When I’m feelin’ Some Kinda Way...

(By Lois Robinson)

I strongly dislike generalized statements like, “All women love to shop” or “All guys love sports”, “everyone” wants this or “everyone”  wants that. A  recent one  I’ve heard is “All teenage boys cuss when they are together with other teenage boys. That’s what teenagers do!” Or these little gems, “That’s a man thing because they’re stupid” or “That’s a woman thing because they’re so hormonal”. Just love when people boil down the complexities of individuals to such a small definition in order to understand how “everyone” functions. Wrong conclusions being made every time is usually the case!

Therefore, I will intentionally avoid a generalized statement here and simply say, “If you are anything like me, I have frequent times of “feeling’ some kinda way!” Sometimes its feeling frustrated out of the blue, sometimes it’s feeling hungry for the Chinese Buffet, sometimes it’s feeling angry over violations or other times its just feeling  UGH! At times my feelings are all over the place, hard to really understand what is going on.  Sometimes the anger is an appropriate response to external circumstances that are wrong and my internal response towards the violation or sin is anger. While other times my anger is strictly my own sinful heart not getting its own way. As my Pastor Nate has taught, anger is a barometer of our heart that says something needs to be dealt with. That’s a blog for a whole different day!! Remember, feelings are a gift from God but we must learn how to recognize them, process them appropriately and not avoid them. God has given them to us for a reason.  Feelings, oh they can be so powerful. I am very thankful God gave the human heart, mind and body, the ability to feel. How dangerous would it be if we couldn’t feel.  When we feel extreme heat, the normal bodily response is danger and we step away. When we feel sub zero temperatures, we normally  respond by putting on more clothing to prevent frost bite. Hopefully I have made the point regarding the importance of our body feeling sensations and responding appropriately.  Otherwise it could be very detrimental to us. For some who have lost the ability to feel, due to some diseases or traumatic accidents, they have to be very cautious and take proper measures to ensure they won’t be subject to danger. God created the human body with an awesome alert system to protect us from danger.

This brings to the next point. The beautiful gift of emotions that God has given us. They are designed to work in our favor, to be a part of our celebrations, our healing process, our warning signals from danger, our own brokeness and need for a Savior. We are so broken in this area friends and unfortunately many of us base our reality on “how we feel” and then label it as God’s leading or lack thereof because they can’t feel Go. I have sat with young girls who “feel” like they love the new boyfriend as of 3 weeks and has sex to show him. Only to end up feeling shame and guilt. Others have felt like fitting in with the peer group and made some bad decisions that get them arrested. Others compromise their values very quickly and perform sexual acts to get needs met. In the church, people operate in their feelings to the extreme of disengaging in worship because they don’t feel like it, don’t like the worship song or don’t actively engage in the celebration time because they aren’t feeling anything.

               NEWS FLASH

WORSHIP ISN’T ABOUT YOU!!!

IT IS ALL ABOUT THE GOD WHO DESERVES YOUR PRAISE

AND CAN SAVE YOU FROM YOUR SELF-FOCUSED ORIENTATION.

This is a little diddy I had as a piano lesson back in the day as a child. I thought I was all that being able to play it......OVER AND OVER!! Check out the crazy lyrics!

Feelings

Feelings ,Nothing more than feelings, Trying to forget my feelings of love 

Teardrops, Rolling down on, my face, Trying to forget my, feelings of love 

Feelings, For all my life I'll feel it, I’ll wish I've never met you, girl, You'll never come again

Feelings, Wo-o-o feelings, Wo-o-o feelings, Again in my heart,

Feelings, Feelings like I've lost you, and feelings like I've never have you, Again in my heart.

Feelings, For all my life I'll feel it, I wish I've never met you, girl, You'll never come again

Feelings, Feelings like I've lost you , And feelings like I've never have you

copyright (http://elyrics.net)

He is the God who created the entire universe in 6 days and rested on the 7th.

He is the God who parted the Red Sea and killed the Egyptians who were chasing His children the Israelites.

He is the God who parted the Jordan River in order for His children to walk into the Promised Land.

He is the God who sacrificed His only Son and raised Him from the dead in 3 days in order to Save us.

He is the God who HEALS. He is the God who PROVIDES. He is the God who REDEEMS. He is the God who COMFORTS. He is the God who is JUST. He is the God who CARES. He is the God who FORGIVES. He is  God, He is my God, He is my Savior, He is my Abba.

In spite of your feelings, .....I ask you friend....a question that Jesus asked His disciples...

Now when Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” And they said, “Some say John the Baptist, others say Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” Simon Peter replied, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” And Jesus answered him, “Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven. And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loose din heaven.” (Matthew 16:13-19)

Feelings are a gift but must come under the authority of Jesus Christ. Through His Spirit, we can understand what we are feeling, why we are feeling that way and how to process appropriately so the feelings we experience lead us into a closer relationship to Him and Christ-likeness.

Blessings Friends-

Feeling Followership

(By Thor Knutstad)

The enemy’s deception has slowly and methodically traded real freedom (in us) for the worship of what I will call ‘Feeling Followership.’  But we know that our feelings don’t really free us – they often mislead us, they often distort the truth and they often bring us into deeper bondage when we live following the misguided sense of direction that comes from Feeling Followership.  

