Where Are Your Boundaries?

(By Diego Cuartas)

From time to time certain words draw my attention because they are not necessarily words we find explicitly in the biblical. For instance, I have never come across the word balance, as in live a well-balanced life. Or try the word boundaries, as in live with boundaries or within boundaries for your own good and the good of others. I do realize that these concepts are welcomed in some way by our American culture. I am not down on these concepts. What I want to do is from time to time come back with safeguards found in the Word of God to help us keep our understanding and practice of these concepts under check. Why keep them under check? Because something good such as boundaries could become self-serving or feed our self-focused tendencies in life. 

For today, I want to focus on a few thoughts shared by the apostle Paul to help us x-ray our understanding and implementation of personal boundaries. Romans 15:1-7 says:

We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves.  Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.  For Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, “The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.”  For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.  May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Test #1: Do you use boundaries in your life to avoid “bearing with the failings of the weak”? In verses 1 and 5 Paul points us to build others up, seek their good and live in harmony with each other. Boundaries should help us reenergize so that we can re-engage community, not live in isolation.

Test #2: Do you use boundaries to “please yourself”? In verses 2 and 3 we see that Jesus set an example in terms of living a life that was not about pleasing himself. He even allowed reproaches that were aimed to his father to fall on himself. Boundaries should help us seek our well-being and the well-being of others.

Test #3: Do you lean on boundaries as your “hope” or safety in life? In verses 4 and 5 Paul affirms that God is the source of endurance and encouragement. In this context, encouragement comes to us via the revealed Word of God. Boundaries should help us realign our hope in God.

Test #4: Do your boundaries serve just you or your community at large?  Verse 5 calls us to engage community “in accord with Christ Jesus”. Verses 6 and 7 offer a picture of what happens when we live in “harmony” with others: God will be glorified by the community and we will grow in welcoming each other. Boundaries should help us offer others in our community a quality of life set by Jesus.

Stay tuned. In my next blog I hope to give an example of how I have misused boundaries in my life. I will also illustrate beautiful things that have happened when I have used boundaries well.

But God...

Memory can be a very tricky thing. But there are some moments so permanently stitched into your mind that you can still see the furniture, see the people, hear the words and feel exactly as you felt when you heard them, or said them yourself.

The most painful one of mine is this: I was putting my oldest child to bed, hearing her say a little rote bless-mommy-and-daddy prayer. She was seven or eight. And she asked me, “Mommy, really, who WAS Jesus?” And I actually said to her, “Sweetheart, that is something you will have to decide when you are older.” She said, “But no, Mommy, I want you to tell me!” And I said, again, ”No, you will decide that for yourself later. Now go to sleep, precious, and sweet dreams.”

I was so proud of myself! I did not believe in child evangelism; I thought it was taking advantage of young minds. I was so woefully and ignorantly opinionated, so sure I was doing the absolute best thing. I was so wrong.

But then, over the years, one by one, all of the rest of our little family came to the Lord. Except this one. It seemed as though she had slipped through the cracks and was lost, and you can surely imagine the tears I shed as I replayed that night in my mind, over and over and over. 

So now, we listen to advice about Faith Talks, and hear how other young parents do it so well and live the Gospel in their homes. But are any of you a little older now, with no children in your home anymore, and do you have children who are not walking with our Lord, and does this whole next-generation thing just fill you with sorrow because you believe you missed your chance?

I have an answer for you. PRAY.  God really understands. He loves you so much, and He loves that child, and He hears that prayer. 

“He surely heard me, and let me tell you how He answered.”

Many, many years later, that same child was living a thousand miles away. She had experienced a painful divorce, and now had badly injured her right hand at work, and had had one finger removed. Her lower arm was in a cast while it was healing, and she couldn’t do much for herself, so she came home for a few weeks. This was after all the rest of us were finally true Christians, and one Sunday night I really, really wanted her to come to church because I knew what the subject matter was going to be, and I was sure – (of course I knew best!) – that God wanted her to hear it! But she was at her brother’s house for dinner, and those wretched children never showed up at church at all! I was SO mad at all of them!

