Messy Conversations in Venice

We were in Venice.

And it was enchanting.

Completely enchanting. And magical.

We were off on 'Our One Last Adventure Before We Start Having Kids'...and we chose Europe as our destination.

So there we were, in magical Venice, wandering the moonlit streets together at night.

Let me say it again: it was enchanting. 

Well. Enchating to me, I should say.

Because when I looked over at my partner on this romantic stroll, he didn't look so enchanted. At least not by the moon and the narrow passageways and the water and the dreamy gondolas drifting by and the cozy little two-person restaurant tables.

The look on my husband Caleb's face was more in awe. In awe of the balance that the gondoliers were displaying by both paddling and standing...at the same time. 

We weren't holding hands. We weren't gazing into each other's eyes. We weren't slow dancing in the middle of the Pizzaza San Marco. Nope. I was standing there, feeling alone in the middle of this ultra-romantic setting, while my husband stood next to me, completely unaware of what I was feeling, while muttering under his breath, "How does he DO that?? I see that he keeps his feet there...and there...and I see that he only paddles on one side...it's like a forward-paddle and then a swirl motion with the paddle. How does he make the boat turn so easily?? I wonder if I could get a gondolier to give me a lesson...maybe I should ask one of them..." and so on and so forth. His eyes were certainly not on me. They were analyzing the wonders of the paddling gondolier-man.

And I was offended.

"How can you be so engrossed in those stupid gondoliers when this is our chance to be in love in Venice together?" I thought. 

And just when his attention to the gondolier began to fade, his eyes shifted to the violinist in the middle of the Square. And the analyzing and the muttering began afresh. "He moves his fingers so QUICKLY," I started hearing, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw his two hands come up and start imitating the violinist's movements.

At that point, I started to feel angry.

It's no fun at all to be angry about something and have to talk about it. Especially when you're on vacation and you're supposed to be having a wonderful time together. But I wasn't having a wonderful time anymore. I was angry, and disappointed, and even scared that we were falling out of love, because who can walk through the tiny streets of Venice and not look at each other? (Talk about jumping to a HUGE and irrational conclusion.)

So even though it was hard, right in the middle of our European vacation, I told Caleb about my fears and my feelings. It wasn't easy. It felt terrible. I felt like I was ruining our vacation by bringing it up. All my ideals of a romantic and perfect adventure were even farther away. I had to spell out how the combination of the moon and Venice and the canals felt so special and romantic for me, and admitting it made me feel silly and embarrassed. It felt like he should just know what I was feeling, what I was thinking, and how romance works. It felt so contrived to put words to what I would have wanted Caleb to do. 

Like I said, It wasn't an easy conversation. It was messy. I was crying and getting angry. Caleb was confused and maybe even a little bit hurt when I mimicked his air-violin-playing. I think I even yelled in frustration at one point.

But in the end, we came to such a good place. An intimate place. A place of knowing each other better.

I found out that just being together, just being side-by-side watching the gondoliers and the violinist together, felt special, and even romantic, for Caleb. Just having me by his side was enough for him. He felt like we were together and sharing the specialness of the place, very much in love. He didn't feel the least bit concerned for us, or our love, or our romance.

But he learned that romance is completely different for me. I need face-to-face, hand-in-hand, talking-together interactions for me to feel like we're together and sharing the specialness of the place, very much in love.

That day, we learned a little bit more about each other: what's significant for each of us and how we interact with romance. And years later in our relationship, I am SO THANKFUL for putting the time and energy and COURAGE into that talk. It has guided and helped us so many times since then. But if I had been unwilling to be vulnerable, unwilling to bare myself and my messy emotions, I probably would have harbored resentment (and not even a right conclusion) for a long time. I would have concluded that my husband is this non-romantic analyzing caveman who doesn't really even care about me at all, and that we're no longer in love anymore. Talk about a devastating conclusion!

But, instead, we grew in our intimacy and love through that difficult conversation.

Based on that conversation and many others like it, messy conversations and arguments where it feels like we'll never make it through, we end up coming out on the other side knowing and loving each other more. I have some suggestions for anyone else embarking on similar experiences in discussions.

