Take Your Place

I have had people ask me what it’s like or how it’s going having two kids. The short answer is that it is going well, I like it, etc. My long answer is what I will attempt to explain to you here. I am not the same Sophia that I was just two short years ago before having children. Being a mother is one of the most challenging and beautiful things God is using to transform me. I am changing, and change is good.

Everyday my strengths and weaknesses are exposed. My multi-tasking skills have gone through the roof, for one thing. I have managed to nurse the baby while spoon-feeding my then 16 month old and feeding myself. However, I am not always patient, neat, gracious or even joyful. I could list other ways our household has changed having experienced the challenges of less “down time,” more messes, and feeling pulled in different directions; but I would be remiss if I didn’t include the joys of little girl giggles, baby cuddles, the wonder of watching them experience new things, lots and lots of singing, reading and being creative, dance parties in the kitchen and talking about how much Jesus loves us. This beautiful smattering of laughter and tears, amazement and frustration is my life right now.

One of the things I am learning through it all is the importance of taking my place and being fully present with no excuses or apologies. No, I may not have the same degree of freedom to hang out late or to even participate in ministry in the same ways I did before, but I wouldn’t change it. My family is a gift to me and an asset, not a burden. I am right where I need to be. I don’t have to rush through this stage or bemoan that I am not single and childfree in order to find significance and contentment. God does not hide himself from me until I make it to the next level. He is where I am. He stands with me when the girls skipped a nap and are having a meltdown from being overtired, and He invites me to take my place and to lean into Him in my limitations. “Be present. I am in this.” When we are looking forward to hanging out with friends but have to choose a time that works best for our schedule as family and its awkward in the exchange, He invites me to take my place. “Keep making the effort. I am in this.”

Are there ways that you struggle with being fully present or feel like you have to apologize to others for the season of life you are in? Whether you are single and people keep asking when you are going to get married or you’re married and people want to know when you are going to have children or your job seems kind of meh in comparison to someone else’s or whatever it may be, I encourage you to take your place. What if you don’t have to be somewhere else but exactly where you are because Jesus is there? In the joy and sorrow of your season of life, God is there. Let us take up our place next to Him and stop apologizing for where we aren’t according to the expectation of others. I trust that as we do, beautiful things will happen and the story we tell with our lives will be much richer than an imitation of someone else or merely a reflection of our culture. Let it begin with me. Hello, my name is Sophia. I am a mom of two under two years old, and I am taking my place.

Eat It, iPhone! (Putting My iPhone In Its Place)

I was starting to feel concerned about myself.

I was finding myself...

...very easily annoyed during the day by my youngest daughter...

...much too quickly frustrated by both my daughters' normal, learning disobedience...

...overwhelmed by and anxious about the lengthy to-do list that was forever looming over my head...

...discontent and really wishing that I could just be doing something else other than playing dolls or breaking up ANOTHER argument between a three-year-old and a five-year-old.

And you know what I found myself wishing I could be doing? What little respite I noticed myself turning to over and over and over again? 

My phone. 

I almost hate jumping on the bandwagon of saying that 'the iPhone is really changing our culture'...but the truth is...I'm finding that it's changing me. And I'm concerned. 

When I first realized that I was concerned about my relationship with my iPhone, I started tuning into how my use of technology leaves me feeling. Here are some of the words I came up with to try to label the disquiet that is growing in me:

• scattered
• fragmented in my mind
• not completely present, mentally and emotionally, frequently with my children and sometimes with my husband
• distracted
• itching to look something up or multitask when I'm playing or talking with my children.

Those descriptions were sobering enough to motivate me to try to find some good resources about technology and its influence on our culture. Here are a few that I spent some time reading:

http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/unsocial-media

http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/six-ways-your-phone-is-changing-you

http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/six-wrong-reasons-to-check-your-phone-in-the-morning

So I read these three articles. And I thought about them throughout my day. Later that night, I plopped down on my couch, tired at the end of the day, and I started praying out loud. 

