Self-Confidence

I envy confident people. I see them everywhere—at work, at church, at family gatherings. Their lives seem so much easier than mine. They breeze through life, never paralyzed with doubt or second guessing. They never seem to wonder if they are “good enough.”

I want to be them.

I know that my viewpoint is a huge generalization and is mistaken in many ways. The mistake I am wrestling with right now is that I have an inaccurate definition of confidence.

Dictionary.com defines confidence as “belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.” The dominant word here is SELF. And isn’t this just what our society demands, a devotion to our talents, appearances, careers, and material possessions?

Even the lack of self-confidence is a type of devotion to self. The focus is on one’s own deficiencies and the wish to be a “better” self. Why else would self-improvement books, videos, and television shows be such a prominent part of American culture? Having low self-confidence is just as self-absorbed as having high levels of self-assurance.

Placing confidence in anyone outside oneself is such a radical approach to living that I can’t grasp it. The Book of Philippians presents a view of the possibilities of life that flips all conventional cultural wisdom on its head. The verses on confidence are no exception.

We are to have no SELF-confidence? That’s what Paul calls for.

Since Pastor Nate’s sermon last Sunday on confidence, I’ve been trying to imagine a life rooted COMPLETELY in Christ, not my performance. Not basing my value on my job performance? Worrying about how effective a teacher I am is such a huge part of my life, my brain space, that I can’t imagine life without that stressor. A life lived doing my job to the best of my ability but not worrying about it all the time? Wow. That seems so far out of reach!

Imagining this life is revealing how amazingly self-focused I am and how few of my thoughts center on Christ’s view of me as a child of His. I really struggle with the concept that none of life-NONE OF IT!-is about me. It would be such freedom to live without the struggles of performance based values, but do I really want to let my selfishness go? I’ve lived with it for forty years…it is just a part of who I am. 

The human mind and heart are tricky. We want to have confidence, but we shy away from the only One who can give us true assurance of our worth. We still tend to put faith in the temporal things of our own weak and inadequate brains because we want it to be all about us, all the time.  

As I sit here wondering with my low self-confidence if my clinical strength deodorant and anti-humidity hairspray are still working in this unbearably hot room, I realize once again how sanctification is an ongoing process. Someday I will be confident in Christ and stop worrying about all this other “stuff.” Starting with one step at a time, right here, right now.

The Heard of Media

(By Thor Knutstad)

Media, which used to mean 'newspapers and radio then became big screen and television,’ has evolved to an "out-of-context forum of public opinion" where injustices are highlighted, sadness and sin are put on display, and the diluted facts are often completely distorted and deluded.  When each does what is right in his or her own mind (and each is his own authority), it's a panacea and panoramic display of anger, self-protection, chaotic expression and 'the false glory desire of being heard.'  Being heard?  Yes. Heard. Listened to. Acknowledged. Not dismissed.  Is the issue about ISSUES or is it about being heard because life has silenced many?  Hmm - ponder this.  Being heard.  Defiance and "sin glorying" and hate, dividing and excusing actually do "SAY" something, don't they?  Where has reason gone?

As the final tide of eternity turns and as earthly division arises, may believers be unified and of one heart for the sake of the Gospel.  Sin and the enemy Satan are winning daily battles in subtle ways via Heard Media, but the real victory is ultimately in Christ Jesus as depicted in God's Word - and the foot of the Savior journeys on to save many souls.  If that doesn't make any sense to you then you are eating from the famine of truth. No wait, you may be eating from 'the famine of Hearing The Truth'.  The latter may be greater than the former by all means.  Oh what grief this brings to our hearts. Even Christ-followers have traded the quiet of God's Holy spiritual wisdom in Word for a blue and white scrolling catalog of nothingness that tries to highlight everything. Connected but lonely. Lonely yet connected. Sort of. Yet we have gained the appearance of horizontal intimacies for a loss of vertical intimacy.  Maybe this is why anxiety and fear reign in darker moments?  Maybe this lack of personal truth in our embattled hearts creates blind spots that are darker than the worst London Fog. Does 'The Son' really clear out the fog in your life, in your perceptions, and in your viewpoints? Passion and voice aren't an excuse for lacking clarity, reason, and Truth.

