The Heart Of Approval

(By Thor Knutstad)

Sometimes we so desperately need each other's approval.  Unfortunately, fear and worry are so connected to how much we crave approval and how much we hate failure.  Whatever you think you need will always control you.  If you need love and acceptance and approval from others, they hold the keys to something very valuable to you.  You will live in fear that they might not deliver.  You will fear those who are the gatekeepers to the fulfillment of your needs.  This can control your heart, your conversations, your goals and even your relationships.

The opinions of other human beings are by far the scariest things on the planet.  Our formula for avoiding rejection deceives us into thinking that we can win the approval, the prestige or the love that we desire.  But God doesn't want us dominated by the opinions of other people.  His approval, by far, is all that we really need - and we have that in the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ.  You see, God the Father approves of the work His Son Jesus did - and that changed and changes everything.  God's approval reigns over me because of my Savior - not because of others and not because of my performance.  I can rest in this great truth. Praise Him.

Good Intentions Awareness

Last fall, during Breast Cancer Awareness Month, pink was all the rage.  Working in a school, I noticed several coordinated days where staff and students wore pink ribbons, bracelets, or other articles of clothing.  I wondered if the students knew why they were wearing pink, so I asked an 8th grade boy.  "It's for breast cancer," was his response.  Cancer awareness is a noble cause, but is awareness enough?  Is wearing pink really helping anything?   

Before you answer, consider this:  Giving money to cancer research and wearing pink both have the same effect on the person doing the action.  We feel good about ourselves, we feel like we have done our small part to help, and, more importantly, we feel absolved of any further responsibility, at lease until next year.  But doing something noble that costs us nothing, and doing something noble with some personal cost are not equal. 

I was talking with an old friend recently, whom I hadn't seen in quite a few years.  I knew from our limited Facebook interactions that he had been involved in a church plant a few years ago, and that he is now pastoring that church.  So, after the initial pleasantries of, "How is the family?" and "Where are you living now?" etc., I asked, "How is that church thing going?"  He responded that, about six weeks ago, they had taken around 30 members of his 3 year old, 175 member, church and planted a new church a few miles away.  My response of, "Oh, really?  Our church has been talking about planting new churches in our area for a little while now," was met with a polite smile.  It was the smile I give people when I tell them that I develop mobile apps, and they respond with, "Oh yeah? I was going to try doing that, but I never really got started." 

I know our church has a vision for planting churches, and just because I'm not "in the loop" on the latest church-plant news doesn't mean things are stagnant.  But in the time that I have been hearing about our future planting plans, my friend has planted, grown, and planted again.  It's easy to say that I think planting a new church is a great idea, but have I volunteered to go help start that church? Nope.  Having noble intentions that cost me nothing is not the same as doing something noble, and costly.  In fact, like cancer awareness pink day, feeling good about our intentions can be detrimental to our action. 

If this sounds like I'm being harsh or pointing a finger at others, let me let you in on a secret.  I do this all the time.  I drop my 15 cents change into the charity bucket at Wawa, and feel like I did something.  Did I make someone a meal?  No.  Did I show compassion or love to someone.  No.  I might watch a YouTube video about some crisis on the other side of the world, then post it to Facebook for all my friends to see.  I feel pretty good about it, but it didn't cost me anything.  I talk, talk, talk about social justice, but rarely do anything about it. 

So what's the point?  I think we need to be aware that good intentions are not the final goal.  Let's call this "Good Intentions Awareness Month."  In our feel-good society, it's easy to get the feeling of making a difference without making any difference at all.  We are called to be the salt of the earth, but if that salt intends to season the food, but never actually makes it into the recipe, what good is it?  Let's let our actions speak louder than our words, even if our words sound pretty good.

Jeff Hyson

Toxic People

Who are they, anyway? 

My son-in-law has a saying which could describe the relationship we might have with someone who is not very good for us. He says, “When you put your gloved hand in the mud, the mud doesn’t get glovier!” And that is about what happens. If you have grown children I’m sure you can remember a new friend who seemed to be a bad influence on your child, or maybe it was just a bad combination of the two of them. Maybe new words suddenly appeared, or lying, or candy bars when he had no money! Upsetting, to say the least! And we think, “My goodness, is he/she so weak that just anyone can drag him around?!” 

