Well, hello, reader of this blog post! I don’t typically start a blog post with a “hello,” but all the shifting and re-working because of Coronavirus might as well shift my blog post, as well. So, “Hello!” from our little home, our spot of being holed up here in Millville. This is me, trying to write this blog, at my house, while my girls are loudly FaceTiming their cousin, collaboratively playing Animal Jam together, excitedly exclaiming about the ‘trades’ they’re making:
Anyway, how has this week been for you? How has it been adjusting to social distancing, and new roles and routines at home and work, mentally and emotionally adjusting to the new reality of a global pandemic, navigating financial uncertainty, grappling with health threats? It’s just SO much. How have you felt? In the middle of it all, what has your soul, your inner self, been feeling, been experiencing?
Well, for me, it has sure been a mix. I’ve had moments of alarm, moments of fear, moments of fast-rising irritability, moments that included a lovely (yeah right!) Instagram-worthy (not at all) huge argument with my husband, where I burst into tears and promptly went upstairs and locked myself in our bedroom. Literally locked the door. I should have posted it, right? Just kidding. But right there in the middle of those emotions, I have also had moments of deeply enjoying the slower pace, soaking in the time with my family, enjoying new ways of checking in on people in my life.
One thing that stands out to me, though, as I look back on “Week One,” and as I move further into “Week Two,” is that throughout the adjustment period of Week One, I took in A LOT of data. Data through the news, through social media, through people’s reactions, people’s comments about how and what they were doing. And simultaneously, I implemented a lot of new routines and rhythms for myself and my home. I made a lot of decisions about my day and my emotions, about my use of time and about my actions.
But, to be honest, one thing I didn’t take in a lot of was…God’s Word to me. God’s promises. God’s instruction for how I should think and feel and interpret what’s happening.
As I realize that about myself, do you know what I sense God feels about me? I think He feels tender. And I think He gently invites me into something new as I move into Week Two.
I think He says, tenderly, that He knows me. He knows that my tendency to make conclusions about my safety, and conclusions about how I should feel and about my level of peace, based on what my eyes see and what my ears hear around me. He knows that I can go long stretches doing what seems right to me, moving independently from Him. But He speaks tenderly to me about my tendencies…because He purchased peace between me and Him…with His own blood. With His costly sacrifice. My moving and concluding, in interpreting my world, apart from Him, apart from HIs promises and HIs character, is sin. My basing my ‘read’ on my safety and provision on data and not on His promises is sin. But He is gentle and kind as He does not punish me for my sin, but He invites me to enter the restful place, the better place, the moving-toward-more-peace place of remembering His promises, even as I continue to follow news and be aware of what is going on in these days in our world.
And I hear His invitation, for this week:
“Steady yourself.”
His invitation to me is to root myself in His data. To over and over come to the fountain of His promises, of His Word, of His presence, and to remember who He is and, as a result, who I am.
So. Here goes. I’ll share with you some of the promises I’ll be steadying myself with for Week Two:
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation]. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me [following Me as My disciple], for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest (renewal, blessed quiet) for your souls. For My yoke is easy [to bear] and My burden is light.” “He lets me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still and quiet waters. He refreshes and restores my soul (life).” - There is a real place for me to be refreshed. There is a real place for me be exactly who I am, not better than I am, not hiding any of my emotions, or anything I’ve done, but to come just as I am, to this real place, to the real Person, Jesus, and to be refreshed with His presence, His Words, His instructions. I steady myself. (Matthew 11 and Psalm 23)
“Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the day of my life” - Today, I can be sure, completely sure, right in the middle of homeschooling my kids, in the middle of uncertainty about money, a shaky foundation about health, that right there, in the middle of it all, goodness and mercy are following me today. I steady myself. (Psalm 23)
“All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.” - These days are not random. I am not living out chaos. When I was two years old, the Lord knew about Coronavirus. When Moses walked the earth, the Lord knew there would be a time when social distancing would stop businesses and threaten livelihoods. Last month, when I was completely unaware of this coming month, He knew this would be my experience. I steady myself. (Psalm 139)