Stand firm in the faith, people. Do not let your ears be tickled by the deceiving spirit of antichrist all around you in this latent fog disguised as a vapor of mist. Only when you have absorbed more Bible and reckoned with the Man of Truth (The Risen Christ called Jesus) than those hourly poisonous doses of news and FaceBook, will you ever possibly begin to comprehend a larger, wider, and bigger picture of His unfolding plan. Stand firm, brothers and sisters. For He will bring all things under Him who is Head, even Christ. Come quickly, Lord Jesus - for the groaning and the longing of your people is echoing through Heaven's hallways like the hourly church bell rings throughout the town. Praise Him. 

How Psalm 23 Helps Me in Moments of Fretting

(By Diego Cuartas)

Just this morning, I was fretting. While I was considering the different things that were in my day, I was feeling like I had little margin for anything else. It is in this context that I fretted because of some comments my wife made that I was interpreting as demands or expectations on her part. When I get to this point I'm recognizing that I am not as a loving in my responses to my wife. I offer short answers; I get frustrated and deep inside annoyed by the circumstances. I also think there is a belief going through my head regarding what I assess as unfair or unjust. An undercurrent line that says, "It is not fair that these things are being imposed on me at this moment!". And I find myself reacting to that.

So as I found a few minutes to slow down, before taking care of some lab work, I sensed God prompting me through His Spirit to read Psalm 23. This chapter is packed with with descriptions of who God is and what He is doing all the time--now and future. The following verbs or actions give me insight into who He is and what He is doing in every circumstance--including those when I am fretting:

• He is my shepherd and addresses my needs
• He is able to lead me to places of nourishment and rest
• He leads and restores my soul
• His guidance in my life is aligned with the pursuit of His good fame 
• He is present with me through correction and offers me comfort 
• He is my defender and bestower of blessings in my life to the point of satisfaction
• He is committed to offer me goodness and mercy into my future days
• And all this drama of life will end up with me and Him together living eternally--with this kind of Shepherd! 

In light of these realities, I can ask myself the following questions in my moments of fretting--and use them to X-Ray my heart and hopefully realign my thoughts with Him and be able to live hopefully, in gratitude and loving others well:

1. Who do I believe is with me in this moment?
2. What do I think I am entitled to? And who do I believe is responsible for delivering that to me?
3. Who is in control of my present?
4. Who can seek my best "good" and actually secure it for me?
5. Where can I find true rest and peace?
6. What do I believe I have to be in this situation or what do I believe I must do to come out of it ok?
7. Who do I believe will secure justice for me?
8. If God is this good and gracious to me, how can I be good and gracious to others in this moment?

May God help us believe that we can live as people who have a Good Shepherd--who oversees and cares for us--rather than living life as an orphan who believes that life, good and justice depends on our own efforts. Fretting will turn into trusting!

Is Authenticity Enough?

“It developed like a second language that I don’t understand.  I believe I was praying perfectly.  I know other people say they faked it, but I don’t feel like I did.  I know it was real.”  -anonymous, on speaking in tongues

(This quote is from a podcast called “This is Actually Happening”, from the episode “What if you used to speak in tongues?”  If very strong language doesn’t bother you too much, I recommend listening to it - but not in front of the kids.)

Is it possible to have a fully authentic Christian experience, and walk away from it?  Did someone who “loses” their faith, ever have it to begin with, or were they just faking it, or going through the motions?  Having grown up in the Church, I have had the opportunity to meet some super-spiritual people, and watch some of those same super-spiritual people walk away from their faith.  Either I am a terrible judge of character who grew up surrounded by adolescent and teenage scammers, or something else is happening.  I have known people who seemed to have it all together, and decided that Christianity wasn’t for them.

The speaker in “What if you used to speak in tongues?” recounts her experience in a charismatic church setting, with tongue-speaking, faith healing, and being slain in the spirit, but at its core it is not much different that the church I grew up in, or that I see my kids growing up in.  We, as parents and CM leaders, want to provide opportunities for authentic God experiences, which is fantastic.  But the young person in “What if…” seems to have had that.  She believes her experience was real, authentic, and valuable.  So why is her story called “used to” speak in tongues?  Because she gave up on religion.  If you listen to her story, it boils down to the fact that she was hurt by the church, and all of her very real and meaningful experiences weren’t enough for her.  

