Show Me Your Day and I Will Show You Your Life

My birthday is in January, so when the new year rolls in, it always feels like an extra blank slate to me because it's a new calendar year and a new age, all rolled into one. 

This year, at the commencement of 2017 and of age 32, I had a sense that I knew what would be a good next step for me in my development...but I haven't been QUITE willing to 'look it in the face' fully and embrace it...because it would require a bit on energy on my part and an intentional change of routine.

It's like with our children, how sometimes we think about what would help them move to the next level academically or physically in sports. It could be, for the homeschooling Classical Conversations mom, pushing a child to become a 'Memory Master' of the content. Or it could be switching dance schools to a harder teacher, or perhaps a more grace-filled one, depending on the needs of that particular child. But we know it will move our child's development to the next level.

Well, when I think about myself, I'm pretty sure that I know what will help move me along to the next level of development, spiritually, emotionally, socially...in so much of who I am as a person.

But I'm a little bit skittish about it, because it's the basic idea of...

I'm the kind of person that it's just easy and natural for me to do what seems 'immediate and neccessary' to me or what seems 'nice' in the moment to me. But I'm realizing that I have these things that I value, or I want to value, but I end up only valuing them 'in theory' because I don't intentionally carve out time and energy to develop these values in my life. Because I'm too busy just doing whatever seems immediate, neccessary, and nice.

Let me be more specific, so you know what I'm talking about. They're not huge things that I want to do, so they're easy to forgo.

In 2017, I want to make sure I process my emotions well. I used to be a frequent journal-er, but life as a mom has made it easy for me to push journaling to the side too often. I so believe that the light and life of God come to me when I bring my real emotions to God, my Maker and my Redeemer, and let Him inform me about how to live, how to think, how to feel, how to react. He changes me from the inside out. But it's way too easy to just go through life experiencing emotions but not really processing them.

I'm also coming to realize that the time has come for me to delve into my parenting philosophies again: when I first became a mom, I studied and read about which method I wanted to follow, what I believed would be the best 'path' for our family in how I mothered my girls. And when they were a little older, I knew I didn't understand much about authority and teaching a child to follow a parent's leadership and voice, so I watched my husband, I asked him to help me learn, I read some books...I learned. I'm sensing that in 2017, it's time to learn again. It's too easy for me to just respond to my daughters...and have my interactions with them have pretty much nothing to do with immersing them in the Gospel- the very Good News about what Jesus did and accomplished on the cross and what it means for how we get to live. I want to make sure that I set up boundaries for my girls that lead them to places where they realize that they do, in fact, sin. And when they get to that point, I want to be learning and growing in my ability to point them to the great Rescuer, the one who can wash them clean and accept them because of His performance, not theirs. I want to make sure my parenting is about more than just doing what feels natural or easy fixes in the moment.

And lastly, I happen to know that the way that I think about myself and the way that I interact with other people is just too often a reaction to the insecurities and the shame that resides within me. I don't naturally live believing that what God says about me, in the Bible, is true. In 2017, I'd like to at least make sure that I'm hearing what God says about me, and not just hearing my own insecurities and shame. 

But none of that will ever happen on its own, magically. Of course, it doesn't happen by works alone, either. It's like a mix of making space, making time, and letting God to do the work that He alone can do in me. But on my part, in 2017, the part that I am responsible to embrace and grow in is...

What I'm thinking it will look like is just building into my regular routine short snippets of time that I regularly honor: I'm picturing 20-30 minutes of something very practical on a weekly basis to reflect each of these values...so that I don't just 'value them in theory.'

For example, I'll plan out when I will take time to journal, when I will take time to read and think through Paul Tripp's parenting book (14 Gospel Principles That Can Really Change Your Family), when I will spend time in God's Word taking in what He says about me, and when I I will study and think through some books about shame and how it affects how I think and what I do.

I don't think that the kind of discipline that I'm talking about requires a superhuman amount of energy. I think it just requires a little bit of time, but repeated consistently. Something I put on my calendar and choose to honor, week after week.

One of my favorite singer/songwriters, Sara Groves, talks about this concept on a commentary of her song 'On Your Mark,' (which can be found on Spotify...the album is called Floodplain). She talks about a Dorothy Day quote that says:

"Show me your day and I will show you your life."