But it’s not a matter of weakness, or, more realistically, it’s a weakness we all have, child and adult alike. The difference with a child is that he has no wisdom to recognize poor choices; choosing his new friends himself is all new and exciting to him. And his character is pretty much unformed.

With adults, it’s pretty much the same process, except that we ought to know better. We know when our actions change with different folks. We know when we adjust, not for the better, to fit in with some people. Yes, we know when we are not obeying the scripture which tells us that “whatever you do, do to the glory of God.” And we surely can be expected to listen to the Holy Spirit and to make better choices. We need wisdom and discernment; if we lack wisdom, God has promised to give it to us, if we just ask Him.  And we need that wisdom. Satan knows exactly where our weaknesses are, and that’s where he will tempt us. We don’t need to work up the strength ourselves to resist temptation. God’s strength is manifested in our weakness. He says so. Ask Him.

On the other hand, if you worked on the genogram a couple of weeks ago, you may have had to recognize and name a different kind of toxicity ----- the kind that has the power to damage us  and change us in situations we were never prepared to face. There may be ones who have the power to hurt us so badly that we have to separate ourselves from them for good. And with some of them, that solution is not completely possible.

My parents are both dead, so I can tell you a little about my story. My father had a very disruptive childhood. He was an orphan, and was adopted by a young Methodist pastor and his wife, who soon after both died in the flu epidemic in the early nineteen hundreds. There was some money, so for the rest of his childhood he was in court-supervised foster care, and who knows what happened to him there. We think he had no example of a good father as a child; certainly as an adult he was not a loving father. He gyrated from anger and suspicion to over-indulgence, and we never knew which it would be. He did not know how to love, except in one way: when I was grown and married and had two pre-teen daughters I discovered that he liked to kiss little girls. 

I have no idea when my mother discovered this charming pass-time --- surely much earlier ---  but she was very good at keeping her head in the sand like the proverbial ostrich when it was something she could not handle, so she was essentially a gifted enabler. I had never heard the word “pedophile,’ and I would be glad to tell any of you more about this terrible time in my life, but for now I will just say this: that that was when, to me, my father died. I will not go into the anger and betrayal and hatred I felt. It was impossible to cut him completely out of my life, but for the rest of his life I treated him with distant respect, essentially putting on an act for the rest of the world. When he actually died many years later I did not mourn; I had done my mourning, for more than his death, many years before.

Of course I do so sincerely hope that none of you ever have to experience anything like this, but I know that many of you have, though perhaps in a different way. And my very best advice to you is to get counseling! A good counselor has heard EVERYTHING, believe me, and would be so very much help in guiding you through it to a more healthy place in your life. You deserve it, and I am sure God wants you healthy, and both emotionally and spiritually mature.

Life is so messy. I know that God weeps with us when he sees the terrible things we do to each other, and I know that He longs to hold us and comfort us when we are so terribly hurt.  He does comfort us and gives us peace. And I know that there will be a day when all tears are wiped away, and all sin is gone forever. Come, Lord Jesus!

God bless you all.

Norma Stockton

In Dealing with Sin

(By Diego Cuartas)

I think it is important that we look at our personal sin in a way that we consider the Gospel and its benefits. Two initial thoughts come together in my mind about this:

1. If I don't look at my sin through the lenses of the gospel I will be tempted or prone to rely on a false gospel to deal with my sin. A false gospel can be a person, an experience, or a specific resource whether cognitive or material. The goal here is to come under the benefits of the Gospel rather than pursuing a strategy that could give me a sense of "righteousness" apart from Christ and what He has secured on my behalf (Ro 10:3-4, 2 Cor 5:21, Gal 2:21, Phil 3:9, Titus 3:5, 1 Pe 2:24, 2 Pe 1:1). One danger in dealing with our sin is to put ourselves again under the curse of the law (Gal 3:10) or the curse of trusting our own flesh (Jer 17). Either approach will place us under bondage.

2. It is important that I seek the grace of God for my life in my sin so that I don't look for grace substitutes else where (Gal 2:21, 1 Cor 1:4, Titus 2:11, 1 Pe 5:5). What we lose when we seek grace substitutes includes things like true repentance, personal growth, true humility, and the experience of what Jesus provides to us through specific grace.