  1. Husbands, if I could tell you anything, I'd tell you to listen. Listen to what your wife says, listen to the emotions behind it, listen to what she's not saying, listen to the fear behind her anger, listen to what she feels like she's losing. You'll probably want to defend yourself as soon as she starts talking, because she'll probably be angry, and in her anger, she might be messy and say messy things. But what she really needs is you just to stop defending yourself and why you did what you did, and just listen. She doesn't need you to argue. She needs you to love her by listening. 
  2. Husbands, one way you can do this is to try to draw out more of what she has 'inside' of her. So if she says one thing, ask her questions about that. Try to understand the depth of what she's saying. Try to hear more. Try to listen to what she feels under what she's saying. And when you think you understand what she's feeling deep inside, try to repeat it back to her: "What I hear you saying is that you feel _____ because _____." If she feels really listened to, really understood, you've already won half the battle. You're already like 3/4 of the way to greater intimacy and a good resolution.
  3. Wives, watch out for ideals! Like me, you might feel like talking about your messy emotions ruins the specialness of whatever you're doing, like a vacation or an anniversary or a date, but you saying how you really feel inside will most likely lead to a good place and not a bad place if you are both willing to keep talking it out. 
  4. And wives, try to remember that your conclusion about why your husband is doing what he's doing and your conclusion about the way that he is, is probably wrong. Yes, wrong. He's probably got more going on in his mind, and it's probably a lot harder and scarier to be the leader than you can imagine. He's probably got reasons for why he's doing what he's doing. He's not a jerk-monster through and through. He's a human with feelings...just like you. So give him the benefit of the doubt and ASK QUESTIONS about what he's doing instead of accusing him of your worst conclusions. Leave room in your mind for extra information that you don't know yet. Slow down and ask questions like, "What are you thinking when you ____?" and "What are you valuing when you do ____?"

Love needs intimacy to grow. And intimacy is all about knowing each other in the raw, real, nitty-gritty places of your emotions. We tend to think that love will grow as we pretend that everything is alright and we're always happy all the time, like if we just pretend something is true, it will be. But marriage doesn't work that way. Some of the best places in marriage can only be reached through the hard road of getting messy feelings out on the table. 

Seasons Change: A Letter

Dear brothers and sisters,

I wanted to write this blog as a letter to encourage you. In my coming and going I have enjoyed the cool evenings this past week as they seem to remind me that change is ahead. Fall will be coming soon. Although fall is my favorite season and a welcome change, with its coming are bigger changes and transitions that are not so thrilling to me. In fact, I hate transition. I don’t always mind change itself, but I loathe the getting there.

For example, my husband and I are expecting our second baby the first week of November. Whereas, I couldn’t be more thrilled to welcome another child into our family, the getting there, aka this pregnancy, has been very challenging. My body has seemed to boycott any kind of stability every step of the way, making hospital visits more common place this time around than I care for. I know that the end result of a healthy baby will be worth all of the suffering now, but this time of waiting and processing is really difficult. As I have experienced and continue to experience the tumults of transition in my own life, I have thought about all of you, and I wanted to tell you that YOU are seen.

I know that so many of you are going through major changes as well. Mother of school aged children, you are seen. Whether it be your first time or fifth time sending your precious cargo off for another school year while reminding yourself that God is with them even when you aren’t, your transition is important and God sees. Student getting ready to return to school, perhaps nervous/excited about the new possibilities this year, God is with you and He sees. New parents whose child still may not be sleeping through the night, the transition to sleepless nights is tough, but there is grace for you and God sees. To the grieving adjusting to life without a loved one, transition to life minus one may feel raw and unnatural but God is at hand. He knows and He sees. Whether it is transitions at work, in family, stage of life or service to the Lord as you walk on mission with Him, your sacrifices, emotions and thoughts both joyful and difficult are important.

God is at hand. I’m glad that He doesn’t just wait for us to “make it to the other side” but that He really is closer than an arms length away. In Lamentations 3:22-23, I am reminded in times of uncertainty or change that, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed for his compassions never fail. They are new EVERY morning; great is your faithfulness.” I also love that He says in Malachi 3:6 about Himself that, “I the Lord DO NOT change...” In every season of my soul, He remains the same. These past weeks I have been encouraged again by this simple truth. Our God is a steady anchor when everything else is shifting. May you be encouraged knowing that you are seen by your sister who is impacted by your lives and faithfulness, and you are seen by a God who is close and filled with compassion for you. May God’s peace guard your hearts and minds as you continue to walk with Him.

Blessings,

Sophia

 

The True Value of Worship, Part 3

In the Old Testament, the first line of warriors that led out in the battle were the musicians and singers. This picture illustrates the huge priority of learning to be a worshiper of God, in whatever circumstance you find yourself- wonderful or desperately hard. 

This video clip is one of my favorite worship leaders, Darlene Zschech, teaching about this very topic. Be blessed friends!

Lois

The Supremacy of Christ

(By Thor Knutstad)

If you ever wanted a thousand reasons why our LORD is completely Supreme over ALL things in heaven and on earth, watch and listen to this animated video as John Piper proclaims this supremacy with sound doctrine, with profound but simple reason, and with uninhibited passionate expression.  This Supreme God and LORD IS completely trustworthy with all things, in all things, and in all situations.  Watch and listen to this message - these words could impact your heart and actually transform your perception of the Supreme Christ Jesus -- it's 18 minutes in length but you will not be unchanged by it's Relevant, and Timely, and Supreme Message.  May this bless you as it has me - and many others.

http://youtu.be/VeKgfUGtcI0 

Golden Calves

     Last May I turned eighty-four! Wow! But I’m nowhere near matching my Mom. She died just 12 years ago at the lovely age of one hundred two, with a totally clear mind and much annoyance that her body was not keeping up!  The things that she could tell about having seen the birth of so much technology were fascinating. 