Show me a man or woman enslaved by passions, feelings and desires, and I will show you a heart that is laced and bound with heavy chains of enslavement.  False teachers deceive people into thinking that freedom is found and experienced in the idolatry of Feeling Followership, but they would never call it that.  Oh, they never call it the adultery (unfaithfulness) or the idolatry (false worship) that it really is either.  They never label it as license or liberty of the world; and they surely wouldn’t call it the legalism that it often represents in its many rules and manmade traditions.   This is because the devil, though he appears to often work quickly, picks at our fleshly sin nature sometimes very slowly and patiently.  This strategy, coupled with the wrong desires that cause confusion within us, serve to thwart God’s deeper work within our hearts.  Feeling Followership promises freedom from the constraints God outlines in His Word, but ultimately real freedom is lost.  During the downward process of Feeling Followership, freedom evaporates and bondage takes hold and roots deeply.  While our hearts are held hostage in the deception of Feeling Followership, this soul-killing process that bathes in Satan’s great lies causes us to lose ourselves and become mastered by the very things that enslave us.  Feeling Followership is a legion of demons invading the desires of the flesh.  It is not real freedom.  Feeling Followership is a deadly and dark path – a highway with few or any exits.  Beware.  Beware of the false teachers and false prophets who tickle your ears with Feeling Followership appeals.  Beware of the lies – and behold the truth.  

This truth is a person – His Name is Jesus, the Christ.  And though He always comforts your pains and sufferings with an everlasting love, He will never call you to Feeling Followership.  Instead, He will take you to places that you never wanted to go; He asks you to deny yourself and carry your cross like He did – so He can get you home - to eternity’s Heaven, unto holiness.  Therefore, we must often forsake Feeling Followership, trading it for righteous actions and doings of holy moments that exemplify the Gospel and live out our real freedom.  Let’s see Feeling Followership for the lie that it really is – Praise Him.  

To Face or Not to Face?

(By Tammy Vaughn)

I have been pondering the reasons that people choose to face their emotions or suppress their emotions.  I’ve listened to friends’ conversations and have noticed lately that many people suppress emotions and/or deny their feelings. People are generally proficient in talking about the facts of a particular situation but are not in touch with their feelings.  Instead, they choose not to delve into the emotional side of the situation.  It’s easier to talk about someone or something than take responsibility for how you feel.

Some may ask, “How do you know when a person is suppressing their feelings?”  I’ll answer the question with an example:  If someone calls an overweight individual “fat,” most likely it will cause some kind of negative reaction or feeling within the person targeted, whether that is embarrassment or hurt.  To say that it does not cause some kind of feeling is probably not likely or realistic.

There are times when a person does not realize that they are suppressing feelings.   This often happens when people do not take deep self-inventory.  They may be unwilling or unable to take the time to mine-out their deepest emotion.  Many people are fairly good at identifying happiness, sadness or anger.  However, that same group of people may not be so keen on identifying the varying intensity of their emotion.  For example, a more intense form of sadness could be depression.  A more intense form of anger is rage.  There are varying shades of basic emotions.

Some may deny that they are experiencing a particular kind of an emotion that is affecting them negatively.  This denial often happens because they feel embarrassed about the emotion.  They may feel like they are not entitled to feel the way they do.  Some people seem to be very concerned that if they give themselves permission to feel the emotion, they will not be able to actually deal with it.  According to James Gross, a scientist who studies emotions, “Suppressing emotions is hard to do and does not work.”  His studies have shown that once the emotion is triggered, it is very difficult to shut it down or ignore it. In fact, we become more tense and agitated while trying to suppress or ignore the feeling.  This shows that it is not emotionally healthy to suppress emotions.  Another negative implication of shutting off emotion is that people closest to us can tell we are suppressing our feelings; our non-verbal communication gives clues that we are hiding emotions, even when we insist on saying we’re fine.   In other words, in many cases we are not fooling anyone but ourselves.  This can actually do damage to the people we love; they end up feeling shut out because they know that we are experiencing feelings but are not willing to share them.

So, if it is not beneficial, what is the purpose of shutting down emotions?  What does a person hope to accomplish?  Often times, the person who shuts down or shuts off their emotions hopes that this action will make them appear to be strong in their vulnerable time of weakness.   This reminds me of the beautiful Bible verse that says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV)

Other times people hope that by suppressing their emotions they can calm themselves down or help defuse a delicate and/or explosive situation.  The person does not wish to cause waves or cause a fight.  It does not usually accomplish what they want.

