Thanksgiving is coming up next week. What?! Does anyone else think that it came fast this year? I do. So…what more appropriate way to show my gratitude than by writing an obligatory blog on thankfulness, right? Just kidding. No, but seriously, I’m not obligated, but I am learning to be thankful. Before you roll your eyes anticipating the common “I’m thankful for my family and pets” post (although there is nothing wrong with that), I am learning something a little different as I think about gratitude. I am learning to be thankful for myself. I’m not trying to be narcissistic, but there is something healing about being able to recognize God’s good work in me and where He has me and not just other people.
It’s not easy. There is a phrase that I have seen floating around online that states, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” It’s true. I think as I am in the process of appreciating how God made me, one of the biggest things that hinders me in my fight for perspective and gratefulness is comparison. It seems especially easy to sit and play the comparison game when one spends any time online. Facebook or Instagram is a great platform for the aspiring “iPhone photographer” to capture a perfect moment from their life and display it for all to see with #blessed. Sometimes as I scroll through and see the mom who claims to have been up all night with her puking child while still managing to look like a hipster model of the year, or a friend whose every post as of late seems to be made while overlooking some scenic vista, it can bring up insecurities in my heart. I can be tempted to think, “What is wrong with me?!” “I don’t look like that after being up all night.” “Pssh, when was the last time I traveled anywhere but to and from my husband’s work on the ever exciting Delsea Drive? #Adventure?”
The lies that I tend to believe in those moments are, “There must be something wrong with you” or “Unless your life experiences are as exciting or more than so and so’s then you aren’t significant. You are boring.” Wow. The great thing though is that however vulnerable it has been to realize those lies, God is not afraid to meet me in messy places. There is freedom in bringing them into the light. HE IS GRACIOUS- so I don’t have to prove myself. I am significant because I AM HIS. So, I don’t have to apologize for being myself as if the story of my life was a really boring movie. I didn’t write it. GOD IS GREAT- so I don’t have to be in control I (even of what others may think of me).
I am a stay-at-home mother of two. I change so many diapers it’s comical sometimes. I don’t always look that great after being up all night feeding the baby, and that is ok. I haven’t been out of the country recently (although I went to Deptford yesterday, which was an adventure in itself with screaming children in the back). Sometimes, my most exciting evening consists of dinner on the sofa with my husband while the girls sleep.
My life right now is composed of many small moments, most of which may not make a pretty Instagram photo, but God is in them and God is with me. He doesn’t wait to show up after things “get more exciting.” Rather, on this ordinary adventure, He gives me grace to be fully present in everyday circumstances, fully myself without diminishing my experiences, and fully alive as I allow my heart to be formed by it all. He is revealing a beauty all my own as I get to see myself through His eyes, and for that I am truly thankful.
