay hold of the true realities of life.

—Sarah Howard

In the Silence

I was taking a few quiet moments while it was still dark and everyone else was still in their beds to quiet my own heart. I’ve been trying to learn to practice the discipline of silence…I set the timer on my phone for 5 minutes (because that’s pretty much all the SILENCE I have the capacity to cultivate right now!) and I practice silence. Outside and inside. Phew. It’s a little odd and a little hard. Especially internal silence. There are all these words and thoughts and distractions running around in my mind. But my purpose of adding the practice of silence to my quiet moments with God is to realize just how busy and frantic and distracted I can typically get…and to cultivate a place where I simply am with God, with no agenda. Just quiet. Just acknowledging Him. Not thinking any great theological thought or solving my problems. Just with Him. And I have to tell you, it is SO good for me in this season.

So, if you’re like me, and your internal world is sometimes busy and loud, and your pace is often fast and sometimes full of distractions, I’d invite you to try the discipline of silence with me. It takes a little bit of work, but it is so rewarding, because it carved out a precious space of learning to sit with God.

Here’s what I do.

I make sure I’ll be practicing silence at a time where I’ll also have the gift of solitude. If I’m not alone, this kind of silence is almost unattainable. I set my timer for 5 minutes. I sit in a comfy chair…and I lay my hands open on my lap. I close my eyes and I quietly pray the verse over my soul, ‘Release your grip, and know that He is God.’

Then I just breathe. And as I breathe, I receive the breaths as a gift from God- each breath His affirmation of my life. His affirmation of my existence, my being alive right here, right now, in this day and time and place. I rest in the awhile.

I push out any distractions that try to come into my mind- either external noises or reminders of things to do, or internal thoughts or imaginations of what I should be thinking or feeling…and I just sit, I just breathe, receiving the ‘being with God-ness’ that I’m learning to recognize in those moments.

Then, after awhile, I have a phrase I pray. It helps me ask God for what I really want. I pray ‘Holy Spirit, commune with me, a sinner.’ Each of those phrases are meaningful to me. ‘Holy Spirit’ is meaningful to me because it reminds me that God already, because of Jesus’ sacrifice, has chosen to take up residence INSIDE of me. ‘Commune with me’ is meaningful to me because that’s what I truly long for- relationship with my Creator. I want the gift of Himself…which I could never deserve. And when I end with ‘a sinner,’ I love remembering how unholy I am on my own, how unworthy I am of the presence of God. But in His infinite mercy, He has chosen to come close to ME. A sinner.

Around that time, my timer goes off. I open my eyes…and that’s it! I’ll spend time with God in other ways, but this silence component is just so special to me in these days. I’d invite you to check it out with me, and see what happens.

Behold the Lamb

At this time of year, I LOVE listening to Andrew Peterson’s album called Behold The Lamb. He sings through the story of the Bible; every year I find it quite meaningful. 

I’d like to invite you to make some space to consider again how central and necessary the blood of Jesus is for us…using a song from that album. The song is following the narrative of Passover. Each time I hear it, the simplicity speaks deeply to me: calling me to remember the story of God and His people in the Old Testament, and to call to mind again that Jesus’ blood, as the sacrificial lamb, still creates a way for God’s judgement to pass over me today. 

Listen: If you’re able, to start off, listen to this song: Andrew Peterson ‘Passover Us.’ You can find it on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/EuMxnUxi6C8. 

Consider: The Lord has provided His blood to cover over us in all the areas of our lives, but so often we try other methods of dealing with our mess, dealing with our brokenness. 

Read: “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!”

Psalms 139:23-24 ESV

“Without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness of sins [neither release from sin and its guilt, nor cancellation of the merited punishment].” Hebrews 9:22 AMP

Ask the Lord: ‘Lord, are there ways I am attempting to cover over my brokenness with something other than your blood? Am I forgetting that your blood is powerful to be applied in every area of my life? Help me to receive the free gift of your blood in specific areas today. Amen.’

Write down: Spend a few moments writing down areas where the Lord is inviting you to receive His blood. 

—Sarah Howard

It’s Time For a New School Year!

It’s time for a new school year!