I have witnessed this trajectory before, and I don’t know if the modern church has a valid strategy for preventing it in the future.  Statically speaking, one of my own kids or their friends, having experienced God, will decide that staying in the church is either more painful than leaving, or simply lacks enough meaning to them.

So what are we supposed to do?  First, we need to understand that people change.  I have a friend who’s beliefs are not far from mine, but he can’t see them fitting into the narrow box of his idea of Christianity.  He can’t get past all of the prerequisites (including the need to speak in tongues) that he grew up with, so he feels that he has no place in the church.  We are all at different places, and accepting people on the journey without judgement is important.  Church is not an exclusive club for people who meet the requirements. 

We can also recognize that young people leave the church because their faith isn’t personally meaningful to them.  They have the faith of their parents, who made them attend church and have God experiences, but it never became their own, first-hand faith.  Maybe their friends went to church, but if their faith is not their own, they will likely see no reason to remain in the church, when there is no requirement or pressure to do so.

So, is authenticity enough?  Sometimes.  But no amount of striving on my part can create authenticity for someone else.  And even when an authentic experience happens, there’s still no guarantee that it will outweigh all else.  I suppose it’s truly a miracle when a person decides for themselves that, despite the potential for pain, an authentic relationship is worth pursuing, and holding on to.

Jeff Hyson

Make Sure Your Lights Are Lined Up..... One Way I’ve Learned to Hear God’s Voice

(By Lois Robinson)

A question I get asked a lot is, “How do I learn to hear God’s voice?” It happens to be the same question I had years ago. Through the years I have learned there are many teachings on how to hear God’s voice, how to discern His voice over the enemy’s voice and so forth. All are very important to learn. James 4:8 says, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.”

I have learned by spending time with Him, much like spending time with a best friend or family member, you tend to learn the sound of their voice. A good example of this is when that person calls you,  it would be silly if they actually identified themselves. You usually know the sound of their voice because of the close relationship you have cultivated.

But, there is another way I have learned to discern God’s voice, and as the title of this blog reads, it involves a cool little story about a great man of God named Hoppy, an oyster boat, and lights on pilings down at the pier at night!

Way back when I was a young adult, 27-28 maybe, I remember serving in the role of the organist at Deerfield Methodist church. One weekend a Revival Service was held and the evangelist was a man by the name of Wilbur Hoffman. His nickname was “Hoppy”. Boy did he preach! What he shared, I have never forgotten. I am 51 years old now and I still hold on to what he said that night. Here goes:

By trade, he ran an oyster boat down at Port Norris, NJ. At night, when he came in off the sea gathering oysters, he had to make sure his lights lined up. What he meant was quite literally the lights on the pilings at the port. He then proceeded to draw a set of 8 circles, each representing a light on a piling.  There were 2 circles drawn on the top, about 5 inches apart, then 2 more below them, again 5 inches apart and so forth. This image was to give the appearance of the lighted port that his boat had to navigate through in order to dock. Something like this:      

O                         O

O                         O

O                         O

O                         O

I was fascinated by what he was saying. He explained that when he would come in at night, naturally he would not be able to see in order to navigate steering his boat into the port safely, without damaging it. So the lights on the pilings were crucial in order to pull in safely to dock. He then went on to use this example to explain his analogy of how to hear God’s voice.

Each of the above lights were labeled with some specific things:

O                        O - God speaks through His Word

O                        O - God speaks through Prayer

O                        O - God speaks through His People

O                        O - God speaks through Circumstances

Here is a practical example of how I used this in order to discern God’s voice in my own life. Back in the mid 90's, I had just completed my Bachelor’s in Youth Ministry from Eastern University, then Eastern College. :) My Youth Ministry professors told me I should go back to grad school to get my Masters in Counseling. I said I didn’t think so but would pray about it. They apparently were discerning something God was saying about my life, but I sure was not seeing it! I honestly thought, “There is no way I’m heading back to school, nor do I have any money to do something like that!” Well, I prayed, “God, if this is what You want, then You better help me find out about this counseling thing!” I was in the Bridgeton Bible Book Store, which is now gone, and Miss Tammy Vaughn was in there. I had no idea who she was, but she hollered across the store to me, recognizing me from Eastern. She was a counseling student at Eastern and proceeded to tell me about the program. I couldn’t believe that God did this!

