Providing For Me In My Pain

I get migraines several times a week.

I've tried lots of different things to try to help them. Currently I'm considering taking a preventative medicine. But as I've tried lots of different ways to help, so far they just keep coming.

Sometimes it's pretty stressful. I take a prescribed medication to stop the migraine once it starts, but my insurance only covers 9 pills every 28 days. And there are many days that I'm vacillating back and forth: do I take a pill? Again? Or do I save it so that I'll have enough later in the month? Because I usually do end up needing about 9 pills a month, give or take a few.

And I'm usually caught up in this mental battle, wondering if I can make it through without needing the medication, wondering if I'll have what I need when the next migraine hits...or the next or the next.

But you know what I realized a few months ago? I looked at my little container of migraine pills...and I noticed that when I refill my prescription, I always have a few left over. I always have just enough. Throughout the month, I always feel like I won't have enough or I might run out. But when it comes down to it, I might have 3 left over, or I might just have 1. But I've never NOT had enough.

I'm not saying that I won't ever run out of migraine pills. But I am saying that I haven't.

And yet I still worry every month.

And it makes me wonder...how many other areas of my life am I always taken care of, always provided for, always carried through, but I keep on worrying? 

When I'm in pain, I tend to think, "Oh no! PAIN! I need to control! I need to make it go away! I need to worry and strive to make sure I am provided for, to make sure I have enough!" But in my pain, Jesus is always taking care of me. He is a good, good Father. He is in control of every aspect of my pain, of my life. He's in control of the pain now, and He's also in control of how I'll be shaped and formed through it. He's in control of what I need and how I'll get it. He's just in control. Whether I perceive it or not.

And right there, in the middle of the pain, instead of worrying, I can force myself to take a deep breath, and I can remind myself that God is there, in the middle of it. And He's providing all that I need. I have enough. 

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God, My Surgeon

It was a Friday morning around 8 o’clock. I had just arrived at the hospital for another routine NST (non-stress test) where they were going to monitor the baby’s heart rate and my contractions. I would walk in, sit in the recliner, have the two monitors put on my belly, and they would hand me the clicker to press every time the baby moved. She would roll over. Click. Kick to the ribs. Click. Etc. Twenty minutes of monitoring and I would be all done. By this time in the pregnancy I had been coming in twice a week for a month and they all knew my name. I had gotten used to the routine and had come to expect to get in and get out.

However, things did not go as planned. Fifteen minutes into the test, I had a huge contraction. “No big deal,” I thought. I had been having them for weeks, and the nurses knew that because they often showed up on the test. However, this time was different. It seemed to take forever to ease up. One minute passed, then two minutes. Still I thought, “Oh well, I just must be dehydrated or something, no biggie.” Finally it started to subside. During the contraction I noticed that the nurse who usually monitors from her computer on the other side of the room had come to stand next to me and was intently staring at my monitor. “ Wow! Did you feel that?” she said. I replied with a simple, “Yep” all the while I’m thinking “Doi! Do you not see the peaks on that thing???”

I had handled it pretty well I thought, but it wasn’t me that she was worried about in that moment. The baby did not handle it well. Her heart rate that had held steady in the 150s had dropped down to 60 and then dropped off completely. Everything changed in a second. They laid me back, put me on oxygen and kept moving the monitor around to find the baby’s heartbeat. Welp, I was staying. After being admitted and constantly monitored over the next several hours, the baby’s heart rate kept dropping with contractions, and I was taken back for an emergency C-section. Ironically, after being prepped, it only took 10 minutes before I was a mommy again to a PERFECT baby girl.

The day of Alathea’s birth was hectic and not what I had envisioned or planned, but that was nothing compared to the pregnancy itself. My pregnancy was nothing short of a daily struggle. I had to take it one painstaking day at a time. For starters, I was on a low carb diet for gestational diabetes, so I had to plan ahead every meal so as to not go over my carb limit (PS. Carbs are in everything! I thought I was going to starve- lol). I had to check my blood sugar four times a day by pricking my finger for my ENTIRE pregnancy. I had to give myself six injections of insulin a day. I had to receive a hormone injection at the doctor’s office once a week for 20 weeks. I had no less than three appointments a week AND…a partridge in a pear tree! Haha, just kidding, but seriously it was a lot.

So, when Alathea was born, a part of me was like, “Are you kidding me? After all that, THIS is how she is going to be born, God?” The struggle during my pregnancy and her birth was not just physical but also mental and emotional. Day by day I had to cling to truth, not always sure that I believed it. Day by day I asked, “Jesus, where are you? Why is this so hard?”

It is only in retrospect that I am now able to see that He was bringing new life, not just into our family, but He was creating new life deep in me as well. I see that:

         - GOD was for me (My faith is stronger and I possess a greater endurance to weather hard things rather than being taken under).

         - GOD was there (I was able to hear God’s voice and feel His presence on the operating table. What?!).

         - GOD was in it (He was intentionally drawing close to me through those circumstances), and

         - GOD was working it out (Alathea was born healthy and my heart was being revealed).

Like a careful surgeon, He was and is exposing my false saviors and removing my misappropriated ideals. Sometimes, although it seems like Jesus does things the hard way (hard for me anyway), I know He can be trusted. And just like I was joyfully anticipating seeing my baby at the end of that C-section, I also look forward to seeing what beautiful life will be produced in my heart and soul when He is done.