When I heard that, it resonated with me. And it also scared me a little. Because it's so easy to just float through life thinking that I'm really valuing things, when I'm only valuing them in theory...and my life will end up reflecting that. But in 2017, with the help of discipline, I want to make space in my days for my values, so that they truly are a part of my life.

Like a Child

Our family is just recovering from the stomach bug this weekend. It has been a crazy flurry of staying up with two kids on the couch while they drift in and out of sleep, to being sick and having tons of loads of laundry. Before this weekend I have had a sinus infection I can’t seem to kick, and the girls had colds. AND, in the midst of it all, we have had some rough days trying to teach my 2½ year old to come under authority. So, amid the tissues, tears, tantrums, vomit and snot was one frazzled, impatient momma and some grumpy babes.

I have been here before, where everyone is sick and I feel spread thin (and this is no discredit to my husband because he has been sooo helpful). It isn’t the first time Savanna hasn’t obeyed, and it won’t be the last. However, these are the moments, although normal and reoccurring, that seem to catch me off guard in terms of how fast they can bring out the ugly in me and steal my joy.

I remember one day in particular last week where it seemed like my daughter threw a tantrum almost every time she didn’t get her way, which, as you can imagine, was a lot. I felt like the whole day I was a referee breaking up little fights over toys and doling out verbal warnings, time outs and spankings. Midway through the day we took a break for lunch. I was hoping food would improve all of our moods at that point. We ate in quiet except for worship music playing in the background. Savanna finished first and asked if she could get down and dance to the music. She LOVES music. I said yes, and then she asked if I could play her favorite song which right now is “What a Beautiful Name it is” by Hillsong. I turned it on for her and returned to the dining room table with Alathea. As I sat there, I looked and saw her twirling around with her arms up, belting out the words to the song. My heart melted.

In that moment, as I watched her and listened to the words of the song, it was as if a light bulb went on in my head. “Oh! Jesus.” I thought. I realized that although I pleaded for grace and mercy all day and all week long, I hadn’t made any time for my heart to be refreshed. I felt his invitation to come before Him. I may not get huge amounts of time for extended prayer and worship, but what is the posture of my heart toward Him during the day? Am I open to His leadership, perspective and voice?

Being a mom and being invested in the growth of my children feels like it is teaching me more than it is them sometimes. I learn so much from their little lives. For example, sometimes I act as if God showing up in my life or addressing certain things is because He is trying to rain on my parade rather than because He too is invested in how I grow. In comparison to God, I will always be as a child. I need to come under His authority as I train my girls to come under mine. I can trust that the way He leads is perfect, even when He opposes what I want, as I too am training Savanna to obey even when she doesn’t get what she wants 24/7. When I want her to hold my hand while crossing the street, I am not trying to ruin her life or limit her freedom but keep her safe. How often do I view my limits as a curse rather than a blessing? What are some areas that God is trying to lead me in that I may be acting like a tantruming toddler?

I am sure there are ways that I act like a “brute beast” (Psalm 73:22) before Him in my lack of understanding, yet He never ceases to delight over me. That moment after lunch while watching my daughter dance carefree, my heart was filled with love and joy. I thanked God for invading my day and week when I had forgotten to seek Him and for His gentle training of me. How kind He is. The rest of our day still had its moments, and the rest of the week we spent recovering only to get sick again, but I felt more joy in caring for my family and grace for their learning as I remembered that I am learning too.

A Timely Tip from the TV

She thought she was pretty funny.

Our next door neighbor called us a couple of weekends ago--that frigid, nasty, and snowy Saturday we had in mid-January. She said she was calling to check on us. The TV news anchor had just suggested that viewers everywhere reach out to their elderly friends and family members to make sure they were safe and warm. Really?

I know I had a relatively big birthday this past year, but elderly? I’m not sure I’m ready to think of me or us in those terms just yet.  Besides, I grew up with my neighbor…we are practically the same age! It was all for fun, and we had a good laugh at ourselves, crotchety old codgers that we are becoming.

Although my friend was just joking around with us, her call gave me pause. After a few minutes of consideration, I made a few genuine calls myself. Were the older folks I care about okay? Were they safe and warm, plowed out and well provisioned? Was there anything they needed me to do for them, to go out and buy for them? It was a very good idea to check. That news guy got it right for a change.

