“It developed like a second language that I don’t understand. I believe I was praying perfectly. I know other people say they faked it, but I don’t feel like I did. I know it was real.” -anonymous, on speaking in tongues

(This quote is from a podcast called “This is Actually Happening”, from the episode “What if you used to speak in tongues?” If very strong language doesn’t bother you too much, I recommend listening to it - but not in front of the kids.)

Is it possible to have a fully authentic Christian experience, and walk away from it? Did someone who “loses” their faith, ever have it to begin with, or were they just faking it, or going through the motions? Having grown up in the Church, I have had the opportunity to meet some super-spiritual people, and watch some of those same super-spiritual people walk away from their faith. Either I am a terrible judge of character who grew up surrounded by adolescent and teenage scammers, or something else is happening. I have known people who seemed to have it all together, and decided that Christianity wasn’t for them.

The speaker in “What if you used to speak in tongues?” recounts her experience in a charismatic church setting, with tongue-speaking, faith healing, and being slain in the spirit, but at its core it is not much different that the church I grew up in, or that I see my kids growing up in. We, as parents and CM leaders, want to provide opportunities for authentic God experiences, which is fantastic. But the young person in “What if…” seems to have had that. She believes her experience was real, authentic, and valuable. So why is her story called “used to” speak in tongues? Because she gave up on religion. If you listen to her story, it boils down to the fact that she was hurt by the church, and all of her very real and meaningful experiences weren’t enough for her.

I have witnessed this trajectory before, and I don’t know if the modern church has a valid strategy for preventing it in the future. Statically speaking, one of my own kids or their friends, having experienced God, will decide that staying in the church is either more painful than leaving, or simply lacks enough meaning to them.

So what are we supposed to do? First, we need to understand that people change. I have a friend who’s beliefs are not far from mine, but he can’t see them fitting into the narrow box of his idea of Christianity. He can’t get past all of the prerequisites (including the need to speak in tongues) that he grew up with, so he feels that he has no place in the church. We are all at different places, and accepting people on the journey without judgement is important. Church is not an exclusive club for people who meet the requirements.

We can also recognize that young people leave the church because their faith isn’t personally meaningful to them. They have the faith of their parents, who made them attend church and have God experiences, but it never became their own, first-hand faith. Maybe their friends went to church, but if their faith is not their own, they will likely see no reason to remain in the church, when there is no requirement or pressure to do so.

So, is authenticity enough? Sometimes. But no amount of striving on my part can create authenticity for someone else. And even when an authentic experience happens, there’s still no guarantee that it will outweigh all else. I suppose it’s truly a miracle when a person decides for themselves that, despite the potential for pain, an authentic relationship is worth pursuing, and holding on to.