So as the events began to unfold, reading scripture, praying, circumstances, His people. All my lights were lining up. So, I went to the Eastern College parking lot with the Grad School Counseling Program application in my hand. I prayed, “God, if I am NOT supposed to do this, CLOSE the door. If I am supposed to do this, let me get in with flying colors.” That was my actual prayer. I soon received a letter saying I was welcomed into their program. I then discerned that I was “pulling my boat safely into port because my lights did indeed line up.”

That was the start of God revealing one of my greatest passions in serving Him. I am so thankful for God’s voice. I would be lost without Him. Truth and Light counseling was born three years later. Amen

We Have Enough

Our Spring Break this year was really different. We didn’t visit Cancun. We didn’t spend our time washing our windows or doing other spring cleaning tasks. Our family of four moved into our yucky, dirty garage for the week.

We did it to try to experience a tiny bit of what it would be like to live below the worldwide poverty line...where people live on less than $1.50 a day per adult for food. We modeled our living situation after places my husband had visited in Central America in college. All four of us slept in the same bed, we ate rice and beans each meal, we cooked outside, and we walked anywhere we had to go. We each had two sets of clothes and we didn’t have any toys for the girls besides little sticks and rocks we found outside.

We spent some time blogging about our experiences. Mid-week, we had to come sleep inside one evening because the temperatures dipped into the 30’s. Here’s what happened in our house that evening when we ‘re-entered’ our regular living situation:

“Two nights ago we came inside our (regular) house and out of our garage house for a little while. Of course, our girls practically jumped on all their toys and started playing, playing, playing.

But it wasn't long before Bethany had a little doll in her hand that Ava wanted.

And Ava asked her if she could have the doll. And Bethany said 'No.'

I told Ava to go look for other toys that she could play with instead. Her response to me was: "I don't want any other toy. I don't really like any of the toys in this house except that doll."

Well, you can imagine how I, being tired and cold and deprived of regular middle-class comforts, would respond to such a comment.

I said, "Well, then, Ava, maybe I should just PUT ALL YOUR TOYS AWAY THEN. Maybe you shouldn't have ANY TOYS AT ALL if you don't like them," in a rather rude voice. But I was just so mad that 10 minutes inside our house could SO EASILY make her forget what we had been living outside and cause her to say something so entitled and ungrateful. I was upset.

The moment passed and she found some other toys after asking me to please not put her toys away.

I didn't really feel so good about our encounter, so later on, after I had cooled down, I brought her into my lap and I told her that it was really sad for me to hear her say that she didn't like any of the thousands of toys we have in our house. I told her it made me sad because we had been living outside in the garage with NO toys and SO MANY kids in the world have so much less than we do. We have 5 dollhouses and a Dora dollhouse and a hamper full of stuffed animals and crayons and sparkly markers and SO MUCH. And yet she thinks it's not enough because there is one thing she doesn't have.

Then I told her that Mommy is the same way. I have SO MANY clothes. A closet full. A closet STUFFED full. And I so often decide that I don't like ANY of my clothes and I must have new ones. I think that I have to have MORE because I don't have ENOUGH.

Sarah Howard

And that is really, really sad.

I told her we would work on it together, being happy with all the wonderful things that God has given us. That we would work on accepting that we have ENOUGH.”

Read more about our experiences at www.SoMuchHope.com/sow

Can We Enter God's Joy?

if you are like me, and many others in this world, we can often find excuses to not live joyfully or hope-full--much less enter what is known as the joy of God. Yes, God has joys and we are invited to enter those with Him. The Israelite King David put it this way: "You [God] make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." Today, I want to point you to a blog Ed Welch composed on this topic. It will be worth your time. I hope that God gives you grace to recognize the possibility of entering into His joys and to live a life motivated by them. To read the blog click here.

Sincerely,

Diego Cuartas