I read a quote a while back that has stuck in my head. “Never lose sight of the fact that old age needs so little but needs that little so much,” Margaret Wilbur wisely observed. I think she’s on to something not so little. It’s huge, in fact. And not just for winter snow days.

As our elderly, truly elderly, loved ones age, their world shrinks and closes in on them dramatically. Their focus turns inward and ease and comfort rule the day. They eat less, notice less, socialize less, work less, and, yes, basically need less. Much less. A TV with a remote, some microwave meals in the freezer, a cranked up electric heater, a couple of tubes of BENGAY, an occasional phone call, a case or two of vanilla Ensure, and a boatload of pills—they are good to go.  Please don’t think me flippant. I have observed this, with a few variations, too often not to mark the inevitable pattern. Some of this is out of necessity, not being able to physically and/or mentally handle the challenges and rigors of the day-to-day. Some of it may even be a financial issue. Some of it is simply the inevitable aging process.

But, for whatever reason, gone are squeaky clean windows, well-manicured lawns, Clorox whites flapping on the line, canned peaches lining the shelf, dinners at Kentucky Fried Chicken, driving the camper to Florida to winter, Christmas cards, routine visits to ShopRite with the envelope brimming with coupons, and, sadly, even the weekly and dearly missed church services. The old is gone, the new has come. Things once sacred and uncompromising and obligatory are now optional and even considered unnecessary. These things no longer fall into the category of “needs.” A variety of food? An uncluttered living space? More than one change of clean clothing? A weekly shower? A bad credit report? Who cares?

While our loved one’s list of perceived “needs” may be shorter, those needs are quite costly for us, the caregivers or the concerned friends. Just keeping track of doctor visits and prescription drugs can be a full- time job. And then there is laundry, yard work, grocery shopping, housework, mail, personal hygiene, and bill paying…things now on the “noncompulsory” list for our older folks, things too difficult or painful or unimportant for them to deal with. But how compulsory for us! How big that “little” may become for those who seek to help.

Do you have a real elderly neighbor or friend? Do you know of a senior saint here at LFA that has no family to support him or her? Do you have an aging mom or dad or grandma or grandpa? Do you have a friend who is caring for someone dear? Max Lucado, in Grace for the Moment, Volume II, wrote something pertinent to this discussion. Have a look.

What is the sign of the saved? Their scholarship? Their willingness to go to foreign lands? Their ability to amass an audience and preach? Their skillful pens and hope-filled volumes? Their great miracles? No.

The sign of the saved is their love for the least.

Those put on the right hand of God will be those who gave food to the hungry, drink to the thirsty, warmth to the lonely, clothing to the naked, comfort to the sick and friendship to the imprisoned.

Did you note how simple the works are? Jesus doesn’t say, “I was sick and you healed me…I was in prison and you liberated me…I was lonely and you built a retirement home for me.” He doesn’t say, “I was thirsty and you gave me spiritual counsel.”

No fanfare. No hoopla. No media coverage. Just good people doing good things.

I like that. It helps me know what I need to do.

Because it seems to me, then, that we as God’s people most effectively demonstrate just who we are, followers and lovers of King Jesus, by caring for and serving some of the “least,” in this case, His precious elderly. And we can accomplish that by doing the little things that they need so very much in their tiny worlds, even if it inconveniences us or consumes our time. We can also, I think, please the King when we encourage and/or assist a full-time caregiver, some of the most exhausted and loneliest people around.

Jesus said that whatever we do for the ones He called the “least,” we are actually doing it to Him. Can you even begin to imagine what that means, what that would look like, what that would cost? Talk about doing a good job! Talk about being faithful and intentional and diligent! Talk about patience, kindness, gentleness, and love! If that’s not a compelling reason for purposefully and whole-heartedly helping a little old lady or gentleman, then I don’t know what is!

So, call somebody the Spirit brings to mind today. He’s got someone, I’m sure. Grab a few groceries for him the next time you’re out. Bake some cookies. Rake some leaves for her. Get the mail. Visit. Offer a ride to the bank. Sit for a couple of hours with an elderly mama so her harried daughter can get her hair cut or have a coffee.  At the very least, call your mother! But don’t say it’s because she’s old—just a warning.

It’s little things. But they are things that mean so very much.  To your elderly neighbor and to King Jesus.

Yep, that newsman was right on target. So was my sweet neighbor.

Who knew?