     But she was not able to tell us about the most wonderful thing she saw. She loved the Lord, and just as she was actually dying, in her own bed, in her own house, smiling, she kept saying, “Oh my …… Oh my ……. Oh my…..!” And then she was gone. Isn’t that absolutely beautiful? Isn’t that a wonderful thing to expect at the end of our lives? Usually when we are anticipating something nice, we say, “I can’t wait!” Well, scratch that; I can wait! But I certainly have no fear.

     One true advantage of being older, as anyone of us can tell you, is the development of the reassuring certainty that our God will see us through. Always. Perfectly. Pain is pain, and it hurts, and we hate it, but as we age we can see over and over how God was accomplishing good things through it, and other than drilling a hole in our skull and pouring the knowledge in there was no other way that we could grow, and learn, and most of all develop that perfect trust in God. 

     But it’s not automatic. Look at what God’s people did while Moses was up on the mountain getting the Ten Commandments. He was talking with GOD, for pity’s sake, but they decided Moses had been gone too long so they built a gold calf, and they actually worshipped it! Before we sneer, we need to remember how many golden calves, how many of our own worldly solutions, we have tried to trust instead of trusting in God’s everlasting, never-failing love for us. Nothing, but nothing comes into our lives unless God allows it. And His purposes are always, always for our good. We have to choose.

     Hindsight is our teacher. Only by revisiting episodes in our past can we begin to see how God has refined us, often dragging us kicking and screaming, into a closer image of himself. And hopefully, as we age, and experience more and more, with the help of the Holy Spirit we will develop a deeper understanding of our need for God, and how he is always working for our good, only for our good. ALWAYS.

Norma Stockton

Not Just a Mood

My doctor’s words were the final blow.

“You need to see a psychiatrist. Things have gotten serious. Time for a specialist.”

I knew deep down that’s what he was going to say, but I still flinched to hear it. I nodded a reluctant ok at him, tears streaming down my face, words escaping my frazzled brain yet again.

There was a monster eating my mind. That's how it felt, day by day, losing my memory, my ability to sleep, my enjoyment of…anything. Things I loved--reading, gardening, teaching, cooking, baking--were all impossible to like. I used to devour books, and now I was lucky to read a chapter at a time before staring off into space, lost in churning thoughts and feelings that life was hopeless. I couldn't focus on much but the relentless daily conviction that everything was worthless and would never get any better. I was barely making it, going to work only to come home and go to bed, waiting for the day to pass and hoping that I would be able to survive tomorrow.

I finally by the grace of God saw my doctor and heard the words I needed to hear. I was recommended to a fantastic specialist who has guided me through some pretty intense treatment for clinical depression. The process is ongoing, recovery not an “easy fix” in the least.

I've learned a lot about severe depression and other mental illnesses like anxiety disorders and post-traumatic stress disorder. I had always been prone to low self-esteem and anxious thoughts, but the last several years of my life have taught me how debilitating these can become as they grow in intensity. My mom’s declining health and subsequent death were the major events that precipitated my illness, but other events in my life at work and home definitely contributed as well.

Here are a few truths I've learned about depression and mental illness during my battle…things I wish I had known before it hit:

·      It is a real illness, like diabetes or cancer. It is not a moral or spiritual weakness that requires you to “try harder” to “snap out of it.” It requires professional treatment.

·      Having a mental illness does not mean you are weak, selfish, and useless. God can use your pain. This experience has made me more empathetic, less judgmental, and more sensitive to hurting people in a hurting world. I never would have seen the good that could come from this if I had not gone and gotten the care I needed.

·      Family and friends suffer, too. They want to help but are often at a loss as to how they can. It isn't that they don't care; they do.

·      There is no shame in getting proper care. This may include medication, talk therapy, and other methods. For me, it required three different types of treatment to lift the dark cloud of depression. Many people resist medication, thinking that it's a sign of weakness. It's not.

In conclusion, as a depressed Christian, I have learned that I am still a beloved child of God. In the midst of tremendous pain, He preserved my life and led me to healing places. If you are in a bad place like I was, you are not alone, and there is hope.

A Quick Tip on Prayer

As I sat down at my keyboard to type up my blog this week, two thoughts persisted in my mind. First, I thought a second bowl of Frosted Flakes was probably a bit overkill, but still an acceptable decision. (Hey, it was the morning. I don't plan these things, they just happen.) Second, I had a hard time thinking of anything that I could write or say better than Oswald Chambers said last week.

For the uninitiated, Oswald Chambers was an evangelist who is best known for his daily devotional "My Utmost for His Highest." I try to read it every day if I can. The wording is sometimes a little out of style, but it's still as relevant today as ever in history. It's incredibly readable and worth your time if you've never checked it out.