Faith, Love and Perseverance: Essential Marks of God’s People

We can learn a great deal about others and their character through what we hear their friends or the public saying about them. I like getting my ear close to a letter the Apostle Paul wrote because, as I hear him speak about the church in Thessalonica, I get to learn about who they were as people. Furthermore, the way Paul speaks about them leaves me thinking that it would be worth imitating them. There are three key characteristics Paul highlights about these folks:

First, they have a faith that is growing abundantly.
Second, they have a love for each other that is increasing.
Third, they are persevering in the midst of persecutions and afflictions.

When I read what follows this description I am astonished. Paul makes a case that these evidences in a people point to the fact that there will be a judgement one day. And part of that judgement will include bringing deliverance to God's people from their persecutions and afflictions. God will do this. Sadly, during this judgement those who have not believed in God or disobeyed the Gospel of his Son Jesus will experience eternal destruction and will be alienated completely from the presence and glory of God and His Son.

But judgement is not be the only thing that will take place then. This will be a time when Jesus will be revealed and those who have believed in Him will participate in His glorification. They will marvel at Him! This will be considered the best show time the universe has ever had.

So, because there is so much at stake, Paul ends this chapter with a prayer. In his prayer, he asks for the Thessalonians for he desires for them to participate in the revelation of the Son of God. His prayer sounds like this:

God, make them worthy of your calling.
God, fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by your own power.
I ask these things so that they may be glorified in Jesus and Jesus in them by the grace you and the Son can provide!

Are you seeing your faith grow? How?
Is your love for others increasing? What is the fruit of that?
Are you enduring your persecutions and afflictions? What evidences this?

Take courage! God and His Son promise to make their grace available to you. You too can pray, and ask others to pray, that God will make you worthy of His calling; that He will fulfill every good resolve and every good work originated in faith by His power!

An Odyssey

I will tell you a sad story from many years ago.

I was thirty-one, and I was putting my seven-year-old daughter to bed one night. It was Christmas time, with carols galore everywhere, and after she said her (ritual) prayers, she wanted to ask me something. She said, “Mommy, is Jesus really God?”

This was during the period in my life when I THOUGHT I was a Christian because I had grown up in the church and I wasn’t Jewish so I must be a Christian, right? I hated child evangelism because I thought it was manipulating the emotions of children too young to make such decisions. Oh, I was very sure of myself. And so I said to my precious daughter, “Andi, that’s something you will have to decide when you get older.” She was so troubled, and she said, “But I want you to tell me!” And I said, again, “No, sweetheart. You will decide that when you are older.”

I remember feeling very shaky as I left her room, but I did not doubt that I had done the right thing. And so life went on. Some years later God brought me to the truth, and I REALLY became a Christian, and so did my children ---- all except Andi. It was like she had slipped through the cracks. And I suffered. I could clearly remember every detail of that night when she begged me to tell her who Jesus was, and I refused to give her the answer. She became like I had been; she and her husband went to church because that’s what nice people in Texas do on Sunday, but her life was her own. And I prayed and prayed through many tears.

Then, some more years later, she had an accident at work and had one finger removed, and came home to New Jersey in a cast to heal. And one Sunday night she was having dinner at her brother’s house instead of going to church like I wanted, and the reason that they didn’t show up was that her brother was leading her to the Lord! Praise God! Then she wanted to be baptized right away and so she was, in the ocean, with one arm in a cast held up above the waves!

BUT GOD…such wonderful, wonderful words!  In the midst of my grief and fear, He reached down and touched the heart of my precious daughter and repaired the damage of my arrogant decision. He also taught me a few things about needing to be right and the folly of ‘leaning on my own understanding.’

Do you, perhaps, have someone you love who resists every effort to tell him or her about your wonderful savior? Have you prayed and prayed, seemingly with no result? Have you wondered if God even hears you?

He hears, and He cares. It is so hard to try to understand God’s timing. My dear grandmother was a devoted Christian, and I know she must have known I wasn’t, and I know she prayed for me, but she died before I really learned to love the Lord. Still, when we pray for the salvation of one we love, we can be sure that we are praying in God’s will, and that He wants the same thing!

So be encouraged. Pray and pray and pray. Know that God’s timing is perfect. Know that God loves you and that loved one beyond your understanding. Remember all the seemingly impossible stories where great sinners turned to the Lord. Remember stories like mine, where I also had to repent of my arrogance and pride and allow God to change me.

This is the God we love and worship. This is the God we serve. And this is the God who loves us, and comforts every grieving heart. Trust Him.

The Seen Savior

When we read about the birth of Christ in Luke chapter 2, we are quickly drawn to this particular verse: "Today, in the town of David, a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord."  This is where the Savior was announced.  This is where the prophecies of the Old Testament came true.  This was the news of all history.  It is of particular interest to note that the man of God, Simeon, states with utter confidence eight days later in Luke 2:30, "For my eyes have seen your salvation."  Simeon knew he was looking at the Savior.

This Jesus, whom we call Messiah (the Christ, which literally means 'the anointed one') is the Seen Salvation.  God prepared this for the sight of all people.  It is a Seen Salvation.  He is a Seen Savior, which is a light for Gentiles and for the glory of Israel.  So, the invisible God becomes a visible God-Man - Seen.  He is a Seen Savior who provides a Seen Salvation.  His foretelling in prophecy - Fulfilled and Seen.  His birth - Seen.  His identity confirmed by angels and shepherds and kings - Seen.  His life - Seen.  His ministry of truth and miracles - Seen.  His sacrificial death - Seen.  His resurrection power over death - Seen.  His ascension - Seen.  His glorious return - Imminent.  Soon.  To be seen.  This is our Seen Joy.  Praise Him our Wonderful Savior whom is Christ the LORD!  May we help others to SEE Him in us and through us.