Usually feelings that are stuffed down come out in ways we do not want and at times we do not want.   Often we handle stuffed feelings in ways that are not helpful to us.  Stuffed feelings can be motivators to very negative behaviors or habits like substance abuse, physical and/or verbal abuse, etc.  However, when we give voice to our emotions we actually give validation to how we are feeling.  We feel grounded and more in control.  Healthy discussions about your emotions is just that, healthy.  It actually helps to bring your feelings to the light, which makes you better able to identify and deal with the source of the emotion.  If you can recognize the emotion, you can deal with the emotion.  You can respond to the situation as opposed to just reacting like a puppet on a string or a slave to a master.  Have you ever met a person who is ruled by their emotions?  If they feel a certain way then they have to act a certain way, never realizing that they may be a slave to their “un-dealt with” emotions.  Galatians 4:6-8 says, “Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.”  So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.  Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods.”  Our emotion, while important and valid, are NOT God.  And we should not be a slave to them.

Many things we suppress are not able to be processed by ourselves because we are stuck in our emotion.  At these times it’s advantageous to seek out professional counsel and begin to learn how to express those feelings and get them out in the open, aided by someone we trust.  Even the expression of those feelings to a close loved one is beneficial because it allows others to express care and empathy.  No one really wants to be burdened and suffer through a rough time alone.  Nor should they have to.  Open communication is one of the ways a person experiences a loving relationship.  Sharing your heart with someone you trust can greatly strengthen that relationship.  In the end, giving our loved ones a chance to show us they care and that they can be with us/there for us is actually a gift to them.

A Time to Grieve and a Time to…

(By Tammy Vaughn)

Prime times for grieving a loss or death are during the holiday season, around the loved one’s birthday or the day of their passing.  So how do we face holiday grief?   Grief is the loss of a loved one or something important to you.  Grief could include the loss of an idea, item, animal, child or dream.  Grief may actually start before a person is deceased, especially in the case of terminal illness.  

I believe taking a self-inventory is a key concept around the area of grief; it is beneficial to examine yourself and identify feelings on how you are processing or not processing the loss.   You may be telling yourself things like,  “Stop making a big deal out of it” or “You should be over it by now” or “I can’t live without this person” or “I want to die too.” I think a key part of this is to evaluate what you think about your observations, self talk or thoughts.  You may miss your loved one terribly, and you may be feeling loss and sadness.  The flip side may also be true- maybe you recognize that the loved one is missing but feel relief or peace.  Maybe you don’t think of your loved one at all and feel guilty for not thinking of them.  It is important to remember that feelings are just feelings; they are not right or wrong, they are just your feelings.  We tend to place a lot of emphasis on how we feel when really it’s what you do with your feelings that is important.  Taking an honest inventory of how you’re doing throughout the grief process is very important.

Another key to dealing with grief is to find a healthy balance between remembering and honoring a person’s absence and perseverating or centering the entire rest of your life or holidays on their absence.  Being consumed by your loved one’s death or loss does not help you to live your life.   This may sound insensitive, but if God has still given you life, He has a purpose and plan for you.  It’s important to keep this in mind.  I encourage people to find a way to celebrate or acknowledge the person who you have lost without being totally consumed.  Some people are reluctant to even use the word “celebrate” because they feel that if you celebrate, you will forget your loved one.  Achieving a healthy balance is important; that way you are not swallowed up in grief and therefore miss making memories, enjoying other loved ones who are living or miss out on life in general.  I think processing feelings with close supportive friends, pastors and professional counselors is very helpful in working toward striking this balance.  Part of moving toward health is carrying on normal activities, realizing that you will be making “new normals”.  

Another key to grief recovery is to find support.  Let me say it again: find support. Grief Share, Celebrate Recovery, pastorate friends and professional counselors, etc.  Some things God never meant for us to go through or overcome by ourselves; grief is one of those things.  It is and will be tempting to isolate, wall off and stay to yourself because the pain is too intense or you don’t want to get hurt again. You may be tempted to not celebrate the holiday or to celebrate the holiday alone. Instead, find some supportive people, friends or coworkers and celebrate the best that you can.  Isolation makes the healing process harder and longer.  Being around people that care about you will in fact help your grief process.  Processing feelings with people you trust will help you to work through those feelings and gain the support you need to survive.  Remember that grief is more than just five stages, or steps, or hoops to jump through.  It can look like a ball of yarn. There is no time line to grief, and it can be experienced by everyone differently.  You can actually be stuck in stages, not really go through some of them and experience them out of order.  The fives stages of grief are denial, bargaining, depression, anger and acceptance. Remembering that everyone processes grief differently is helpful, realizing that   while you are on one stage, your spouse or children may be on a different stage.   The important thing to do is to acknowledge or experience your feelings when you have them.  Don’t try to shut grief feelings down, run from them or deny that you are having them.  Stuffed feelings always come out in ways and at times that you don’t want them to come out.  When you are grieving, often times you feel out of control and devastated.   One thing you can control is how you explore and express your feelings.  You will also feel empowered and begin to have a sense of hope as you identify and acknowledge the feelings you have.   Give yourself permission to grieve and to be happy.  The Bible in Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us that life has many seasons and cycles.  This passage gives us each hope that there is an end in sight.  Life will not always be this traumatic or painful.   

Take a minute to read this great reminder in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.  Take a deep breath and be encouraged!

    There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the  heavens:

    a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,

    a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,

    a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,

    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

    a time to embrace and a time to   refrain from embracing,

    a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away

    a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,

    a time to love and a time to hate,  a time for war and a time for peace.