I came across this entry last week. It reads like a few quick tips on how and why to pray, like a sort of devotional Buzzfeed article. Prayer is one of those subjects that can feel utterly impossible to ever wrap your arms around, but Chambers writes succinctly enough that it makes sense without having to read an entire treatise. A former teacher and evangelist, he's a great coach to study on the practical aspects of the spiritual life.

Don't take my word for it. Check it out.


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August 6th - The Cross in Prayer

"At that day ye shall ask in My name."
      -John 16:26.

We are too much given to thinking of the Cross as something we have to get through; we get through it only in order to get into it. The Cross stands for one thing only for us—a complete and entire and absolute identification with the Lord Jesus Christ, and there is nothing in which this identification is realized more than in prayer.

“Your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.” Then why ask? The idea of prayer is not in order to get answers from God; prayer is perfect and complete oneness with God. If we pray because we want answers, we will get huffed with God. The answers come every time, but not always in the way we expect, and our spiritual huff shows a refusal to identify ourselves with Our Lord in prayer. We are not here to prove God answers prayer; we are here to be living monuments of God’s grace.

“I say not that I will pray the Father for you: for the Father Himself loveth you.” Have you reached such an intimacy with God that the Lord Jesus Christ’s life of prayer is the only explanation of your life of prayer? Has Our Lord’s vicarious life become your vital life? “At that day” you will be so identified with Jesus that there will be no distinction.

When prayer seems to be unanswered, beware of trying to fix the blame on someone else. That is always a snare of Satan. You will find there is a reason which is a deep instruction to you, not to anyone else.

What Can Help You Get Ready To Have the Difficult Conversation about End-of-Life Care?

So, according to the founders of the Conversation Project, the facts speaks for themselves about how much help we need help in terms of getting ready to have the difficult conversation about end-of-life wishes. Here are some of those facts:

90% of people say that talking with their loved ones about end-of-life care is important…27% have actually done so.

80% of the people say that if seriously ill they would want to talk to their doctor about end-of-life care…7% report having an end-of-life conversation with their doctor.

The Conversation Project provides tools (in English and Spanish) to help you take steps that prepare you to have the conversation that is essential to express your future wishes. To access these free tools visit http://theconversationproject.org

I recommend it.

Sincerely,

Diego Cuartas

Stray Dog Freedom

How free do you feel?  We live in the good ol' USA, the “land of the free.”  We have constitutional freedoms.  We talk about being debt free, worry free, free from temptation, free to be me, free to live my life.  We like free stuff - a free lunch, a free ride, free samples, free range chicken.  Some free stuff we don’t like - freeloaders, free advice, free-form poetry (well, I don’t like it).  But how free are we really?  Talk to an Anarchist, and they will say we are not free in the least, but we are held down by the restraints of the law.  Ask a 13 year old, and they will tell you that they aren’t free because of their repressive parents always telling them what they can’t do.  I doubt that anyone wants, REALLY wants, absolute freedom.  Freedom from authority, government, society, parents, or God.  For example, people complain about taxes - “It’s my money and I should be FREE to do what I want with it!” they might say - but they enjoy the paved roads they drive on, and the protection of the police and fire services, and they benefit, either directly or indirectly, from the hospitals and schools that their taxes pay for.  Some people who think they want absolute freedom probably still want some rules for, say, driving (stop signs, traffic signals, everyone driving on the right side of the road).

People often struggle to be free from the very things that keep them safe and happy.  Since the beginning of human existence, we see this play out time and time again.  My sons, each in their own way, express their desire for freedom.  They might have money, but I won’t let them spend it on things that I know they don’t really want (or won't want in 10 minutes).  As parents, we balance the giving of freedom with ability to make good decisions, which, in reality, is not true freedom.  But do any of us have true freedom?  We are bound to earth, we are not free from gravity.  We need to eat, we are not free from our need for sustenance.  None of us will live forever, we are not free from aging or physical death. 

Still, we struggle to be free from God.  Free from the rules that we perceive he has bound us with.  Free from the obligation to acknowledge him as our provider.  But, like a stray dog, freedom from our protector and provider comes at a steep price.  This recently found freedom affords us hunger and thirst, fear and vulnerability.  We trade the external restraints for internal restraints.  Under authority, we have the freedom that the authority provides.  God offers us true freedom, but only inside his kingdom.  Similarly, my own children, under my authority, have the freedom to be kids, and grow up in a safe environment.  

So, how free do you feel?  I’ve met some people who are free from authority, but do not experience any freedom.  We can kick against reality, but that does not make it any less true.  The truth is that the only thing preventing us from experiencing the freedom that Jesus offered - God’s kingdom of love, peace, well-being and contentment - is our misplaced desire for this stray dog freedom.  In reality, we choose on a moment-by-moment basis, whether or not to live in peace.  It’s not a matter of choosing freedom over authority, it’s a matter of what kind of freedom you desire.