As we move into all that September signifies and entails, I offer two articles, one written by my husband, and one preached by John Piper, to spark thoughts for families starting up their school year routines again. 

http://www.somuchhope.com/parenting/2018/8/28/new-school-year-6-ideas-for-getting-my-family-ready

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/god-sends-you-back-to-school?utm_medium=feed&utm_source=feedpress.me&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+dg-articles

May each of us that are walking this path have the energy and courage to meet our children wherever we’ve chosen to send them or keep them this year. May we find the face of Jesus right in the middle of our routines. 

--Sarah Howard

I Don't Buy Things At Victoria's Secret

I don't buy anything at Victoria's Secret. Not one little thing. Nothing. Never. I haven't for 12 years.

I'll tell you why and I'll tell you my story: I used to buy various things there. In high school and in college, I actually loved buying things there because I thought that somehow purchasing items from that particular store would make me more sexy, more beautiful, more of what a woman ought to be. I wouldn't have admitted to that, even to myself. But the belief was there in me, inside of me. 

My favorite perfume scent in the whole world is actually from Victoria's Secret: it's called Love Spell. I think it is one of the best smells in the whole world, and most other perfumes spell a little gross to me. But I haven't worn Love Spell in 12 years.

When I was in the final years of college, Jesus started talking to me about what it means to be a woman, and what it means to be beautiful. He even started talking to me about the word 'sexy.' I had thought for most of my life that in order to be beautiful, I had to be like a woman on TV or a woman on an advertisement. I had thought that sexy could only be the world's definition of sexy- inappropriately unveiled, fashionable, tons of makeup, really done-up hair...I never imagined that beautiful, and sexy, and what a woman ought to be was just the way I was, without trying to BE or BECOME anything else. 

As I said, Jesus started teaching His way, and He started changing my thoughts. Little by little, He introduced me to new ways of thinking, like, "I already AM beautiful. Just the way I am. The true equation is 'me plus NOTHING equals beautiful, even sexy (Can I say that publicly on my blog? Yikes!), and just the way a woman ought to be.' It's all because I've been created by Someone. It's not me who chooses about the way I am. I've just been made that way."

As I learned those things, I started realizing how honestly wrong stores and pictures and advertisements like Victoria's Secret are. There are lots of reasons why they're inappropriate and downright wrong, but let me just share a few. Let me start with the precious woman who is the model in the picture in the window. She is precious. She is made by God. She is valuable and worth so much. And yet, through her picture, through her inappropriate unveiling of herself and her beauty, she is treating herself, her body, and her beauty first of all like it needs all kinds of enhancements and that the equation is 'her plus a ridiculous this and this and this' to equal beauty. It's just wrong. And sad. For her as a person, as a human being, as a soul, it's so broken. Second of all, she is treating her beauty like it is cheap and worthless because it's available for the entire world to take and see and use. Her beauty is meant to be honored, to be cherished, and instead it's sold. By a company. For their benefit.

Another reason Victoria's Secret is so wrong in what they're doing and how they're doing it, is because not only is the woman believing a wrong equation about herself, but she is helping to blare that equation out to every woman and girl who passes the store, who sees an advertisement, who knows about that establishment. It's a place that is screaming at the world the lie that women are not beautiful or sexy or 'woman enough' as they are. They need to be this sexualized object simply to be beautiful or sexy. And worse than that, they're doing all of that for money. I am wishing to say that it's the height of exploitation of women, preying on their desire to be beautiful (and behind that desire, to be loved and wanted and chosen and powerful in their beauty), but there are even darker realms in the exploitation of women, so I can't really say it's the height. But it's UP THERE.

And maybe worst of all, Victoria's Secret, and places like Victoria's Secret, are screaming messages, without words, to the next generation, to those whose minds and worldview and perceptions are still being established and formed: to our daughters, to our sons. Her image says to our daughters, "Use your sexuality like this to become beautiful...pay us to become what you long to be...you need to be more to be good enough..." Or to our sons, the image calls out, "Come to me, I will give you what you need...satisfy yourself in me, in images like me." It's heartbreaking. And we walk right past the store, not knowing what to say or how to say it, and all the while, her messages are screaming, screaming, screaming messages to our children walking next to us.

So that's why I don't purchase anything from Victoria's Secret. I've made a commitment to myself that I never will for the rest of my life. Sure, I still have the desire to, because I still, to this day, dearly miss the scent of Love Spell, and I've never found a perfume I like as much as that one. And I'm sure their things are pretty. But those 'sacrifices' are a small price for me to pay. It's not worth it, not WORTH IT ONE BIT, for me to use even a penny to endorse the way they've chosen to portray women, and the messages they send out to the world about the way a woman should be and has to be. I will never support that endeavor. 