When dealing with our sin, we should consider looking at few important things:

My reaction to my sin, my responsibility to others, and my response to God. These three groups are important because sin does not happen in a vacuum, sin happens in the context of God--as my reference point to any holiness and righteousness--others--as the ones impacted by my actions--and me--as the one where sin originated at.

Here are a few questions to process our own sin:

1. how am I dealing with my sin and it's impact in my own life?

2. what grace is God providing me? what promises can I lean on for the future?

3. what wisdom do I need in dealing with how my sin has impacted others?

4. where is obedience being hindered? how can I grow in repentance and faith?

5. how is my knowledge and love for God increasing? how is my identity being shaped by my experience of God and His revelation? what provisions can I count on in God?

My hope is that we can grow in dealing with our sin without missing the Gospel or the Grace God can only provide for each one of us. I am convinced that grace is not a generic reality--it is specific and it is more than capable to address the details and needs of our real time moments.

For further reflection: 2 Peter 1:3-4

" His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires."

Theology of Limits

Get a preview of where we are going next in the Everyday Gospel series.  http://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/the-gift-of-limits-and-leadership/

YOU WON’T CHOOSE ME

(By Tammy Vaughn)

Recently my band, Dana Isles and Facedown, went to Knoxville, TN to record a six song EP.  When you record a song you tend to hear it over and over again.  As I listened to it over and over again, the words to one of the songs got me thinking about a lot of areas of life and the people in those areas.

The song is called “You Won’t Choose Me.” It is written from God’s perspective of how He (Jesus) pursues us and loves us yet we don’t choose Him.  When I first heard it I thought it was very sad.  In fact, I still think it’s sad because the song does a great job of highlighting how some people simply do not choose Jesus.  Some of the words to the song are the following:

“Many are Called, Called to follow Him but a very few choose to believe

I have chosen you but you won’t choose me

I try, try, try to make you love me, but you won’t choose me,

I can’t stop thinking of you, but you won’t choose me,

I knock, knock, knock and you won’t answer, you won’t choose me,

I just want to tell you that I paid your ransom but you won’t choose me

What more can I do to get through to you

You just don’t realize for you I suffered and died

To prove, I love you.”

This song hits me between the eyes every time.  In fact, I get teased some because I cry almost every time I hear it.  The simple Gospel is that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.  Since that is the case, why is it that many people choose to reject the things of God, His Word, His guidance, His pursuit of them to follow their own sinful desires?  I mean honestly it had me examining myself to see in what areas I reject the things of God.  

At times, I think it is very easy to reject God and not even know you are doing it, but what I have been saddened by recently is that there are some who willingly choose to reject God’s commands.  Often this is because God’s commands keep them from pursuing what they think they want.  Following God is simply not what they want to do.  Some of the rationalizations are as follows:

• It’s okay to violate God’s commands because I am tired of my life the way it is.
• God can’t really expect this of me because it goes against the grain of what society thinks is acceptable.
• I want to party, live it up gratify my evil selfish desires, after all, God wants me to be happy. Right?

Whatever happened to following God’s commands and honoring Him no matter what our desires are?  I realize it is hard to follow God at times; however, it is the way we show him that we love him.  The Bible says in John 14:15, “If you love me you will keep My commandments.”  We show our love to God by keeping His commandments.  So if we don’t keep His commandments, then we love something or someone else more.

My heart breaks because as I reflect I have realized that many - NOT ALL - but many of the situations I encounter on a day-to-day basis stem from choices being made to gratify self, turning away from God’s commandments and the promises He makes to us as believers in His Word.  The other heart breaker is that there are some that God is chasing and pursuing, yet the response given is to ignore Him.  Flat out reject and ignore Him.  Many wonder why, while they have exchanged the truth of God for a lie, they are living a miserable life.  Often God’s best is given up for insanity- repeated cycles of un-health that do not stop and contain one defeat after another, powerless living instead of powerful ability to live out the calling Jesus has on each of our lives.

The sad part of all of this is that there are consequences for these choices both in the here and now and in eternity.  Often times we are in a mess because of our own choices.  While in the mess we choose to reject God’s commands, making the situation worse or more complex.  It’s frustrating to watch and realize that we each have free will and make our own choices.  God can and wants to help us make the right choices. “He wants to give you power from on high but we don’t choose Him.”