When I Don't Have a Buddy

My daughter Ava recently had an experience that made me feel so sad for her: she felt left out.

I wasn't expecting her to feel left out when she did; in fact, I was actually expecting her to be having the time of life when it happened. But the circumstances just aligned for her to experience that terrible feeling of not knowing where she fit in and feeling all alone among friends. 

And I felt so sad about it. I think I felt more sad than was appropriate because I myself know the pain of feeling left out, feeling like no one is interested in talking to you or being with you. And I would wish that she would never, ever feel that feeling in her entire life. I'd want her to always feel confident and happy with herself, ready to offer the wonder of who she is with anyone she's with. But unfortunately, that obviously can't be the case.

So there she was, feeling left out. Her dad started talking to her, and it felt like the lesson he was giving her was a treasure, something that all women should hear and live out. So I'll share it here.

He said to her, when you feel left out, Ava, you should:

  • First of all, be happy for the friends around you who have a 'buddy' that they're hanging out with. Your natural tendency will be to want what they have so that you can feel settled, so that you can know your place. You might feel angry at them for having what you don't have. Or you might feel mean towards them because they have what you want, and they're not having it with you. But instead, be happy for them! Be happy they have a friend! You can be happy for someone else when something good is happening to them!
  • Second, tell Jesus how you feel. Tell Him you feel sad that you don't have a 'buddy.' Tell Him you don't quite know where to go or what to do or who to be with.
  • Jesus will probably first remind you of His love. He'll probably want to settle you in His happiness with you...and He'll want to remind you that your lack of a 'buddy' doesn't mean you're unloved or there's something wrong with you. He'll want to remind you that He made you and He's with you, and you are safe in His love.
  • Then He might want you to open up your eyes and look around. He might want you to end up thinking about someone else who doesn't have a 'buddy.' He might want you to care about someone you wouldn't normally have noticed. He might want to help you to talk with someone else. He might have different plans than you do, and you might not have been able to see what He wanted if you had had your usual 'buddy.'

It made both of us think as he talked, how many adults know this? How many of us know to not envy what someone else has, but to be happy for them? How many of us know to talk to Jesus about what we feel? How many of us root ourselves in the Lord's love? And how many of us lift our eyes to what the Holy Spirit wants to do, and follow His creative ways instead of being upset that things aren't working out the way we want them to?

So I wanted to share this little parenting moment in the hopes that you, as well, will be inspired along with our daughter.

Sarah blogs regularly, connect with her at www.somuchhope.com 

30 Days of Realigning My Hunger: Why I am Fasting Facebook and Pinterest

My 13 month old loves to greet everyone and everything by saying “Hi!” in an escalating tone until they turn and acknowledge her. It usually makes them feel uncomfortable, and I laugh at the awkward exchange. However, on a daily basis, the word “some” comes in a close second for her most used word of the day.  Sometimes it means she wants more of whatever she is eating or that she wants to touch something that she probably shouldn’t, but more often than not it means “I want what you have.” She will take turns asking everyone for some of what they are eating, even if she doesn’t really want it or even if she has just demanded to get down from her highchair because she is “all done” with her food. 

As we as a church are now 10 days into the fast for the Millville church plant, it has taken me up until yesterday to decide how I wanted to participate. What was I going to fast and why? We were encouraged to identify what we turn to for our sense of satisfaction other than God. I scratched out the traditional, food, because I am on a strict diet with my second pregnancy. I initially decided against any type of media fast, having been convinced that I really spent little time using it; but alas, it turned out to be media anyway, specifically my use of Facebook and Pinterest.

I’m not going to go on a tirade of why I think either of these sites is bad because I don’t think they are. However, I feel like the Lord revealed to me a little of my own heart in how I use them at times. Pinterest, although it can be used to organize ideas and inspire creativity, can also, just like good circulars and magazines, be used to cultivate desire. After surfing through all of the endless possibilities for creativity, I find myself desiring to make, wear or be a part of whatever comes across my page that day. All of a sudden, I NEED to eat sriracha shrimp and wear bohemian pants while making a beautiful summer dessert in my perfect outdoor kitchen. I picture my reaction to the plethora of the ideal and the beautiful displayed in creative recipes and tasteful style to be much like my daughter’s. “Some, Some! I must have some.” A type of hunger has been created.

Now, I feel sort of intimidated after having been drawn into a picture perfect moment all the while knowing that it’s just that. It is PICTURE perfect and maybe not that realistic or practical. So… naturally I next go to Facebook. I try to keep up on the “news” in distant friends’ lives, but the longer I’m on the more I feel drawn into a comparison game where my sense of worth and identity then comes from how I stand in comparison to other people. “Are my pictures of my family editorial enough? No? Well neither are so and so’s. Ok I’m fine.” Therefore, Pinterest worthy moments can tend to become my aspiration and Facebook my affirmation of how close I am to that ideal and therefore how well I am doing. As long as my search ends favorably then I’m “satisfied.” Uh oh! If God is good, then I don’t need to look for my satisfaction elsewhere. Oops! How often do I give the better parts of my day and thinking to things that are far less worthy and unable to ultimately satisfy? Well that’s convicting.