Blessings for Christmas, my LFAC friends!
Thor Knutstad

One Of The Bases For Thanking God In All Circumstances

Don't you love those commands we are given in the Bible that are so absolute? My humanity usually responds internally with something like, "Who can do this all the time?" Or "This seems so impossible!". Take for instance the imperative the Apostle Paul presents to us in 1 Thessalonians 5:18: "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." A couple of observations here. One, this is an all inclusive imperative--in all circumstances. That means there is no moment of my life that can be exempted from gratitude. Two, this is the will of God for us in Christ Jesus--which points to something we cannot do on our own or through other means but Jesus himself.

So yesterday I was reading this verse and was curious about the context. To my surprise, I saw a connection, for first time ever in my life, with verse 23-24. Let's say God is giving me more reasons to understand the basis for thanking Him in all circumstances. Here it is: because God is always working toward my "complete sanctification", everything becomes a tool or avenue for Him to accomplish that in me. So the basis for thanksgiving is that, in this moment, in this circumstance I am in, God is working toward my transformation. This transformation, or sanctification, involves my spirit, my soul and my body. It gets even better. Paul affirms that the one who calls us, God, is the one who is committed and is able to fulfill the promise of our transformation and presentation of a blameless life on the day when Jesus is revealed again.

So my gratitude in this moment could sound something like this:

"I thank you God because in Christ Jesus I am the direct beneficiary of your work in my life,
Thank you that your work at this moment involves my transformation,
I receive the molding you are doing in my spirit, my soul and my body,
And I renew my trust in you and your promise that you will accomplish your good purposes in me
Until that day when you will present me blameless at the revelation of my Savior."

Daily Bread:8 Reasons Why You Need It More Than You Think

Melissa Kruger, author of The Envy of Eve and Walking with God in The Season of Motherhood, wrote a blog that I think is perfect for all of us during this busy season of holidays. In her blog, Daily Bread, Melissa offers 8 essential reasons why we need to pursue daily times in the Word of God. I recommend this blog posted under the Gospel Coalition website. To read the blog please click here.

Setting Boundaries

Check out this video of Dr. Henry Cloud speaking on the Dave Ramsey show about boundaries with family! This holiday time can come with a very mixed bag for many people. Isolation, celebration, spending money on gifts, family gatherings, family issues all seem to be highlighted during this season. Hopefully this short 10 minute video will give you some helpful tips on healthy boundaries! Be blessed friends

Lois

Why My Christian Family Celebrates Hanukkah

Last year my wife, my sons, and I began celebrating Hanukkah.  On Sunday, we will once again begin eight days of observing this Jewish holiday, starting at sundown, with the lighting on the menorah, the eating of oily kosher foods, and the reading of the traditional blessing, in both English, and my best attempt at Hebrew.  We will play competitive games of dreidel, and give traditional gifts (small chocolate coins) to the kids.  We will talk about the victory of the Maccabees, the miraculous way that one day of oil lasted for eight days, and God’s provision for his people.  If I sound old-hat at this, remember, we just started celebrating this holiday last year. 

Here’s why we did:

Embracing Our Spiritual Heritage

We wanted to embrace the past and pay honor to our spiritual forefathers.  As Christians, many of us feel a strong connection to Judaism.  A large portion of our scripture is also the Jewish Torah. Our spiritual history includes Jewish history, Jewish law, and Jewish tradition.  If we read the Bible, we can not deny our Jewish foundation.  And generally, we embrace it.  This has not always been the case.  Throughout much of Christian history, we have shamefully persecuted Jews (and Muslims) in the name of Christ.   

Today, as we rocket toward the future, it can be difficult to connect with the past.  For my family, the reading of the Hanukkah blessings in Hebrew is a special and specific way that we slow down and feel a deep sense of kinship with our spiritual predecessors. 

Embracing Our Family Heritage

A few years ago, my sister and I were researching the genealogy of our family and discovered that our great-great-great-great-great-grandfather came from Germany in the early 1800’s.  Our ancestors, with names like Benjamin, Eli, Jacob, Samuel, and Ebenezer, gave us some clues as to their culture, and we were able to trace the family line directly to a Jewish village in northern Germany.  Interestingly, when visiting the National Holocaust Museum in Washington DC, I was able to see the actual Synagog door from the village of my family.

So, while we are not Jewish, my family is of Jewish ancestry, and we want to celebrate that.  We are undeniably American and Christian, but there is something to be said for focusing on something beyond ourselves and our own lives.  We chose, if only for eight days out of the year, to focus on our heritage.

Embracing a Less Commercial Holiday

First, let me make it clear that my family LOVES (and certainly celebrates) Christmas.  We love the spiritual aspects of Christmas, celebrating the birth of Jesus, the spirit of giving, and spending time with family.  But we also like looking at Christmas lights, giving and receiving gifts, watching Christmas movies, decorating the tree, and eating a lot.  Despite our best efforts to focus on the non-commercial, Christmas is both a religious and secular holiday.  In popular culture, it’s almost entirely secular.  For my family, there is nothing commercial about Hanukkah.  