It’s time to reflect on where we are in this.  So where are you?  Are there areas in your life or mine that we reject God?  Are there those around us that are choosing the world’s view or their own sinful desires over God’s desires and commands?  Does it break our heart?  Do we pray for them?  Do we prayerfully confront sin?  The Gospel of Jesus Christ is alive and well, giving power to all that believe.  So let’s live like our lives and others depend on it!

“Choose Me” copyright Dana R. Isles 2011

Confessions of a Serial Procrastinator

I’m sitting here at my desk at home on what feels like our hundredth snow day. A teacher’s work is never done, and I have a pile of papers to grade and lessons to finalize.  

I’ll probably do pretty much none of it today. Ok, I’ll finish my lesson plans because they are due tomorrow morning. But the stuff that doesn’t HAVE to be done now? That’s another story.

Procrastination has been the story of my life. My time management skills are awful and have been since childhood. I don’t want to be this inefficient, but it always seems to just happen that way. I have had a million resolutions swearing that I will be better next time. I will have a plan in place. I will be self-disciplined. I WILL DO BETTER. I WILL.

Then comes the inevitable failure and the self-shaming. You said you could do better, Nancy, and you have FAILED. Again. Just like you always do. 

I know that I am not alone in this mindset. Self-defeating inner dialogue is a part of many of our lives. Pastor Greg pointed it out in Sunday’s sermon about King Saul. A lot of us spend our lives feeling “small” and gathering evidence that our perceptions of ourselves are true.

The question of identity is an easy one to speak and a hard one to follow. I’ve been able to say that my identity is rooted in Christ for what seems like forever, but have I really LIVED that way?  When so much of my life is rooted in thinking about where I fall short, I’m not thinking as a daughter of the almighty God. I’m centered on me, me, and more me, not my Father. I am happy or sad based on what I am doing right or doing wrong. It has nothing to do with God. I’m giving the right answers but not living them.

The utter selfishness of the sin nature always wants to rear its ugly head, no matter how much we claim to know differently that it isn’t about us. We have Good News; the Creator of the Universe has redeemed and adopted us as His! But that Truth gets lost in the day to day self-chatter of all the control we think we should have in our lives. Absolute beauty gets lost in the petty ugliness of the human mind.  

Actually saying and knowing you are adopted as a son or daughter of God takes a daily, systematic fight against wrong thinking. Prayer, Scripture, Community, Counseling…all are great tools to battle wrong mindsets. But it is a daily, lifelong process, one that ebbs and flows. Rooting identity where it belongs is ongoing. 

My habits of procrastination are far from cured. But I can stop thinking about them as reflections of my worth.  They aren’t. I am not my habits, flaws, failures; I am a daughter of the King.

Nancy Vasquez

Why I Love the "Magic" of Lent

As strange as it sounds, when it comes to things that come around every year, the Lenten season is my favorite. I get excited about Lent the way kids feel about Christmas and the coming of Santa Claus. My senses tingle with anticipation. It feels magical.

I don't embrace Lent because it's religious or because I have to. Sometimes Lent is only seen as part of a list of rules that need to be followed and I just don’t see the point of that. I see Lent as an opportunity and you certainly don’t have to take it.

How I experience Lent changes year to year and I usually decide based on what I've been noticing God doing in my life. 

Sometimes Lent is about me adding something to my life: more time meditating on God’s word, more time with community, etc.

Sometimes it's about sacrifice that will remind me to turn to God instead. For example, if I give up caffeine, I have an opportunity to remember Jesus and that He is all I really need every time I crave a cup of coffee (that really is just an example, I haven’t been brave enough to try it.) 

Sometimes I sacrifice because even something that can be good has become too big in my life and I need to take a step back. This is usually the most difficult for me because it touches on things like social media or how I spend my money.

The bottom line is giving Jesus some extra elbowroom. I want more space in my life for Jesus to move, to speak and to shake out what shouldn’t be there. 

One year in college I gave up Facebook for Lent because I recognized it was taking up a lot of my time. A couple weeks later I broke my fast just to make sure a guy had my phone number. Now if Lent is about rules and only rules then I broke my fast and I’m a failure and that’s the end of that. But I love the idea of Lent being an opportunity for Jesus to clean house. I’m so thankful I broke my fast because it opened my eyes to a much bigger area of sin and control in my life- needing people to tell me what I’m worth.