--Sarah Howard

A Short Devotional for Women in the Week After Mother's Day

Mother's Day. We all know that that one day can bring any number of experiences, and with those experiences, any number of emotions up in all of us. No matter who we are, no matter what our situation is. We don't ever really get a free pass on that day. Sometimes we wouldn't want a free pass, but sometimes, boy, we sure would. 

So whether your Mother's Day was sweet, or grieving, or full of anger at the world, whether it was a veritable mental and emotional tornado, or trying to just ignore all the hype on social media...whether you're a mom, or longing to be a mom, or have chosen to not be a mom, or can't be a mom, or have lost a mom, or are struggling with your role as mom, or just felt like the weight of your role as a mom all crashed onto your shoulders last Sunday and you'll never, ever be good enough as a mom, or whatever...there's one thing that unites all of us as women, one thing that we all pretty much could use, that we all really need. We all need to return to a place of peace, a place of settledness after the weekend. We need grace and rest and 'You're OK' spoken over us. 

We all need a settled place in the middle of whatever we're experiencing on the inside.

And settled places on the inside are HARD to come by, aren't they? I wouldn't characterize most of my internal world as 'settled' or peaceful most of the time. But we so need to come back to that place of rest, of "I'm OK." So I'd like to give you this post-Mother's-Day teeny tiny gift: a way into finding a place of settledness in the midst of whatever you're experiencing. 

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Ok. Here we go. FYI, I'm transitioning now into hands-on, practical, how-to. So if you want to follow me into creating room inside of yourself for a more settled sense of peace, you can either make time now, or plan to make time later. I'd suggest setting aside about 15 minutes. 

First, I'd suggest getting into a quiet place. This is a funny little tidbit about me: I like sitting on my kitchen floor for moments such as these. Either before my kids get up in the morning or while they're at school or while they're both upstairs happily playing dollhouse for a few moments. You could be on your couch, out on your back deck, whatever. Plan to put aside any distractions for 15 minutes. Turn off the TV, turn off the sound on your phone (you'll survive), try to make this during a time of day when someone might not be yelling "Mommy, mommy, mommy" a thousand times every 45 seconds. 

Then just sit in your quiet spot for a few moments...like 90 seconds. Sit in a comfortable position. Let yourself be quiet. Close your eyes. Let yourself take like 15 deep breaths. Let your shoulders and face and eyes all relax a bit. Just be stillfor a few moments.

After you've been still, place your hands face up on your lap, and just list, in front of Jesus (your Creator, the One who knows every little thing about you-- and feels quite compassionate), a few feelings and details about what your Mother's Day weekend was like. You don't have to mention every single detail. Just tell Him a few feelings, a few details. Talk to Him. He's a friend. He's right with you. He's gentle and He's kind. His eyes are full of compassion. 

After a few details, listen to this song. As you listen, take deep breaths. You can keep your hands open if you want. If you feel peace coming to you and you want to cry, go for it, that's beautiful. (If you don't, that's wonderfully fine too!) What you're doing with this song is you're creating space inside of yourself to re-center your mind and emotions that no circumstance of Mother's Day can bring you peace, can bring you settledness. No gift, no phone call, no baby, no approval of your life choices from others...nothing can bring you peace besides your Creator:

Running in Circles

As the song ends, you can either let yourself linger a few minutes in silence...or you can move on to this next song, depending on how much you are 'soaking in' rest and peace and settledness on the inside. If you sense alot of peace in the quiet after the song, linger there for a few minutes. When you're ready, move on to this next (more energetic- haha) song.

At some point over the Mother's Day weekend (and also probably at many other times in your life), you may have felt something on the inside suggesting to you that you are 'on shaky ground' when it comes to love. Maybe your kids didn't call you, didn't celebrate you the way you wished they did. Maybe you feel like you suck as a mom (that's been alot of my Mother's Day experiences). Maybe you felt ostracized by society in your pain, or in your choices. Maybe you felt that the way that you are disqualifies you. Whatever. I can't list all the reasons. But I can guess that we all sense that there's a voice that says, "You're not quite good enough to deserve to be fully loved, just as you are, flaws and all." The voice suggests that you're always a little bit on shaky ground in the area of being loved. 