I understand that for Jewish families that don’t celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah is becoming much more commercial.  But for us, Hanukkah is still purely about celebrating God, his provision for his people, and our spiritual history.  There is no expectation of gifts, no focus on decorations, no hustle-and-bustle.

So will we stop celebrating Christmas in favor of Hanukkah?  No.  But in celebrating Hanukkah, I hope that my sons learn something about the joy of celebrating a holiday that embraces the spiritual, the past, and family, without the trappings of our culture that is all-too-willing to commercialize it.  Perhaps celebrating Hanukkah will change the way we celebrate Christmas, giving us a better understanding of how we can interact with a holiday that celebrates the divine, when that divine meaning is often lost in the shuffle.

Prayer of Praise for Thanksgiving

"Father, You are the one to be praised and thanked.  We extol You and lift You up in Your virtuous and magnificent glory.  You are God.  You are the LORD.  You are the great 'I AM.'  You have harnessed the forces of nature through time and space to give us the blessed Gospel - Your beloved and precious Son, the incarnate God-Man, the Lamb, this crucified-for-sin Savior, the resurrected living LORD, the King of all earthly and heavenly thrones - an Almighty Redeemer God who will return like a lion to defeat His enemies and lay claim over His own.  You have given us one Shepherd as the Head - who knows every sheep in His pasture - you Messiah.  O LORD make us the sheep of your green pastures and protect us from ravenous wolves - and from the lone wolf of that dark pack who would seek to devour us.  Help us to follow Your one voice Jesus, whether you tenderly call us or urge us with rodlike warning.  Our gratefulness is so weak for your sustenance and protection, but, someday, we will FULLY declare your triumphant praise with your mighty angels.  We are thankful that this earthly life and earthly tent is not home; but that our real home awaits your forever eternal presence.  So come quickly LORD Jesus.  But while we patiently wait and seek to walk in Your righteousness, Spirit of God please see that contentment and shielded faith will guard our hearts and our minds in You and Your beloved Gospel, Christ Jesus.  Amen."  (In addition, see Psalm 136 for more praises of thanksgiving "His Love Endures Forever").

--May Thanksgiving encompass you all, Thor

Putting My Phone Down

A year ago I got an iPhone.

I thought I would never be one of those moms that's at the playground, scrolling through her phone and absently replying 'Uh-huh' when her child says 'Mom watch this!'

But unfortunately, I find myself looking at my iPhone way too much. It's almost like an unconscious habit to just pick it up when there's a spare minute and glance at email, texts, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or Pinterest. 

I don't like how often I look at it. Because my children see me. 

I know that they'll get their values from watching me. I don't want them to grow up thinking that this stupid little device is more important than what they have to say, more important than THEM. Ugh! Such a yucky thought. 

I recently saw something in a book that I've been reading that reminded me of my iPhone habit:

We give time to those things we love...The impact of not having one’s parents’ time creates the feeling of being worthless. The child is worth less than his parents’ time, attention, or direction. The young child’s egocentricity always interprets events egocentrically. If mom and dad are not present, it’s because of me. There must be something wrong with me or they would want to be with me.

The author, John Bradshaw, is obviously talking about a lifestyle of not giving attention to our children, but the severity of his words make me want to be intentional to value what is truly valuable: my children. 

So I'm trying to put my phone down more. To look into their eyes when I talk to them. To get on the floor and play with them a little bit each day. To make sure that what I'm giving my time to is really worthy of my love.

#Thankful

Thanksgiving is coming up next week. What?! Does anyone else think that it came fast this year? I do. So…what more appropriate way to show my gratitude than by writing an obligatory blog on thankfulness, right? Just kidding. No, but seriously, I’m not obligated, but I am learning to be thankful. Before you roll your eyes anticipating the common “I’m thankful for my family and pets” post (although there is nothing wrong with that), I am learning something a little different as I think about gratitude. I am learning to be thankful for myself. I’m not trying to be narcissistic, but there is something healing about being able to recognize God’s good work in me and where He has me and not just other people. 

It’s not easy. There is a phrase that I have seen floating around online that states, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” It’s true. I think as I am in the process of appreciating how God made me, one of the biggest things that hinders me in my fight for perspective and gratefulness is comparison. It seems especially easy to sit and play the comparison game when one spends any time online. Facebook or Instagram is a great platform for the aspiring “iPhone photographer” to capture a perfect moment from their life and display it for all to see with #blessed. Sometimes as I scroll through and see the mom who claims to have been up all night with her puking child while still managing to look like a hipster model of the year, or a friend whose every post as of late seems to be made while overlooking some scenic vista, it can bring up insecurities in my heart. I can be tempted to think, “What is wrong with me?!” “I don’t look like that after being up all night.” “Pssh, when was the last time I traveled anywhere but to and from my husband’s work on the ever exciting Delsea Drive? #Adventure?”

The lies that I tend to believe in those moments are, “There must be something wrong with you” or “Unless your life experiences are as exciting or more than so and so’s then you aren’t significant. You are boring.” Wow. The great thing though is that however vulnerable it has been to realize those lies, God is not afraid to meet me in messy places. There is freedom in bringing them into the light. HE IS GRACIOUS- so I don’t have to prove myself. I am significant because I AM HIS. So, I don’t have to apologize for being myself as if the story of my life was a really boring movie. I didn’t write it. GOD IS GREAT- so I don’t have to be in control I (even of what others may think of me).