During these 30 days, I am choosing to ask God to realign my hunger. I need Him to increase my appetite for His voice and perspective versus my desire for cheap substitutes. I am choosing to break from my sense of ideal, perfect or even good and asking God to give me more of His perspective as I create more space to be still. May He reveal His heart to me in even greater ways concerning myself and my worth, my family and the city of Millville. 10 days late, but I am jumping in. If you haven’t already done so, I encourage you to do the same. I am looking forward to what He has to say to me and you. 

Is God Free to Do What He Pleases?

What can we learn from God? Particularly, what can we learn about His freedom of choice? I am thinking of the freedom God exercises to act in one way toward someone, or a group, and the freedom to act differently toward another. You may be thinking this is contradictory, but I want to emphasize that this is true. Throughout history, as recorded in the Bible, we see instances that reveal God choosing freely to act favorably toward a group of people while giving others a less favorable treatment--and that is putting it mildly. I was drawn today to Psalm 44, where we find a recounting of what Israel's forefathers have passed down to other generations. In the beginning of this chapter, we find the following recounting of how God acted in the past. And though the latter part of the chapter clearly shows that Israel is now in distress looking for God's help, what they have as a backdrop for their trust is the favorable acts they have experienced from God in the past.

Here we observe a contrast between God driving out some while planting or establishing others, afflicting some while setting others free; we also see God saving or granting victory to a group of people He chose. He also made evident the fact that their sword did not save them from their enemies. This passage emphasizes four other things that characterize God's actions toward them:

God, we have heard with our ears,

    our fathers have told us,

what deeds you performed in their days,

    in the days of old:

2 you with your own hand drove out the nations,

    but them you planted;

you afflicted the peoples,

    but them you set free;

3 for not by their own sword did they win the land,

    nor did their own arm save them,    

but your right hand and your arm,

    and the light of your face,

    for you delighted in them.

4 You are my King, O God;

    ordain salvation for Jacob!

5 Through you we push down our foes;

    through your name we tread down those who rise up against us.

6 For not in my bow do I trust,

    nor can my sword save me.

7 But you have saved us from our foes

    and have put to shame those who hate us.

8 In God we have boasted continually

    and we will give thanks to your name forever. Selah

God used His right hand, His arm, the light of His face, and His capacity to delight on a group of people to act favorably toward them. This stands in contrast to the way He acted toward others.

It is my view point that there is one thing that should cause us, human beings, to tremble before God and be in awe of Him: His freedom of choice. This reality of God is sobering. It obviously can raise the question: what kind of God is this who acts toward some in one way and toward others in another? Is He a fair God? Is that loving on His part? These are good questions, and they need to be addressed in the larger context of who God is and His larger purposes for humanity. A poor comparison, but perhaps a helpful one, is the earthly father who gives one of his children something but withholds the same thing from another of his children. There are many factors that inform that choice, and we would be mistaken to judge or assess the goodness of this father just based on one action that may seem partial or not equal.

Here is one thing that considering God’s freedom of choice has done for me: it makes me appreciate with the right kind of fear, the fact that I have been favored by God. I don't know about you, but I have come to a place in my life where the predominant belief of my life is that God is FOR ME. I don't have to wonder if that is the case or not. His grace abounds before me, behind me and around me, every day I exist. Psalm 23 is a reminder of this. I did not always see or experienced this personally; it is only by God's grace that I do today.

God's freedom of choice magnifies for us the grace we receive in light of what others don't receive or experience. This is a mystery, especially when we consider that there is a general grace that He dispenses over both the good and the wicked. He, according to the Gospel of Matthew, causes the sun to rise over good and evil and also sends the rain over both (Matthew 5:45).

How are you seeing God act favorably toward you?

Sharpen Your Affections With Fasting

This week I want to recommend this short article written by David Mathis for the Desiringgod blog. Last Sunday we began a 40 day fast at our church, and I think this article comes in handy in rethinking the value fasting can have in our lives. Mathis proposes that “...if we are awakened to see fasting for the joy it can bring, as a special means of God’s grace to strengthen and sharpen Godward affections, then we might find ourselves holding a powerful new tool for enriching our enjoyment of Jesus."

- Diego Cuartas

Who’s Running This Place, Anyway??

It seems everyone is excited about SOMETHING lately: racism, Confederate flags, President Obama, gay marriage, the Supreme Court, or some combination of all of the above. I have never seen so much emotion on social media as I have seen over the past few weeks.

Of course, everyone has strong opinions on these issues. We would not be human if we didn’t! God has granted us the abilities to think and reason, and we should be using these gifts to learn and grow and formulate thoughts on the world around us. There is certainly nothing wrong or sinful about holding opinions on what is happening in the world.