“He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake” - Paths of righteousness. He leads me in them. Why? For His name’s sake. Today, this month, with all that is going on with Coronavirus, in the middle of all that is happening in my heart, in the anxiety, the irritability, the uncertainty, the arguments with my husband, the unsteadiness and inability I feel in parenting, I can be certain that God is doing deep soul work within me. In all that I feel at being home and stuck in this house, He is doing a redemptive, sanctifying, soul-rescuing, freeing, increasing-in-righteouness, for-His-name’s-sake work WITHIN me! That is amazing, and mysterious, and beyond what I could ever imagine. I steady myself. (Psalm 23)
“And whoever gives to one of these little ones [these who are humble in rank or influence] even a cup of cold water to drink because he is my disciple, truly I say to you, he will not lose his reward.” - Today, and in this week, there will be plenty of moments to ‘give a cup of cold water’ to the ‘little ones’ in my home. Most significantly, my children, who are energetically present 24-7, of course. My husband. People who are not in my home but who I am still in contact with over the phone or Facetime or whatever in these days. There will be a million moments where I can take a deep breath, turn my eyes away from a screen, turn my attention away from what is distracting, look a little bit longer with a few moments of deeper attention to the beautiful God-design on their life. I can choose to be present, to look in their eyes, and to show up with that ‘cup.’ A cup of cold water can look many different ways in these weeks, but the Lord says that when I offer it, I surely won’t lose my reward. I steady myself. (Matthew 10)
“And the tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.” But he answered, “It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” - I take heart that Jesus was hungry. Jesus had needs. Jesus was tempted to trust in Him own powers to provide for Himself- to not wait for the narrative of God’s provision. And I take heart that, at the same time, Jesus did live off of bread: He said man doesn’t live by bread alone. There is a beautiful place for me today to live right in the middle: to be a human, a human who does not live on ‘bread alone.’ To be a human, I feel the emotions that come up in my soul through this experience. I grapple through them. I make decisions. I follow the government. I do human things. And at the same time, I also steady myself with God’s promises, His Word that settles and sustains me. I steady myself. (Matthew 4)
“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” - For me, the fear that really gets to me, that wakes me up in the night and causes me to panic, seems like it falls in the same basic category, and it’s strategic. I’ve realized that under most of my scariest fears, I hear the same thread: that what I’m fearing will happen to me will be random, that it will be bad, evil, and I’ll be alone. I’ll also lack provision, and the only provision that I could have will come to me based on my ‘goodness’- my ability to perform, to be mature, or to be successful. YUCK! I hate the strategy and category of those fears! But thanks be to God, who tells me over and over and over, “I am your Shepherd. These days are ordained for you. Nothing can separate you from my love. I provide for the sparrows and that is unfathomable that I do that- of course I will provide for you. And your ‘world’ (the people you love and your self) isn’t safe and provided for based on your goodness. Oh, no. You can’t rely on yourself. You are not the Savior. I am. I am the One whose goodness makes you safe, makes you provided for, makes you cared for. Rest in Me. Remind yourself of Me.” I steady myself. (Romans 8)
“But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby) will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him (the Holy Spirit) to you [to be in close fellowship with you].” - In the middle of the night, when I wake up with thoughts of panic, with thoughts of “Will I be able to secure my life and my loved ones? Will my ability and my goodness be enough or will chaos and evil reign,” I can realize that the voice that is whispering to me is fear. It’s an enemy voice. That’s NOT the voice of Jesus. And Jesus promised that when He left the earth, He’d send another Voice to live inside me: to help me, to comfort me, to advocate for me, to counsel me, to strengthen me. That Voice comes to be in close fellowship with me. So when I hear the enemy voice, the voice of fear, I can remember that Jesus has sent Another Voice, and I can ask that Other Voice, the Holy Spirit, if He would come and speak to me, to counsel me, advocate for me, comfort me, instead. I steady myself. (John 16)
So those are the promises that, this week, Week Two, I will be steadying myself with. How are you steadying yourself? What are ways you are slowing down from your ‘already-slowed-down quarantine’ to get to the Real Place of being with the Real Person of Jesus?
As I scooch off to think of something my kids can do besides hour two…or hour one billion (that’s what it feels like)…of Animal Jam, I’ll leave you with the playlist I made for this Coronabreak to remind me of the Lord, that He is with me, He is good, and He is strong. I steady myself. Enjoy.
—Sarah Howard