I am a stay-at-home mother of two. I change so many diapers it’s comical sometimes. I don’t always look that great after being up all night feeding the baby, and that is ok. I haven’t been out of the country recently (although I went to Deptford yesterday, which was an adventure in itself with screaming children in the back). Sometimes, my most exciting evening consists of dinner on the sofa with my husband while the girls sleep.

My life right now is composed of many small moments, most of which may not make a pretty Instagram photo, but God is in them and God is with me. He doesn’t wait to show up after things “get more exciting.” Rather, on this ordinary adventure, He gives me grace to be fully present in everyday circumstances, fully myself without diminishing my experiences, and fully alive as I allow my heart to be formed by it all. He is revealing a beauty all my own as I get to see myself through His eyes, and for that I am truly thankful.

What is Spiritual Worship?

I am reading Romans 12 this morning because the other day my wife and I read this passage and experienced the richness of God's Word in such practical matters of life. The thought began with the realization that the Apostle Paul is dedicating a whole chapter to give us glimpses of what a transformed or renewed life can look like in our daily moments.

This morning, as I began reading the first two verses of this chapter, the first thing that grabbed my attention is the phrase "this is your spiritual worship". What is Paul referring to? He is affirming that spiritual worship includes our physical dimension--namely, our bodies. When we present our bodies--our physical dimension--holy and acceptable to God in any situation, not just on Sunday morning, we are engaging in spiritual worship.

I was chatting with someone the other day about how the term "worship"--when referring to specific segments of a corporate gathering--has served us well in some sense but has also reduced the scope of our personal worship. The term often conditions us to compartmentalize when we worship God. Biblically speaking, we do find instances where worship was a dedicated segment or event that was purposefully oriented toward God. But worship, as introduced by Paul here, is not limited to an event or a segment in a corporate gathering. Spiritual worship begins when I regard both my physical and non-physical life as a living sacrifice I can offer to God while I am engaging in any or every activity of life.

Let's stay in verses 1 and 2 to emphasize a couple of things. The first is that the qualifiers for a physical life that becomes spiritual worship are: sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God. This means there is an intentionality to bring to God our physical life. That we are leaning on Grace to live in a way that is aligned with his nature and plans. So eating our hearts out, driven by the motivation of wanting more and more, may not be a spiritual worship act. But perhaps eating in a way that considers in love the needs of others is. The second qualifier is found in verse 2. Paul points out that our mind needs to be engaged ina certain way in order to pursue this spiritual worship. Specifically, it needs to be renewed so that the outcome is that we test and discern what is the good, acceptable and perfect will of God. This is where a worshipful life begins to show certain kind of fruit. Spiritual worship entails more than signing hymns, songs or employing other meaningful liturgy.

So spiritual worship involves our physical and non-physical life, and the opportunity to do this is not limited to a segment or event; the opportunity to do this begins when we consciously open our eyes each new day. Spiritual worship is evidenced in the way we handle our physical life and ultimately in the way we test and approve the good, acceptable and perfect will of God. If we seek to actively worship God in some way or another but show no signs of transformation in the way we think and live, I would question if we are really worshiping God spiritually.

Let us consider how to grow in spiritual worship, both through our regular events (personal and corporate rhythms and practices) and also through the way we engage our physical and non-physical life before God. If we don't, we run the risk of being like the people described by the prophet Isaiah: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is based on merely human rules they have been taught." (29:13)

Diego Cuartas

How Can We Become People Who Empathize and Encourage Others?

I have never come across a resource that so clearly lays out sound actionables for developing empathy toward other people. If you are like me, you may find that we can empathize with others for a short time but after that a quiet voice tells us, “Come on, is it not time that they get over this or that?” Or, “What about me and my needs?". If you attend our church—Living Faith Alliance Church—this resource is a good supplement to the message Erik Howard, our church planter, shared this past Sunday. Seven Steps To Empathy will be worth your time. Unlike reading other blogs, this one may require you to spend a bit more time. A cup of coffee or tea may go along well with your reading. In this blog you will also find excellent video clips that illustrate the key points that Ken Sande is presenting. Ken is the director for the relational wisdom 360 ministry and is the former director for Peace Makers. Can I strongly encourage you to click here and invest in growing as a person who empathizes with others and thus generates encouragement?

Sincerely,

Diego Cuartas

What's Your Story?

If you are reading this blog right now, you probably have taken the time to click on the lfachurch.org website, you’ve navigated down to the counseling blog, did a click and here we are! Well, I personally want to thank you in all sincerity for taking the time out of your life to read my thoughts about things to hopefully help us all out, in one way or another. When preparing for these counseling blogs, sometimes I think I know what to write about, and other times I feel absolutely blank. This particular time, I have started three different ones and finally landed somewhere. Sometimes I think the blog has to be this really great, phenomenal manuscript that comes forth, only to end up in a frustrating half-written document. Then I stop and say, “God, what little nugget of truth can I bring to hopefully make somebody’s day, week, maybe life make a little more sense? Maybe to offer a fraction of help in dealing with the circumstances of their current situations in relationships, boundaries, worship, life, messiness, brokenness, hopelessness, you name it.” I almost titled this one, “As The World Turns,” taken from the well-known daytime soap opera. I can recall the daytime soaps of “All My Children,” “Days of Our Lives,”  “Ryan’s Hope” and of course “General Hospital” with Luke and Laura! Then we have the nightly soaps of “Dynasty,” “Dallas,” and “Grey’s Anatomy.” Many people tune in to keep up with the story line. What’s happening? Who’s with whom?