However, how many of us forget the so-called “Big Picture” when we rail against the practices and thoughts of today’s world? As Christians, we are called to view everything through the lens of God Himself. Everything. Not what we like or agree with…all of it. This is tough territory, because differences in Scriptural interpretations often leave believers divided on how we think God sees a belief or practice. Roman Catholic or Protestant, Baptist or Episcopalian, Fundamentalist or Reformed: we all think that we have the “right” interpretation of God’s Word and its commands. So what is the “Big Picture” that we need to remember?

I think that Christians of all stripes need to remember one central Truth when we are faced with a confusing and tumultuous world:

                  For He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. - I John 4:4b (ESV)

That isn’t a qualified statement. It is absolute. God IS greater than he who is in the world. There are no exceptions. This means that God is greater, all the time, in all circumstances.

How tough is this to believe? I look at my own little world and find myself arguing with God often about how “poorly” I think He is handling things, or I convince myself that my life is “terrible” because God wants me to suffer. I KNOW these thoughts aren’t accurate to the God of the Bible, but that sure does not stop me from complaining when the going gets rough! It is awfully hard to maintain a perspective that God is in charge of everything when it doesn’t seem that life is going “my way.”

And I think a lot of us do the same thing with the state of the nation or the world. Some want a return to the “good old days” and what that represented as far as faith and morality in the United States. Others want a world where everyone is treated equally and fairly regardless of race or any other personal characteristic and don’t see that vision happening. We see a world that may be changing into something that does not represent what we believe, and we tend to lose sight of the fact that God is the same today as He ever was. He is still the One who is greater than he who is in the world. We may not know why “things” are the way they are, but we can rest assured that God is in charge and has not lost control.

I don’t think this means that we should stand by and do nothing about injustice in our world. God’s command to love our neighbor is also clear and absolute. There is no way we can show love and not help the persecuted or afflicted. But I do think that we do not need to fear our world. An all knowing, all loving God is “running this place” and will win out over sin, shame, and injustice.

The Music vs. The Noise

I love writing in a busy place. I can't figure out why exactly, but I think it has something to do with the way it makes me feel invisible. Like right now, I'm sitting in Starbucks at my favorite table, typing away with my headphones on. In the last hour, probably twenty or thirty people have walked in, ordered their coffee, chatted with a friend, and walked out without ever acknowledging I’m here. It's like I'm hiding out in plain sight. It's a weirdly safe feeling, but something about it keeps me dialed in to my writing. It's like background noise, only it's visual noise rather than audible.

I've been thinking quite a bit about noise this morning. Most often, when we think of noise, we are thinking of unorganized, audible sounds, like pots clanking together or anything by Nickelback. The operative word here is unorganized. Random pots clanking produces a purposeless, meaningless sound. It's something that ultimately doesn't mean anything. In a word, it's forgettable. 

Now contrast this with a symphony. A symphony also involves banging things together, but it's organized and moves to a very specific tempo. It's purposeful sound, sound in a direction. Symphonies impact people; noise is easily ignored. Nobody gets moved to tears listening to their dishwasher.

This principle applies to more than just music. When you take stock of everything that makes up your life today, which does it resemble more, a symphony or noise? What's your direction, your aim? What are you trying to say? If your life was a song, would people have it on their iPod? Would anyone say it meant something to them?

Far too often, we clutter our lives with things that don't matter. We lose sight of the big picture and make decisions that play out like a poorly timed guitar solo that makes you cringe. If you feel like your life doesn't make sense, take a look at the way you spend your time, your money, and your resources. Want to know what you value most? There's your answer. What you value is expressed by what you love. And when we lose sight of what our lives ought to be about, things begin to get out of order, confusing. Disordered loves never produce beautiful lives, just as disordered sounds never produce beautiful songs.

Living a life that amounts to more than cluttered noise is a lot like writing a song. It takes intentionality and passion. Certain rules and boundaries apply. You need more than just a few good instruments; you need to find a way to make those instruments work in harmony with each other. Ultimately, it's about saying something that counts, something that makes a difference because it exists. It's about making something beautiful.

90 Days of Myths and Lies, Pt.1

(By Thor Knutstad)

Days 1-31 (part one of three)

1. The self love and self esteem movement is completely biblical. (No, it's not, not at all. It is not commanded nor inferred as choice or volition. Identity is the biblical trade off here. Real. Identity. In Christ.).

2.  Showing off our good works and what we give or do for others is okay. (No, it's not. In fact, we are told not to do this with the motive of display and that announcing it loses reward - yeah, gotcha! Hard, I know! Watch your FB feed for this one - a grievous sin missed by many and all!).

3.  We can't have deep joy and heart wrenching sadness simultaneously. (Yes, we can. See Proverbs 14:10, then think practically).

4.  Men and women are essentially the same in function. (No, in essence of nature they are similar, but not in function. The distinctions are vast by God's very complimentary and useful design in creation - praise Him).

