(By Diego Cuartas)

Recently out of my own personal struggles in relationships, God has brought me to a point of “crisis of belief”, as Henry Blackaby would call it. My point of crisis came as I realized a couple of days ago how reluctant I have been to admit some relational disappointments. I am so thankful for the loving perseverance of my wife and her godly counsel to me. My conversation with her took place on Sunday night. The next day as I was working out and deciding what to meditate on, God led me--as He has many other times--to read the first letter of John. I am so thankful God spoke to me. What became evident to me through my reading is that how I relate to others plays a big part in how well I “abide” in Christ. Put differently, how I relate to others impacts how I relate to God. My relationships can either become a stumbling block or a stepping stone to abiding in Christ.

In verses 5-10 of chapter 1, John indicates that fellowship with God is directly linked to me walking in the “light” instead of hiding or pursuing the promises that any “darkness” offers. John says that when we walk in the light we are positioned to have fellowship with God and also with one another. Darkness hinders fellowship with God and other people. The beautiful thing is that when I choose to walk in the light I can be a beneficiary of all that Christ offers to sinners like me. In Him I can receive forgiveness and a cleansing of the things that are not aligned with His purpose and design for me. The alternative for relating this way to God and others is to pretend or live life as if I was not a sinner, someone who has fallen short of God’s expectations and unable to help myself. This alternative, according to John, makes me (or anyone) a liar. Thank God there is hope for us--the first verses in chapter 2 show how Jesus can very efficiently advocate for us before God the Father. Jesus makes my abiding in Him a real possibility!

Furthermore, in verses 7-11 of chapter 2, John offers a very relational perspective for us to consider. He teaches that the disposition of my heart toward others will result in a “stumbling block” in my life when instead of loving others I choose to hate them. Hate can be understood as an aversion or hostility toward another person. And hating, according to John will keep a person in bondage to darkness. Darkness, says John, not only blinds me to others but it keeps me walking in the dark. This darkness that hinders relationship hinders in turn my abiding in Christ. In chapter 3 verse 24, John emphasizes this truth in the following way: “Whoever keeps his commandments abides in God and God in him.”

Relationships can be a stumbling block to our abiding in Christ if we do them in our sinful ways or if they keep us far from obeying God’s commandments. The messiness that is revealed in relationships can point us to our need of a Savior, our need of an advocate and our need of a Healer. Apart from the love and mercy of God we can’t love others well.

So how am I to treat other sinners, especially those who cause me pain and disappointment? The answer is simple and profound: the same way God has treated you! Take a moment to allow the following statements from John Piper (Good News of Great Joy: Daily Readings for Advent, page 36) to give you a renewed perspective:

How shall a holy and just God treat us sinners with so much kindness as to give us the greatest reality in the universe (his Son) to enjoy with the greatest joy possible? The answer is that God put our sins on his Son, and judged them there, so that he could put them out of his mind, and deal with us mercifully and remain just and holy at the same time. Hebrews 9:28 says, “Christ was offered once to bear the sins of many.” Christ bore our sins in his own body when he died. He took our judgment. He canceled our guilt. And that means the sins are gone. They do not remain in God’s mind as a basis for condemnation. In that sense, he “forgets” them. They are consumed in the death of Christ. Which means that God is now free, in his justice, to lavish us with the new covenant. He gives us Christ, the greatest Reality in the universe, for our enjoyment. And he writes his own will—his own heart—on our hearts so that we can love Christ and trust Christ and follow Christ from the inside out, with freedom and joy.

Obviously, we are to treat others mercifully as we have been treated mercifully. The basis for such mercy is what God has done in Christ. He alone can call our sins into judgment. We are not the judge of others’ sins; He alone is. It is amazing that both the authority for judgment and hope for redemption rest in God. As long as I hold others through the lenses of my judgment I will not be free to lavish love on them. And as long as I hope in their ability to change, I will miss trusting in what God alone can do in them.

For thought:

Which relationships presently help you abide in Christ? Which ones do not?
How are you relating to others? Is the way you relate keeping you in the dark or in the light?
Have you experienced the mercy of God? How is his mercy impacting the way you relate to others?