My big sister died a couple of weeks ago. I am still in shock, processing the grief that fills my heart. I have been immersing myself in promises from God’s Word, in comforting hymns of the faith, and receiving counsel and prayer from trusted, wise friends and family. What a blessing to be part of the family of God, to be cared for by not only my Father, but by my brothers and sisters in Christ! I am most thankful.
I also have found help in my journey of grief through the writings of some of my favorite radio pastors. May I share one from Allistair Begg in his devotional, Truth for Life, that encouraged me? I think it will encourage you as well.
Gracious Gratitude
“Being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.” Colossians 1:11-12
Almost everyone appreciates a good gift. Family, freedom, leisure, a warm bed, and a refreshing drink all make for a grateful heart, and we’re all naturally able to express at least some measure of gratitude for them. “Thank you” is a phrase we learn young.
The American revivalist Jonathan Edwards helpfully distinguished between what he referred to as “natural gratitude” and “gracious gratitude.” Natural gratitude starts with the things we’re given and the benefits which accompany them. Anybody is capable of natural gratitude. Gracious gratitude, though, is very different, and only God’s children can experience and express it. Gracious gratitude recognizes the character, goodness, love, power, and excellencies of God, regardless of any gifts or enjoyments He has given. It knows we have reason to be grateful to God whether it’s a good day or a bad day, whether we’re employed or unemployed, whether the daily news is upbeat or overwhelming, whether we’re completely healthy or facing a terminal diagnosis. Such gratitude is only discovered by grace, and it is a true mark of the Holy Spirit in a person’s life. Gracious gratitude enables us to face all things with the awareness that God is profoundly involved in our lives and circumstances for He has made us special objects of His love.
When Jonathan Edwards died as a result of a smallpox vaccination, Sarah, his wife, wrote to their daughter, “What shall I say? A holy and good God has covered us with a dark cloud.” Notice the honesty in that. There’s no superficial triumphalism. But her husband was not taken out by chance: it was the overruling sovereignty of God that determined the right time to bring Jonathan home to his eternal reward. And so Sarah continued, “But my God lives and he has my heart…We are all given to God; and there I am, and love to be.”
Amid grief, we will never be able to speak words like these from natural gratitude, which cannot help us in loss. Such reflection can only flow from gracious gratitude. You may be facing difficult or even heartbreaking circumstances at the moment; and if you are not, then that day will come, for this is a fallen world. But in those moments, you can cling to God’s love and choose to trust God’s goodness, expressed most clearly at the cross. Then, even in the darkest hours, you will know the joy of His presence and always have cause to give thanks to Him. There is strength, dignity, and worship in being able to say, “The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD” (Job 1:21).
So, friends, with the help of the Holy Spirit, the disposition and intention of my heart is for gracious gratitude. I don’t grieve as one who has no hope. I am thankful, I am confident that my sister is with our merciful Savior, the very best place she could be. And I am choosing to cling to my Father’s love and trust His goodness, His timing, His wisdom, and His sovereignty as I unexpectedly walk through this valley of shadows and dark clouds.
He is with me. I know I am His. I am given to God.
There I, too, love to be.
Even in my grief.
Especially in my grief.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
And it’s okay to miss her.
—Eileen Hill