Listen to this song. Let your heart start to open, a little tiny bit, to the possibility, that even as you listen to this song, as you are doing nothing, that you are being loved. RIGHT NOW. There's a song being sung over you. That's the voice of your Creator.

my favorite song by steven curtis i don't own anything!

That's pretty much the end of our time to create space for settledness and peace. May you find that there is a deep breath inside of you that wasn't there before. May you find that there is a solid ground for all that you are, all that you're going through, whatever your experiences. 

#restGIRLhope

#parentingHOPE

#excitingGOD

--Sarah Howard

A Practical Activity To Remember the King's Rule and Reign

A 10 Minute Guided Prayer Activity:

I would assume that perhaps you are a bit like me: I default to thinking that the circumstances of my life are quite overwhelming. I am realizing that I go through life mostly believing that I am un-helped and un-seen. But that is not true! I am actually more helped and more seen than I can even imagine...and, actually, the circumstances of my life don't have to overwhelm me! I have a Father, and a KING, who is in charge in a very mysterious way. His rule doesn't seem quite clear to me most of the time, but when I stir up my faith to remind myself of His care, I can rest. So today I offer a 10 minute prayer activity, for those of you who, like me, sometimes find it hard to remember that you are so cared for, so held.

Set aside at least ten minutes to be alone and quiet. Turn off the TV; turn your cell phone to quiet. Plan to do this at a time where you have set aside time that you probably won’t be interrupted.

---

Step 1:

Hold your hands kind of like you’re cupping something inside of them (like if you caught an insect like a lightning bug or something, and you didn’t want to squish it...but you also didn’t want to let it go 😃 ). As you hold your hands like that, with your eyes closed or open, whichever helps you concentrate more, start listing before the Lord, preferably out loud, concerns that you have. For example, “God, I’m worried about how much my daughter cares about her friends. It feels like I’m losing influence in her life. …God I’m worried about the disobedience in my son. I don’t know what to do about it. I try to throw different techniques at it, or just love him through it, but it never really gets addressed. I don’t know what to do. ...God, if I’m really honest, I feel like a failure as a parent, as a friend, in my job. ...God, my home feels out of control. ...God, our schedule feels so busy. I don’t know how I can manage the things I have on my plate. ...God, I’m worried about my health. ...God, I feel so alone, like no one really loves me,” etc, etc. Try to just keep listing worries that surface. You might have to sit quietly in between worries, waiting for the next honest worry to come to your mind. You might not have even known that you were worried about that thing, until you gave space to list those worries.

Try to linger, and to give yourself extra space to list more worries...don’t rush through this time. And try to give an extra sentence or two description to each worry to kind of tease out a bit more of how you're feeling, what's inside. 

---

Step 2:

Once you feel that you’ve listed most of your worries, and there’s a kind of natural end to the ‘flow’ of things you've been carrying inside, just sit quietly for a few moments. Breathe quietly. Keep holding your hands in a cupped position. Imagine that you’re holding those worries cupped in your hands.

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Step 3:

When you’re ready, face your palms upward and start saying aloud, “Lord, I release to You my worries about my daughter. I release to You my worries about my son. I release to You my worries about my husband/wife. I release to You my worries about my job. I release to you my worries about my conflict with my friend. I release to You my worries about our family. I release to You my worries about our schedule. I release to you my worries about my future. I release to You my worries about my capabilities. I release to you my worries about my health,” or whatever the worries were that you prayed about. Let yourself sense letting go of the worries, releasing them from your hands to the Lord’s hands. Breathe deeply as you're releasing the worries. 

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Step 4:

As the final part of the exercise, keep your hands palms face up, and now receive from the Lord. Say aloud truths about what you can receive because of what Jesus has done. This might feel like a humbling process, because we so want to do things ourselves. Here are some examples:

• Jesus, I receive Your peace today. You are in control of these things.

• Jesus, I receive Your rest today. I can slow down with trying to fix everything, and I can rest in Your care, Your timing, Your love for me.

• Jesus, I receive Your power to help me show up where I need to today- to have conversations, to deal with things I need to, to engage...help me to choose to show up.

• Jesus, I receive strength for this day.

• Jesus, I receive Your love for me.