BUT   GOD …….  oh, those two sweet, sweet words! …….  but God had other plans. While I was at church, steaming about my miserable children, my son and his wife were still at his house, leading my beloved daughter to the Lord! We lived at the shore, and she wanted to be baptized immediately, so she was --- in the ocean, with her bandaged right arm sticking up out of the waves!

Don’t give up. God knows that where you were then was not where you are now. He loves you, more than you can possibly understand. Pray, pray, pray. And pray too for the younger parents who are hearing these messages now, that they would believe that they can do this with their children, and that it will make all the difference in their lives, and their children’s lives, and the lives of those to come.

Norma Stockton

Children At Risk: The Gospel & The Next Generation

It doesn't take an expert to realize that the next generation is at risk. Over the next weeks, join with us on Sunday mornings as we study Paul's letter to the Ephesians. We'll look at God's plan for those at risk: households effectively taking the hope of the Gospel to the next generation. Take time to peruse this site to get a sense of the urgency in bringing the Gospel. 

What Are You Reading This Summer?

(By Diego Cuartas)

Not too long ago I had a chance to hear pastor and author Kevin DeYoung speak at a conference where he introduced his recent book "Taking God at His Word". This book is inspirational and has the potential to help followers of Jesus Christ rekindle their passion for God's Word. One reason I would give you to read this book, or any book that aims to this goal, is that God's story and your life story do intercept constantly. The question is "do you see how they intercept?" Paying attention to your daily situations in light of God's Word will help you develop an eye for how your small life story can fit within a larger story God has in mind.

For a summary of the book I encourage you to visit this link and consider this book as one of the next ones you will acquire, and, read!

Blessing to you.

Diego Cuartas

What About Our Extended Extended Family?

As far back as I can remember, I’ve been told that we are all “brothers and sisters” in Christ.  That worked for me early on, when all of the Christians that I encountered were basically similar to me.  It stood to reason that people in my church were “family.”  People that went to other churches that looked like mine were also “family,” but more like cousins.  People who went to churches that didn’t look like mine were suspect.  They might be “family,” but it was hard to say.  I didn’t know exactly what they believed, and they may have spoken in tongues, or had priests instead of pastors, or had female pastors, or had some strange sounding church name.  So they probably were’t my “family,” but they had their own “family” in Christ, I surmised. 

As I grew, my experience with different bodies of believers, my college experience, and my own journey began to expand my idea of “brothers and sisters,” and my “family” became much more inclusive.  Just like Caesar Kalinowski talked about a few weeks ago, our family is HUGE.  We don’t all have to believe or live exactly the same way.  God has lots of children, and many of them are in different places in their own Gospel stories than I am.  This is a beautiful truth that I can embrace.  

Until a few months ago, I thought I lived this truth well.  I was excited about the new Pope, even though I’m not Catholic, because it meant so much to my Catholic brothers and sisters.  I could relate to coworkers who’s God-experiences are very different than mine, without being critical or judgmental of how they do things.

On March 19th, I saw the news of the death of Fred Phelps, founder and pastor of the infamous Westboro Baptist Church.  I often interacted with members of WBC on Twitter, and my initial impulse was to fire off a not-so-nice tweet to his daughter, Shirley.  I started to compose the mean-spirited tweet, carefully selecting my 140 characters in the same divisive tone that Fred and his daughter are well known for.  I felt OK about this because they certainly spread enough hate and evil that they definitely aren’t real Christians.  They aren’t “family,” are they?  They might believe in the same God I do, and they might believe in the same core tenets of faith that I do, but… they are such… awful people.  Surely, God can’t consider them his children.  And even if He does, they have their own “family,” and it’s not mine.