Why? I’m glad you asked. I believe many of us can identify with the characters. Some even overly identify and begin living out the fantasy of the story line in their own lives. When a character dies, people grieve. When there’s a wedding, viewers tune in and celebrate the fictional character’s milestones. Why? You ask really good questions! Maybe it’s because we sometimes have very similar circumstances playing out in our lives and we think, wow, I’m not alone. Or, watching other people’s stories, even if they are fictional, can be an escape from our own world as it turns and turns. Sometimes giving us motion sickness!

Here is what I believe I am supposed to write about this time. The life stressors that seem pretty common to everyone- single, married, male, female, child or adult, all races (real life and TV land): Pain, Anxiety, Confusion, Stress, Sex, Time, Money, Communication, Self Hatred.

It’s across the board:

• Kids at six years old in the crisis ward that have tried to commit suicide
• Kids addicted to pornography at six years old calling sex lines
• Females seven and up starving themselves to death and cutting their bodies
• Men getting their self worth from deviant sexual behavior and 90 hour work weeks
• Suicides
• Addictions, Addictions, Addictions

And the list goes on and on. These are just a few of the bondages people get caught in.

This is a little glimpse into the world of real people and the real pain they walk in everyday and the extreme measures people take to medicate or numb the pain, even for a few hours, if at all possible. Unfortunately, many of the ways people are choosing escape actually costs them their lives or dramatically changes their lives forever.  

This is big stuff. Some of you may be shocked by the things that I have written above, some of you may have those very things and more going on currently in your circle of friends and/or family.

It can be crippling and lead to utter hopelessness.

Friends, I want to let you know that we can support you in your journey. There are real people at Living Faith Alliance Church that desire to walk side-by-side with you, in very real and tangible ways.  In addition, we have professional counseling services, trained support people, classes for adults and children, and a free program called Celebrate Recovery for anyone with Hurts, Habits and Hangups. That’s all of us friends! Don’t continue to try to do this life by yourself in isolation.

Now, back to “What’s Your Story?” There’s great news. I would like to introduce you to the best storyline ever, the one where your story belongs. It’s called “God’s Story.” He actually thought of YOU and created YOU. There has never ever been anyone exactly like YOU in all of history. Nor will there ever been anyone like YOU in the future. He put UNIQUE GIFTS INSIDE of YOU for HIS STORY! It’s an awesome story too!! Check out our website and contact us. We would be honored to walk by your side as you learn about how you fit into God’s Story. It certainly is a great adventure. Ready to get started?   

Be Blessed Friends!

Lois Robinso

Desperately Necessary: The Leader's Humility with a Word on Prayer

The LFAC counseling staff team all had the recent privilege of attending the CCEF (Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation) 2015 National Conference in Virginia Beach, VA.  Diego and Cindy, my wife Lisa and I, Lois, and Tammy all traveled south to participate in various sessions related to 'Side by Side Ministry' as it pertains to Christian counseling in the local church.  We worshipped and sang with almost 2000 people, together - that was amazing.  We made new friends together.  We ate many meals together.  Someone described one particular meal as "a party in the mouth."  It was pretty tasty if I do say so myself.  We also fellowshipped together.  We shared our hearts together.  We served one another together.  And we laughed together.  I mean, we laughed together. A lot.  Often.  It was a tremendous blessing to all of our respective ministries as the LFAC Leadership made this investment in each of us.  We were blessed.

Many of my professors from the mid to late 1990s not only worked for CCEF, they also taught at both Westminster Theological Seminary and Biblical Theological Seminary.   I have had the privilege of sitting under the teaching of Dr. David Powlison, Dr. Ed Welch, and Dr. Paul David Tripp for many seminary classes.  I would later work with these men as a staff counselor at CCEF myself.  When I was there, I felt so small - they were the gurus of what we do as Counselors.  Ten years ago when I did some part-time counseling for CCEF as a local pastor, I was so out of my league.   I was always impressed with the deep humility and concern that these men have had for me in my life and my ministry.  When I was a green in the early 2000's and new at CCEF, I counseled out of Paul David Tripp's office (Paul is still affiliated with CCEF but started his own ministry a few recent years ago).  Using his office back in 2005 was quite intimidating to me, but I adjusted and made it work.  One evening about 8:45 PM, with the session nearing the end at 9 PM, my eyes caught movement just under his office door out in the hallway.   I could see shoes just standing by the door way but just waiting - they didn't move.  I finished the session just after nine and dismissed the couple.  There stood Paul Tripp.  He casually walked in and over to his desk and said to me, "Sorry Thor, I forgot my briefcase."  I replied, "Oh Paul, you should have just knocked and I could've gotten it for you.  I'm sorry you had to wait."  Paul look at me directly and then said, "I've been doing this way too long to not know that you never know what's going on in a counseling session...especially at the end.  I was happy to wait."  With a reassuring tap on this young shoulder, he quickly left the office.  He will never ever know how his humility and his patience left a 'spiritual fruit' impression on me that night.  It was not a long moment by any means but his words have lasted.  I saw humility and patience on display in that man that I will never forget.