• Jesus, I receive Your consolation and comfort that You see me, you see the ones I love, you see it all.

• Jesus, I receive the truth that You are here.

• Jesus, I receive the gift that my worth isn’t determined by my performance. I am accepted, I am prized, I am wanted, I am loved, I am enjoyed apart from if I get any of this perfect or not. It’s based in You, Your performance, and You wanting me and making me in the first place.

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Step 5:

If you are sensing the sweetness of Jesus being close to you after praying and remembering that you are a child of God who receives those things freely, feel free to rest in the ‘manifest presence of God,’...it may look like just sitting there awhile longer with your hands open, just lingering quietly. It may look like crying. That’s wonderful! Don't back away from crying in order to 'keep it together'; tears are a beautiful (but not mandatory) part of being with Jesus. It may look like saying, “Thank You, thank You, thank You.” You may want to kneel. You may want to sing a song worshipping Jesus (i.e. ‘What a beautiful name it is’ or ‘Jesus we love You, oh how we love You, You are the One our hearts adore’, etc).

Loosely adapted from Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster

--Sarah Howard

All Things Beauty? All in One Place?

I've walked past this store in the mall many times, and plenty of times I've felt that something not right is being 'shouted' from the advertisements in the windows. It makes me feel sad.

I'll tell you why.

Over and over I've seen messages in the ads in the windows that say beauty is found outside of a woman. 

For example:

It's like these ads are shouting to anyone who walks past that women need something outside of themselves to attain beauty. That bothers me. "All things beauty. All in one place." Beauty is found in a place. "21 days of beauty...it's our most loved semi-annual event!" Beauty is found through buying enough of the right things at an event. "Bring the beauty." "Makeup: Report for beauty!" Beauty is found in products.

I don't believe that beauty is found in a place, in an event, in a product. I don't believe that beauty is outside of a woman, and she needs to strive to make sure she has it. I don't believe beauty is outside of a woman.

I believe that beauty is found already inside of a woman. 

It's not her PLUS makeup, clothes, a perfect hairstyle, a skinnier body...any of that stuff our culture has shouted to us.

A woman already IS beautiful. 

She doesn't have to become beautiful.

A woman is beautiful because she has a Maker who, though it might sound a bit odd to our ears, is Himself the most beautiful One ever. And He wanted to give us a reflection of the way He is...so He made women to display His beauty.

She's not beautiful just because she herself is so amazing, but she's made to reflect back to the world a message about the One who made her. The way she is (but also women collectively) images God. 

Her beauty tells a story to the world about the way the Maker is.

So that's why I feel bothered by those ads in the windows. They're trying to sell me, and every woman walking by, the lie that we need something outside of ourselves to GET something we REALLY WANT: beauty. The heartbreaking lie is that beauty is found somewhere outside of a woman...that a woman can be beautiful if she does enough to become beautiful. But a woman already is beautiful, without doing anything, without adding anything, without needing anything. She isn't beautiful because the culture says she is, or because she measures up to some cultural standard of what we've defined beauty as, but because she has a Maker. Her Maker has decided that one thing all women would carry around in their physical body would be beauty. It's not a choice, it's not something they have to attain or earn or strive for. It's just a part of who each woman is. Yes, the beauty of her personality is part of it, but physical beauty, beauty you can see with your eyes, is just essential to what it is to be woman. 

And what makes it all even more sad for me is that those ads are pretty much shouting out that lie about it's me PLUS something else, but we don't even notice that they're shouting because we've all heard that lie, our whole lives, without questioning it. We've grown up on a diet of lies about what beauty even is, and who has it, and where it's found...so when there are images that say "Beauty is found in a product," we don't even think twice. Not many of us have had anyone in our lives to tell us the truth, or to point out the lies. 

So I guess I write this blog post, for myself, and for anyone who stumbles upon it out there in the huge world of the Internet. You can't find beauty inside of Ulta. It might feel like you can...that's because we've all grown up learning and believing that those are the places where beauty is found: a 'beauty parlor,' 'beauty salon,' 'Ulta Beauty.' But it's not found out there, in striving, in adding. It's already in who we are, in being crafted and formed by a God who wants to speak a message about Himself through seeing us. 

--Sarah Howard

Jesus Doesn't Wish That Someone Else Was Their Parent

I've been struggling in my parenting this week. More like these weeks. Maybe if I was fully honest, I'd say 'I've been struggling in my parenting these years...since my children were born.' Because isn't that really the truth? Parenting is often wonderful, but more often hard.