There’s a saying that you can choose your friends, but you’re stuck with your family.  As I have had to learn through experiences, our “family tree” is enormous.  It extends in many directions that I’ve never considered.  It even includes people that I wouldn’t choose.  Fred Phelps, like a crazy-mean-terrible uncle, was a part of the family.  Realizing this has had an immediate effect on my interactions with members of Westboro Baptist Church.  I still, obviously, disagree with almost everything they stand for.  I disagree with how they go about spreading their “message.”  I disagree with them picketing funerals of soldiers.  There is plenty of room for criticism.  But my perspective has changed.  No longer am I on the other side of the fence throwing rocks back at them.  Now I find myself reacting in love, not hate.  After all we’re family.  

While WBC is probably the most extreme example I can think of, this idea of “extended family” touches on other areas and relationships.  It’s easy for me to think of believers who are different than me as family, but it’s much harder when they are not only different, but wrong.  God doesn’t call all of his children to believe the same thing as me, as though I am the standard-bearer.  We are all family, and there has to be room in this family for grace.  Who am I to deny the family that God has given me?

Jeff Hyson

DAD, PIZZA, AND THE BIRTHDAY PARTY

(By Thor Knutstad)

When I was maybe like 14, my mom and my sister were away for the weekend at a Christian women's conference or church event. It was just me and my dad. That Saturday evening, Dad rounded me up and we went for pizza downtime. When we walked in to the back room to be seated, to my shame and embarrassment, most of my closest friends were gathered for a birthday party - that I wasn't invited to. When we sat down in the booth, I wanted to crawl under the seat. I felt rejected and could feel the staring eyes of disapproval from my classmates. They felt bad too - maybe worse. I wanted to run and hide. I felt exposed. But my Dad made me stay. He sensed my shame and said "Honey Boy (that was his term of affection for me through my life), sometimes people won't include you and will not invite you. When you are young, it hurts. You feel ashamed that they didn't invite you to the party, but they feel worse." Then he reached across the table and gently squeezed my hand - in a firm but tender and manly way. He opened his wallet and said to me, "Here" and handed me a $20 bill. "Here's enough for you to share with all of them - go play video games with them and include them even though they haven't done that for you." A few of my friends joined me, talked with us, and we even left them extra pizza (I never understood till now why my Dad bought two pizzas but now I do). This is a simple story with a deep, complex meaning. My father used creativity and wisdom to compensate for and alleviate my pain of wanting approval and fears of rejection. He rose above a situation with encouragement and quick thinking that rescued his young son's fragile, developing heart. (I just teared my way through this reading this to my Gram and to Jordan before). I think those moments prepared me for greater rejections - and for walking wisely in tough situations - and made and make a little more like Jesus. Teach your sons well fathers - life is more than hard work and education and survival. Your life is Christ. Be that to your sons.

Beauty For Ashes--Quite the Journey

(By Lois Robinson)

I told you readers last month that I would bring more insights from my current journey. These new insights are just that: new. God is working new things in my heart that I do not think would have been possible if not for what I am going through.  He really is giving me beauty for ashes. Thank you for your feedback, comments and encouragement. It is great to know people are actually reading these blogs and are getting encouragement in some way from them. 

The focus of this blog will be about embracing the painful reality of a different kind of life than I had always imagined: fully mobile with two good, strong legs to walk and run, going shopping for groceries and carrying them to the car, mowing the grass, taking a long walk, climbing a set of stairs. These are just some of the areas of my life that have been radically changed. When I get into a heated therapy pool, I nearly cry because it is then I remember what it is to walk again, somewhat normally. But, in that loss, I have gained a lot. Here are my new gifts: God is breaking my heart and opening the eyes of my heart in order to know Him more, love Him more, love people better and, last but not least, understand His faithfulness, goodness and love for me.

1. Growing in awareness of my deep control issues:

~having to depend on others to mow the grass.  

I love mowing and want to mow when I want to mow. Now I have to wait on others :)

~having to ask store workers to load the heavy things into my electronic scooter and unload them into my car when I am shopping alone. 

I want to be self sufficient and not have to ask for help at all :)

~eating habits: there are natural remedies available that assist in the healing process.  Learning to embrace a new way of eating for health benefits can be difficult. 