"Oh, God," I said. "I'm not sure what's going on with me. I am getting so annoyed so easily at Bethie. I don't know if I just need a break from the daily grind of mothering...or if there's something to what I'm wondering about this technology thing...but I need to confess something to You. I think I do have some kind of addiction thing going on with my phone. I want to check it as soon as I wake up. My first thought is CERTAINLY not that I need You, and that I need You desperately for the tasks You've called me to for this day. I don't re-orient my mind when I wake up. I just jump in with my own strength. My own thoughts. My own mindset. And maybe that's part of my annoyance at my precious children. I don't have Your mind inside of me transforming me. I don't even have on my radar most of the time that You commanded the ones that are a part of Your family to love You with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength...and then to love others as themselves. Geez. That's not really part of conscious thoughts about mothering during the day and I'm ashamed to admit it. I need Your forgiveness, Jesus. And You know what else, God? I would rather be Pinterest-ing than playing dollhouse. I would rather be scrolling Facebook than chatting in the car. I'd rather be multi-tasking and getting things done than slowing down and 'uni-tasking'...really being present with my girls. I confess that to You, God. What is best for me and my family and my children doesn't really feel best to me. It feels too hard. I need Your help." 

So when I opened my eyes in the morning, guess what? I didn't touch my phone. I laid there in my bed and I said, "God, I don't have what it takes to mother these girls today. I'm not going to really want to be present with them. But You've got what I need. And You're willing to pour out all that I need for today. So would You help me?"

And then we went through our morning together.

I zipped my phone in my purse. I usually put it on my lap in the car. But I realized that it doesn't really need to be there, does it? There's pretty much nothing that someone will say that I really NEED to answer RIGHT NOW. They can wait a few minutes.

I thought of a list that I needed to make while the girls and I were at Dunkin' Donuts together. But then I thought, 'Well, Lord, there are times to make lists, and there are times to be present with my girls. I won't die if I don't make that list right now. And I won't die if I happen to forget something because I don't write it down this very second. So I just entrust that list of stuff to You. Could You help me to remember it later on at a better time?'

A Pinterest idea popped into my brain. I pushed it aside. No need to be multi-tasking 24-7, always planning and researching my next project. There is time and space for that. But the time should not be 'squeezed into every single extra little second of downtime." 

When we were in the dollar store together, the thought flitted through my mind to grab my phone and check my texts or Facebook just real quick. But guess what?! I had left my phone in the car on purpose! Eat it, iPhone! Not gonna control me and my relationship with my girls anymore! I'm gonna be present to them! I'm gonna look them right in their littles eyes as we're perusing good old dollar store paraphernalia while I can...because the sad thing is that they're gonna be 35 in the blink of an eye. 

And don't these two look like Happy Girls? I happen to think that there's an extra special happiness on their countenances because their Mama chose them today over distraction, over fragmentation, over being scattered. 

And when we got home...they ran upstairs to play together...and I sat down for five minutes...and I made my list. And I checked my texts. And I found that it really wasn't so appealing after all. Once it was put in its place for a morning, the phone didn't seem so magical. And I didn't feel so fragmented. I felt more whole. Even though it was just a morning. So it makes me wonder what a lifestyle of putting that iPhone in its place will be like. I hope I can find out. 

Sarah Howard

#parentingHOPE

C.S. Who?

It seems that part of being a modern Christian is loving C.S.Lewis.  I mean, who doesn’t?  A prolific writer, teacher, and scholar, not to mention brilliant thinker, C.S. Lewis shows that believers can roll with the intellectual best-of-them.  Most of his casual admirers, however, have no idea that at one point in his life, C.S. Lewis was a staunch atheist.  And not just an atheist because he hadn’t heard the gospel, but an adult who, having been raised in a religious home, grew to reject the faith of his upbringing.