The need is so vast. SO VAST. That's what I've been wrestling with recently. 

My kids need so much. They need someone to manage conflict between them. They need someone to provide a home that's a peaceful refuge. They need someone to help them understand their emotions. They need someone to enjoy them and let them experientially know their worth. They need to be led and they need to learn to follow. They need to learn how Jesus is for every emotion, every situation, every moment, not just 'church-y' situations. They need someone to teach them how to care about friends. They need to learn responsibility. 

I could go on and on. There are an infinite number of little steps, little lessons required to lead someone through all the stages of childhood into adulthood. And the need is so vast. The task feels too big. 

And I'm so ill-equipped for the task. I'm still myself broken from my own wounds; I'm still immature, unsure how to deal with conflict, uncertain how to lead. I haven't figured out my own mess...and I've been handed this huge task, with this vast need staring me down.

This past Sunday, I was reminded of a story that I think I need to start reminding myself of each morning.

It's a story that's recorded in each of the Gospels. Jesus is with this huge group of people: five thousand of them. They hadn't had food, and they're hungry. 

Jesus turns to His disciples and He tells them, "You give them something to eat."

That's why I need to remember this story. It's just like parenting. The need is so great, and Jesus pretty much turns to me, the parent, and tells me, "You give those kids something to eat. You guide them. You mold them. You have the talks. You give up what you'd rather be doing to show them affection. You muddle through your own mess to figure out how to 'parent.' You give them something to eat."

So the disciples look around, and they come up with a boy who has five loaves of bread and two fish. Not nearly enough for the vast need.

Just like me.

I don't have nearly enough for this vast need. I don't. I really have next to nothing to offer in my parenting. Especially when faced with the vast need.

But what does Jesus do?

He doesn't sneer at the gift.

He doesn't ask for someone else better to step in with a better solution.

He thanks the Father for those five loaves and two fish.

Just like me.

Jesus doesn't despise what I have to give. He doesn't wish that a different adult was in my kids' lives, or that someone else was their parent. I would be willing to say that He doesn't even wish that what I have to offer was more, or better. He thanks the Father for what I have to give, who I am as a parent.

So then, in the story, as the disciples obey, and start passing out the little they have to the many, there is enough. Not because they have enough. But because Jesus multiplied it. Jesus did the miracle.

May this, as well, be my story.

That as I do my part, and show up in the face of the vast need, with my little bit to offer, but relying on Jesus, that Jesus will do the work that only He can do: the miracle of multiplying, the miracle of changing my children's hearts, the miracle of providing for the needs and saving. 

Because it's really His miraculous work that provides for the needs in the end. Not the little I have to offer. But He uses the little I have to do His miracle. 

So as I ponder this story and these parenting thoughts each day I'll probably pray something like this...and I'd invite you to join me on my journey and pray it with me:

Jesus, today You've given me these two daughters and You tell me, "You give them food." Help me first to not turn away for their need because it's so great and because I don't have what it takes to feed them myself. Help me to see the vast need even when it hurts, even when it overwhelms. 

And Jesus, I have nothing to offer them. I know it deep inside, but sometimes I try to pretend I have enough to feed them. I admit that all I have is five loaves and two fish.

I offer my five loaves and two fish to You, and I turn and offer them to my daughters. 

You don't despise my parenting. You don't wish I was a better or different parent. 

Would you do a miracle in my home in these days? As I see the needs and move towards them with the little I have, would You do Your work in my children? Would You multiply it? Amen.

--Sarah Howard

Book Review: Hope When It Hurts

I read a book this summer that I really enjoyed: Hope When It Hurts: Biblical Reflections To Help You Grasp God’s Purpose In Your Suffering. 

The authors are two women, Kristen Wetherell and Sarah Walton. And these two women are walking the balance between having things in their lives that they deeply struggle with, and also, at the same time, holding on to the deep, true, beautiful, hopeful reality that God is present right there in their suffering. They ask questions like 'What does that balance look like for me, right now, as I struggle with real pain?'