5.  Authority should be replaced by opinions (Um, no).  Age is hated and grey hair isn't esteemed (No, wait?!).

6.  The rewards of saying 'yes' are countless and saying 'no' is never painful. (Um, are any of you raising kids? Yeah, I thought so; let your ‘yes’ BE ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ BE ‘no’).

7.  People should understand what I explain to them. (Don't be fooled by this; there will be misunderstanding and misunderstood and incomprehensible and 'not caught' moments - often!).

8.  Shame and guilt are good motivators of right behaviors. (Far be it from me to judge how God sometimes uses this but it is not the 'best' motivating factors for repentance).

9.  It is okay to fear people and situations because everybody worries and has some anxiety, and its normal and popular. (It's destroying our hearts, people - stop being so afraid of stuff!  In your fear, like King David, cry out to The LORD - and don't walk in fear! See 1 Peter 3:6 and know that you are Sarah's daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. Don't. Give. Way. To. Fear).

10.  Worship is about music and what I see/hear/taste/touch/experience. (Worship is about the position of your heart to bow before a worthy, praised and glorious God - yes sometimes in music and song, but it is the posture of my heart).

11. The prosperity gospel of health and wealth really isn't harmful to the real Gospel of Jesus. (See 1 Corinthians chapter 15 - um, yes, it is!  Do not be deceived, people. Be Bereans and check the Scriptures to see if what others are saying is true or not - Acts 17).

12.  I can abuse some freedoms that God gives me because they don't master me, and He will always forgive me. (Whoa! Don't be a stumbling block, and grace doesn't increase more when you sin like that!! And freedom isn't ever a license!).

13.  It's okay to live on television, cell phones, game systems, tablets, the Internet/web, laptops, computers etc. (‘Nuff said, no words here. All guilty on some level).

14.  Electronics and the Internet shrink the world and keep me connected in a community abroad. (No, they don’t; they feign intimacy and interfere in what is real and close and near you).

15.  I know what's going on in the world because I read it in a newspaper, saw it on a major news channel, or on FB. (No, you don’t, not really. How informed you perceive yourself may make you more blind).

16.  FB is relationships.  FB is not an addiction.  (FB is NOT relationships and FB is an "alarming" new time addiction for the current culture).

17.  The lament of sorrow is a display of weakness.  Tears are even weaker. (#realmenfeelandcryasdowomen. We are commanded by Jesus to grieve with others and go to houses of mourning not to parties - wow!).

18.  All pastors and preachers and spiritual leaders know the Bible and have the intended heart of God to shepherd people and speak truth. (Actually, there are fewer speaking the WHOLE counsel of God and really doing justice to the heart of the Gospel - praise God, the Word is spoken and proclaimed here).

19.  I don't feel things when I read the Bible like I do my favorites stories, novels and shows. (Have you really embraced the Savior?  Is your heart in a position of worship when you read or listen?  #softheartshaveeyestoseeandearstohear)

20.  It's okay to eat out 4-5x's a week, be given a plethora of food choice and be served. (Hmm - the Son of Man came to serve - what are we teaching our kids?! Ouch!!).

21.  The immorality of others doesn't affect me. (what a lie!).  Or my own immorality doesn't affect others (a even bigger lie yet!).

22.  My children aren't curiously using social media wrongly in text, pictures, videos; nor have they viewed or sent anything that is not appropriate. (Yes, they are and have and are tempted, often, daily).

23.  My anxieties and worries and fears aren't really 'sin.'  (Yes, usually they are - for the most part).

24.  Everybody is busier than me so it's okay for me to have small or no margins in my schedule (X!! Wrong! Margin and rest are necessary!).

25.  I don't have to cry out to the LORD to experience His presence, fuller dependence or His deeper purposes. (Hmmmm).

26.  Fear is a stronghold that is nearly impossible to beat. (No, no, no!  Greater is HE our King Jesus!).

27.  The Gospel shouldn't ever offend people. (Um, what Bible version are you actually reading? Are we ashamed of Jesus?!).

28.  My words aren't REALLY 'that' important.  What's all this talk about "stewarding words" with timely and apt and wise replies?  That's just too hard to do all the time! (Steward/manage your words folks; it's how you guard your own heart, too).

29.  My body image and appearance of physical health is tangibly more important than the spiritual and the heart. (Oh my gosh, we have traded the heart for the flesh. See Galatians 5-6 - why would we live this death and not want to live life?!).

30.  What's all this talk about ambiguity and complexities? Most situations are easily solved, and most problems we face can be terminated/eradicated with simple solutions. (Wow! Problems and struggles and lives are actually very complex, AND ambiguity is actually healthy as it guides us toward a raised shield of required faith!).

31. BONUS - I like all the noise and commotion around me.  It's normal and keeps my mind occupied from other worries and sadnesses and thoughts. (Why do we run from silence, solitude and simplicity?!)

 

Thor Knutstad