As a father of three, I worry about my children rejecting the faith of their upbringing.  I have seen the statistics.  Just about half of millennials identify as Christian, even though 80% were raised in Christian homes.  There are lots of theories as to why they are leaving, but that just makes the prospect of my “prevent defense” that much more difficult.  I see and hear the same worry from other parents in a similar position.

Then I look at C.S. Lewis.  It was his skepticism that drew him away from the church as a young adult.  He rejected what he saw as faith without logic.  But it was his skepticism and intellect that ultimately brought him back.  In fact, he credited G.K. Chesterton’s book The Everlasting Man, which was a logical rebuttal to an H.G. Wells book (did nobody have first names back then?) with turing him from an atheist back to a theist.

G.K. Chesterton once said, “There are two ways of getting home; and one of them is to stay there. The other is to walk around the whole world till we come back to the same place.”

I don’t want my children to doubt what I have taught them, but I do I want them to be skeptical, to question what they are told by authority figures.  I want them to think for themselves, be creative, and consider alternative points of view.  I know that I cannot ultimately decide for them what path they will follow, but I can rest in the truth of what I have learned through my own doubt, skepticism, and discovery.

I can also look at the life of C.S. Lewis, who took the long road, around the world, and came back to where he started.  Keeping this in mind makes parenting a little less scary, and reminds me that God is in control of all paths, not just the one I’d choose.  And perhaps it also makes me want to call my children by their first initials.  

Jeff Hyson

I Needed to Bake

I needed to bake. I had volunteered cookies for the ladies retreat.

I flipped on the oven and my little countertop TV in the corner.  I would love to tell you I wanted the company of the History Channel or an equally educational PBS station as I worked in my kitchen, but I most likely was clicking up the dial to 137 or 157, the Hallmark channels. Yes, I do love the sappy, trite, and predictable.

Suddenly, there was Super Nanny. I think I had heard of her, but I had never watched her in action. I set my remote down and listened for a bit as I scooped the dough onto the cookie sheet. Nanny was coaching an attractive but haggard-looking couple on how to get their adorable little Gabriella to bed by 8 o’clock. I paused and turned my attention to the fray, curious.

I watched as this persistent daddy cradled his kicking and screaming 3- or 4-year-old’s face and said something like, “It’s time for bed. I am taking you back to your room and you must stay there. You can’t have Mommy. You must obey my voice.” As instructed, he would carry her back and firmly place her in her comfy bed, pull up her covers, and walk out. Within seconds, his hysterical daughter would reappear in the living room, throwing herself on the floor in wild protest. Sweaty but determined, the daddy scooped her up and retraced his steps to put her to bed again and again. What a tantrum!

I was amazed at this stubborn, sassy, little girl’s strength and tenacity.  I bet she carried on for a good half hour before she finally gave in to her exhaustion. I winced. It all seemed vaguely familiar--and way too personal. But it wasn’t until I was sitting at the retreat a few days later munching on my cookies, that it all came together—painfully.

I’m Gabriella!

I am that angry and impudent child. I have a loving Father who knows what’s best for me. He made me, after all. And He loves me. When I rebel or kick up a fuss about His plans, His purposes, or His designs for my life, He gently but resolutely holds my cheeks, looks into my eyes, and tells me to listen to His voice and do as He asks.  

Laura, our speaker at the retreat, reminded us that God alone is the Potter. I love that word picture! My creative, all-wise Maker is asking me to let Him refine me and remove the rocks, stubble, and junk that are deeply embedded in my heart, hidden even from me. He longs for me to allow Him to press, mold and shape me on His wheel, to let Him place me in the fire…it all involves my willing surrender to His hands. I must trust Him and give in to His loving desire to make me more like Jesus, a useful vessel He can use. I can heed His wooing or I can throw a royal fit. I can give myself over to His perfect plan, one I don’t know and can’t control, or I can fling myself on the ground and presumptuously take charge of my own life. Gabriella.

I can climb up into His process and stay there. Or I can be an insolent brat.

I choose the Potter.

I believe there’s no safer place to be than in His hands.

Eileen Hill