I would recommend this book to anyone that feels like they are walking through difficult circumstances in life and they just aren't quite sure how to hold onto the reality of Jesus with them in the middle of the difficulty. The authors reference physical pain, parenting pain, abuse, depression, job loss...but the content is applicable to various sorts of suffering. I'm also excited about this book, as our pastors at Living Faith Alliance have recently been preaching about our deep need to ask our hard questions about life and 'find counsel outside of ourselves' in the Bible. That's exactly what these authors, Kristen Wetherell and Sarah Walton, do: in short, easy to read chapters, they move through a passage of Scripture (2 Corinthians 4-5). They base each chapter on a phrase from the passage, and they write about how that is still true, right now, even in the midst of suffering. They don't just offer their own thoughts or opinions about suffering and pain. They point us back to what God has said through the Bible, what is true and can be counted on, again and again and again. If you want to be challenged to lift your eyes to see what can be gloriously true in the middle of suffering, while also still acknowledging and living with pain, read this book. 

Hope When It Hurts feels very level-headed to me: like someone helpfully just pushing me back to God's Word over and over, without a lot of fluff. The authors keep bringing each chapter back to the foundational BASICS of what it looks like to be a God-follower. They ask the honest, scary questions that I myself have had in times of suffering, that I wouldn't necessarily voice out loud, and they answer them in a way that is Biblical and life-giving. 

On a side-note, some might ask, is this book solely for women? The cover looks very feminine and the authors are two women sharing their stories. Would men find this book helpful or engaging? I tried to keep that in mind as I read. I imagine it would appeal deeply to women; I also imagine that men would have to 'get past' a few components, such as the presentation of the book. But the general content is excellent and good for men as well.

--Sarah Howard

Surely Goodness and Mercy Will Follow Me

Every summer for the past several years, my parents and my siblings and their kids, who are now scattered all over the country, and even in South America, come together for a yearly get-together. Our time together usually lasts somewhere between 3-6 weeks. When we're all together, it's 22 people in one big house on a lake. Those weeks are so many things: simply wonderful to be together again, at the lake; intense to be all together, 5 families in one house, for those concentrated weeks; chaotic and funny and FULL.

But when everyone leaves...it's empty. 

Some years when the family get-togethers are over, I feel thankful for the space that the emptiness creates: the return to regular life and relationships, margin to catch up on responsibilities. But this year, the emptiness has left me feeling sad, grieving the void they left, suddenly unsure of what I even did before they were all here. It's been a strange feeling and I've been trying to regain my emotional footing.

In the midst of the vacuum that my family's departure has created for me, I have September and the school year staring me in the face. I'm sending both of my daughters to school this year...and for the first time in what? 7 years? 8 years? I won't have any children at home during the day. 

The sadness and the emptiness that I feel about my family has started to kind of...intimidate me about my girls going to school in the fall, too. I've started to wonder, 'What if I just keep feeling even MORE empty when they're gone, too? What if I don't like them being in school, and the space that it creates for me is just SAD and EMPTY and it leaves me in a more confused place?' Those worries have left me feeling fearful, a little bit worried, and intimidated. 

Sitting on the couch yesterday afternoon, I was telling Caleb about these things. It always takes me awhile to remember that I probably won't be helped by trying to figure out my emotions on my own, inside my own head. It'll help to talk. I just forget that helpful fact every time I feel a confusing emotion.

But it really did help to talk out what I was feeling. Caleb reminded me of a theme I was holding onto awhile back. I even wrote several blogs about it. Sometimes I forget the things that meant so much to me at one point of my life...and then I need to be reminded again. It's a little annoying. But anyway, he reminded me that I used to hold onto the truth from Psalm 23 that says: 

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.

Remembering all that that verse signifies for me helped my soul take a deep breath and it was like I could almost feel the intimidation starting to back pedal. In more words, what 'goodness and mercy following me all the days of my life' means for me is that, in Christ, good is around the corner. Disaster is not around the corner. Destruction is not around the corner. My life falling apart is not around the corner.

GOOD is around the corner. 

Good might not always look ideal. But because of Jesus and His love and His power and His commitment to never stop doing good to me, even hard will be good for me.

So I can pretty much rest about the fall, rest about what I might feel, what my life might be like, because I know I will have Jesus, and I know that with Him, it will be good.

Check out my previous blogs I wrote on 'good around the corner' 2 years ago:

Good Around the Corner Part 1

Good Around the Corner Part 2

Good Around the Corner Part 3

Good Around the Corner Part 4