I want to eat what I want, when I want!

~finances: a lot goes into the medical journey each month, so following a weekly budget is crucial. 

I want to spend my money on what I want. Fun stuff, not medical stuff!

~having to do exercises and stretches daily to keep whatever muscles and nerves working that I can. 

I do not feel like exercising every day. I’m tired. I’ve worked all day, week, etc and the list of excuses goes on and on.

~dealing with the embarrassment of using a wheelchair, crutches and scooter in public, and the stares or sympathetic grins that I get from people. Honestly what goes through my head is,  “Let the cripple through.” I’m still working on that lie.

2. Growing in my Awareness of Loving and Serving People:

~When I go into any store now, I immediately look to see if all the electronic scooters are plugged in and charged. It is impossible for those of us with mobility handicaps to shop unless the scooter has a full charge. There have been times the basket is full and the scooter dies. I am now left to slowly walk up to the front, get a cart, have help to load everything into the cart, push it up, pay and have help loading it into my car. NOT GOOD! Nightmare material. 

3. Growing in my understanding of the Godly benefits of friendship/community:

~My best friend Jess, some of you know, is so wonderful in walking with me through this. She holds me accountable to exercise, to the nutritional aspect of this journey, and introduces me to natural foods to battle inflammation, etc. She attends doctor visits with me as I have learned it is too much for one person to deal with. Jesus knew what He was talking about when He says live in community!

~Our lawn mower was broken, and I spent 3 weekends trying to fix it. A friend from church offered to fix it, and one hour later it was working wonderfully! Praise God!!

4. Growing in my wisdom and knowledge regarding God and medical treatment:

~I always questioned the area of medicine called Pain Management. I was completely ignorant of the necessity of such doctors on a long term basis. Now I have a much better understanding. Yes, the system gets abused horribly. But for those who have painful conditions on a daily basis and still desire to continue to live a life God has called them to, pain management doctors are very necessary. For the longest time, I wouldn’t even tell anyone I went to pain management. It was an area of shame. Thank God He has healed me of that set of beliefs. 

~I have learned how God points me to the doctors he wants and closes doors to the places He doesn’t want.     

~I have learned to trust Him in deeper ways because I have had an issue with striving to obtain a level of healthiness and functionality, only to result in it all falling apart physically, again and again, believing all three times it was because I didn’t work hard enough, didn’t do the exercises exactly right or long enough. The doctors and physical therapists have said there was nothing I did wrong; it is just that my body is very broken right now.     

As you can see, no, God has not chosen to heal the most noticeable brokenness in my body, the leg and back. But, what we must do is look at the way He IS HEALING ME! With all of my heart, I want to walk normally again, have no pain anymore and be functioning well again. What I must never lose sight of is all the beautiful things in my heart that are being birthed and healed in me because of the brokenness I am experiencing physically. In all honesty, experiencing such brokenness on a daily basis makes most things hard physically, emotionally and psychologically. But, what rises up in all of that is His promise to give me beauty for ashes. I am experiencing this verse that I will leave you with. Thanks for reading :) See you next month! Blessing friends!

Isaiah 61:3 (from The Message)

[Announce Freedom to All Captives ] The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me because God anointed me. He sent me to preach good news to the poor, heal the heartbroken, Announce freedom to all captives, pardon all prisoners. God sent me to announce the year of his grace— a celebration of God’s destruction of our enemies— and to comfort all who mourn, To care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion, give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes, Messages of joy instead of news of doom, a praising heart instead of a languid spirit. Rename them “Oaks of Righteousness” planted by God to display his glory. They’ll rebuild the old ruins, raise a new city out of the wreckage. They’ll start over on the ruined cities, take the rubble left behind and make it new. You’ll hire outsiders to herd your flocks and foreigners to work your fields, But you’ll have the title “Priests of God,” honored as ministers of our God. You’ll feast on the bounty of nations, you’ll bask in their glory. Because you got a double dose of trouble and more than your share of contempt, Your inheritance in the land will be doubled and your joy go on forever.