I get so excited about Lent has the potential to tangibly display the essence of the Gospel- that Jesus doesn’t get boxed into only fixing what we think needs fixed. Jesus isn’t limited to whatever I think I need. Lent is just me taking a step in the right direction, making my own minuscule attempt and having faith that Jesus will do so much more. 

By the way, what I said earlier about Lent feeling “magical”? That might not be the right word but “Holy” definitely is. Lent is all about the anticipation of Easter- reminding us that Jesus came to earth and changed everything and He’s promised to come back. Why not start the celebration early?!

Jessica Noblett

KAAABOOOM!! The Battle Against Hopelessness

(By Lois Robinson)

This time of year causes folks to experience higher levels of hopelessness, depression and suicide than any other time of year. After the holidays are over, days are shorter, nights are longer, and the snow, rain and sleet keep falling. With those dynamics comes a heaviness that is not easily lifted. Some try new patterns of healthy living to deal with the “blues,” which is always a recommendation. While others, on the other hand, take the unhealthy route of engaging in sinful patterns to relieve the emptiness.  The latter route would be called finding a “simple solution” to a complex problem, thus leading to a more complex problem. The enemy loves when God’s people do that. The byproduct from this behavior is hopelessness, which can lead us down a very destructive road.

I wanted to offer some helpful recommendations that will hopefully help you avoid the pitfalls of hopelessness. 

1.  BIBLE VERSES WRITTEN ON 3X5 INDEX CARDS - 

This practice is so powerful. The bible says, “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” Psalm 119:11

Get in touch with the feeling(s) you have. You may get thoughts and feelings confused. A feeling is one word. An example:  “I feel ...happy, sad, rejected, abandoned, scared, excited, angry, lonely.

A thought, on the other hand, is a string of words. An example: “I feel sad because I wanted to go to my TFL class but another storm came!   (Feeling)    (Thought)

When you SERIOUSLY begin to learn scripture AND BELIEVE IT TO BE TRUE :), it WILL change your life. It doesn’t work like magic and fix everything in that moment just because you read a scripture, memorized it or even spoke it out. I have learned that I have to repeat it over and over again, because I am literally battling my flesh to come under the Authority of the Word of God.  In an anxiety ridden moment for me, I have had to sit and repeat a scripture regarding fear for 30 minutes or so until my mind believed what God’s word says over what my mind is believed at the time, thus producing all the anxiety! It is not a quick fix, friends. I have learned that deep down my flesh has trouble bowing to the Truth of God. My natural tendency is to see reality through MY eyes and believe it, which caused fear and anxiety. Oh God save me!

2.  VERSES HANGING IN STRATEGIC PLACES : HOME, WORK, CAR, COMPUTER, TV, FRIDGE:

This is another weapon of warfare that can change the atmosphere of your environment. I find that I need a daily reminder of who God says He is and who God says I am, as I work, play, read, watch TV, rest and the list goes on. The same principle applies though: you must believe what the scripture is saying. You cannot just read it like it is the right thing to do and God will then somehow change it all. He desires you to trust and believe He is telling you the truth. When you practice believing and resting in His truths, things really do begin to change, whether in your circumstances or in your heart!

3. PRAISE AND WORSHIP MUSIC: THE SHOUT!

As one of my favorite worship leaders, Darlene Zschech says in her book Extravagant Worship, “A shout commands attention. A shout is prophetic and faith building; a shout calls things that are not as though they were. A shout demonstrates enthusiasm, confidence, and determination. A shout releases energy, boldness, and passion. A shout changes the atmosphere. God’s word tells us to shout. “Shout to God with the voice of triumph and songs of joy!” (Psalm 47:1) She goes on to say, “When I am leading worship, I don’t shout to get people excited or “hyped up”. When I shout, I am encouraging people to put action to their faith.”

Amen and Hallelujah! Friends, someone told me that sometimes your healing is locked up in your praise. I believe it and have experienced deep healing in my life, mind and soul because of praise and worship. Scripture is loaded with events of people giving their praise, worship and surrender to Jesus and then experiencing healing. When Paul was thrown into prison, the bible tells us he prayed, praised and witnessed, the earthquake came and the chains fell off. Let’s learn to practice these weapons of warfare! Amen