Last week I sat in my cozy gray chair. No one else was up. It was dark. It was my favorite time of day in my home: dark and silent and still. I opened up my Bible application on my phone to that day’s Lent reading.

As I sat there, in the quiet of the still-sleeping house, I felt moved in my spirit by the words about Jesus…the words about His sacrifice for me. I even had tears come to my eyes. I lingered over the thoughts for a few more moments, and then I went to click off my phone and get ready for the day.

But then it hit me. Like a bucket of cold water had literally been dumped over my head all of the sudden.

Those moments were special, and yes, I was drinking in some important truths at the level of my cognition, and the truths even impacted my emotions.

But I was, without even noticing, ready to leave the time I had set aside to be alone with my Savior, the One who made me, happy to have just interacted with truth…and not directly, face to face, with the person of Jesus, who was the whole time right there with me.

Yes, the Holy Spirit was with me, leading me into truth. His softening of my heart and awakening my cognition to teaching me is a GIFT beyond what I can thank Him for.

But I am realizing that my tendency is to interact with knowledge and truth…and not with the actual presence of Jesus. I read and I learn and I understand and I even have emotions…and then I walk away without ever turning to the One who the knowledge is about, without ever experiencing the company and gift of His presence.

So what I did was very simple. I stayed a few more moments in my gray chair. I closed my eyes, and I said “Jesus.”

And I paused. I let myself realize that He was right there, with me.

And I said, “Jesus. Thank You for what You are saying to me this morning.” And I told Him what had touched my emotions, what had stuck out to my cognition.

And after a little while, then I got up from my chair.

—Sarah Howard