Dr. Edward T Welsh and Dr. David Powlison each spoke several times during the training conference last week.   Introducing Ed, Dave said to nearly 2000 attendees, "Ed Welch does not consider himself to be his own resume."  If you've heard Ed speak or teach, he's quite gentle and very unassuming as a leader.  He defines both "gentle and humble of heart" during the conference.  Later that day, Ed came up to me and gave me a great big hug.  It had been like ten years since we had seen each other.  Asking me what was new in life, I told this old trusted professor of mine the story of the last ten years, introduced him to my wife Lisa, and safely told him that I'd been through a divorce and how my kids have suffered (it was like the 60 second version of my story).  With heartfelt sorrow and genuine grief, he looked at me compassionately and sincerely stated, "Thor, I'm so sorry to hear you went through that."  It wasn't what he said - it was HOW he said it.  This genuine embrace that let me be real.  Ed's caring curiosity made me feel unashamed in the moment.  He, like Paul, practices what he teaches concerning side-by-side relationships.

Leaders, in humility, we must practice what we preach, teach, and counsel.   It is necessary that we show forbearance and patience to others that we train and equip and prepare to do the work of the ministry.   It is necessary that we steward our words to them and speak similar affirmations and encouragement.   It is necessary that we authentically care for them and hear their stories.  It is necessary that we use every opportunities to touch others' hearts with the heart of our Lord Jesus and with the Gospel.  Lived-out humility is a necessity to living on mission - and to living out this mission called the Christian life.  It is desperately necessary that we do so.

Recently, I was asked by my dear friend Foye Belyea to join him to help teach and facilitate a theological class at my alma mater Cairn University (PCB, PBU).  Honestly, after a full day of counseling, I wanted to grab a bite to eat and have fellowship with my brother whom I had not seen in a couple years.  After the class, instead of going to eat immediately, seven students approached each of us to talk and for counsel.  We talked and listened and prayed over them for almost two hours after the class lecture had ended.  We finally went to eat around 10pm, but we were utterly exhausted.  Yet as we broke bread, a deeper bond of humble friendship and strength was welded.  We served together - we sacrificed time together - we let the Spirit make an impact on those college students bound for minutes that will not be easily forgotten by them.  All we did was give some time, some encouragement, some care and some Christ-like love to some hurting college students.  But humility and patience were on display.  The encouragement of the Holy Spirit prevailed as well.  It was worth it.  It was desperately necessary.

Let me leave you with a prayer principle.  It may not seem related to all that I have just said about the necessary qualities of a spiritual leader and humility, but it may be something many of you can use as leaders.  We pray because we need the humility of an unknown answer from God.  In other words, "prayer acknowledges our own weakness and makes humility matter UNDER God" (David Powlison, CCEF 2015).  You see, whether I counsel or I preach or have fellowship and prayer, this displays honest human need while exhibiting a humbled stance UNDER the sovereign God.   He actually cares about my and your heartaches and struggles.  Prayer puts us UNDER God.  Humble prayer aligns us away from our perceptions and our interpretations and moves us closer to God's grand reality.  Prayer shows and actually sows distrust in our own resources and aims us on the real resource - mainly Christ, Who displays real trust and in Whom we trust.  "To not pray is insane" (David Powlison CCEF 2015).   To not pray is proud and arrogant.  Therefore dear ones, be humble and pray.  Don't be insane.  Pray with and for people.  For it is the defining mark of humble prayer that combats pride and ACKNOWLEDGES WE ARE UNDER GOD.  And it is desperately necessary.

Thor Knutstad

In Other News...

News tends to fade quickly in our society.  A story might dominate the headlines for a few days, or a week, or if it’s a big or developing story, it might stick around for a few weeks.  But inevitably, we lose interest.  Even an ongoing crisis tends to fade from the spotlight as we, the news consumers, get fatigued.  We like our news in soundbites, in small neatly packaged three minute segments, or in less than three swipes on our iPad.  Maybe it speaks to our fickle consumerism or our fast-paced lifestyle, but most of the time when the camera crews leave, the crisis doesn’t pack up with it.

Have you given much thought to Syria lately?  Last week, the EU saw its highest number of incoming refugees yet.  While America is losing interest, the people fleeing for their lives are still fleeing for their lives, in no less dramatic a fashion as they were three weeks ago when we were paying attention.  Every day, children and their parents pack onto overcrowded small boats to cross choppy water, many of them never making it to dry land. 

Granted, this is one of many crises happening around the world.  We have millions of children living in poverty in our own country (16 million to be exact), and millions more around the world.  There is also ISIS that is oppressing entire cities and overtaking countries. Not to mention drought and famine in Africa, earthquakes in Asia, oppression of the people of North Korea, and on and on.

In the face of such great challenges across the globe and here at home, how are we to respond?  The people of God are called to love our neighbors as ourselves.  We are called to pray for suffering people, even after the news coverage ends, even when they are not the flavor of the month.  We are also called to give.  The Christian organization World Vision, who has been on the front lines caring for the refugees, recently announced a “massive funding shortfall,” which they say impacts children especially hard.  Statistically, Christians are better than others at doing charity work, but not so great at non-tithe charitable giving.  We should be leading the pack.  

Christian financial guru Dave Ramsey, of “Financial Peace University” fame, encourages families work out their finances, get out of debt, and build wealth.  He also emphasizes giving.  He says that Christians should be able to give like no one else.  Why aren’t we?  Could it be that we’ve fallen into the trap of not noticing the people in need around us, not seeing them as real people during the three minute news segment?  We get so wrapped up in our own lives that Syria becomes something we heard about a few days ago and poverty becomes something for politicians to worry about.

We have been called by God to love.  Love through praying and love through giving.  If millions of Christians began to take giving seriously, all of these crises might not seem so daunting. 

A Wiser Way to Confront in Love

This past week I had the opportunity to attend a conference where Alasdair Groves, counselor with the CCEF, presented 10 ways to confront others in love. As he put it, the first five points he shared are really very positive ways in the spectrum of confronting someone. It is not until point six, when necessary, that he encourages anyone to say “I have a concern”.  Confrontation, suggests Groves, should be pursued when relational tension exists beyond reasonable patience and/or when an offense can not be overlooked (Proverbs 19:11).

Before you pursue loving confrontation make sure to consider these two principles:

1. Deal with your own heart first; it is not about being right, it is about caring for another.

2. Be gentle, use the least amount of force required (Galatians 6:1). 

Now to the specific steps:

1. Ask questions; don’t assume that something is wrong. Ask, why would you that?
2. Encourage; even though you see the bad, be proactive to name the good.
3. Remind the other person of what is good (2 Peter 1:12). Make sure to state some good obvious goal. 
4. Exhort the other person; say to the other person this is something good to press after (Hebrews 12:1-4).
5. Acknowledge temptation or the difficulty of temptation the other person may be experiencing. 
6. Express concern; name the problem and express your concern.
7. Admonish/warn; if you keep at it, here are some consequences you will encounter.
8. Plead/urge; please don’t do this.
9. Rebuke; do not do this; express the clarity of sin and contrast that to goodness—what God considers righteous.
10. Hand over/cut off; this is the point where you may need to tell the person, “If you insist in choosing this path, I can’t do anything else to bless you”. In 1 Corinthians 5:5, Paul gives an example of someone being handed over to Satan only for the purpose of seeking the ultimate restoration of the individual. 

I hope these ways to approach confrontation aides you given that all relationships are fertile grounds for conflict and confrontation. May God give us the grace to love well as we pursue wise and gentle confrontation.

There is Love in Mad

I said 'No' to Ava. Since she's 5, of course, she didn't like it. 

So she made a mean face at me.

I told her, "I cannot allow that. I love you too much to let you make those kind of faces at me...because it will hurt you if I allow you to make a mean face at me when I say 'No.' I cannot allow you to make that face at me because when you are old, I do not want you to make that face at God when He says 'No' to you." And so I gave her consequence. 

Later, in the car, Bethie, who is 3, asked if I am mad at Sissy. Her Dad explained it to us all. He said, "Mommy is upset that Sissy made a disobey face at her. But, girls, mad is a part of love. Laugh is a part of love. Fun is a part of love. Upset is a part of love. And mad is a part of love. In our family, we will get upset at each other. Ava will get mad at Mom. Mom will get mad at Dad. Dad will get mad at Bethie,

AND we will talk it out and love each other.

This is how it will be in our family. Mad does not mean I do not love you. Mad means I am upset, I think you did something wrong, AND we will bring it up, talk it out, AND you will have my love. This is how we will deal with mad in our family."

So Bethie, of course, decided to test this new theory. She said she was mad at Ava for her disobeying face. So her Dad helped her to practice this new idea by having her tell Ava, "Sissy, I'm mad at you for doing a disobey face to Mommy." And he had Ava repeat back to Bethie why she was mad: "You're mad at me because I made a mean face to Mommy." Then he helped Ava say, "I'm sorry, Bethie, for making a disobeying face at Mom. I did not do the right thing. And that hurts our family." And then he helped Bethie say, "Your disobeying was wrong. But you will have my love...always. I love you. I forgive you. And you are like me. We both need Jesus to rescue us."

This is not something that I know as a Mommy. Because this was not something I knew as a Little Girl. This is something I am learning. 

When I was a little girl, I learned that mad means that I no longer like who you are. Mad means that even if only for a short time, you will lose my love. Mad means something very bad. Mad is what you want to avoid at all costs. Never, ever, ever make someone mad at you. Mad is not a part of love. Try your very best to be the very best so you'll never give anyone a chance to get mad. 

But if someone DOES get mad, do your very best to weasel your way out of it. Do not bring it up, do not talk it out. Pretend it's not there. Smile it away. Be extra nice and maybe the love will come back. But if you can not 'nice' the madaway, wear the bigger smile but put up your walls, because mad will take the love away.

And if you are mad, stuff it down, lock it up, and never talk about it. Because if you talk about it, love will go away. Because mad is not a part of love. 

But that day in the car, the Dad of our family, he told us. He told us the Truth. 

There's love in mad and there's mad in love. 

And the truth is we cannot do good enough to never make anyone mad. We all do the wrong thing. We all make mistakes. We cannot save ourselves by never making each other mad or sad. But when we talk it out and remember that there's love in mad and mad in love, we find that together, all of us, we are the same: we need Jesus. So we will talk it out and we can still love each other. Because it's so safe to know that there is mad in love and love in mad. The mad is not so scary when we know that the love stays and that Jesus is rescuing us all.

It's then that we can say: "I'm mad at you."

Reframing Our Current Realities Makes The Difference

I like how Deepak Reju introduces the importance of helping reframe our reality in order to reorient our soul or help others in the midst of their hardships. Reju gives a good example of how important it is to choose the right picture frame to bring out the best in a picture. Something similar happens in life: how we frame our situations will mark the difference in terms of how we see what we are presently living (not to mention, this will determine how we cope with our situations). Reframing them according to faith will give us a better perspective. I recommend you read this short and helpful blog. To read it, click here.

Sincerely,

Diego Cuartas