Picking up the small, tattered book, I blew off the dusty cover. It fell open in my hands and I read this preface, one I had read many, many times before.
THE SEEKER
God is a Father. I a weary child. He is beyond all thought or reach of mine, but if I come to Him, He will lead me blind and weak among the dangers—guiding on, I follow through the strangest winding paths: and He will lead me to His own belief. I trust everything to Him. (Diaries, 1856 {age 23})
Instantly, I remembered why I had used this little devotional guide for so very many years. As before, my heart thudded in my chest and my eyes spilled over with tears. Hannah Whitall Smith spoke my language, expressing in powerful and touching words the cries of my soul, the swirling, elusive thoughts of my brain. Words I just didn’t have. Words I so wished to be true.
And I had forgotten.
For the past several years, I had chosen a variety of authors and different devotionals to accompany me on my yearly journeys with my Father. And, honestly, none had lived up to my pretty high expectations. Because I am usually adamant about finishing the things I start and, honestly, because I already spent the money, I will continue this year’s devotional selection through December. Maybe it will get better. Come January, though, God is Enough, this well-worn classic by Mrs. Smith, will sit on top of my Bible in my chair once again.
But for today, I flipped eagerly through the coffee-stained pages and ended with glancing at my scribbled notes on the inside of the back cover. When I am reading, I love to write down subjects and verses that particularly touch me or ones that I want to study further or use in my writings. I like to remind myself down the road of particular things God is teaching me or ways He wants to refine me or use me. Most of my books are pretty marked up.
At the top of that last page, in fairly large print, I had scrawled:
Aug 29-
Prayer of Total Surrender
Curiously, I flipped back the pages and searched for that date. Here is what I read.
Totally Consecrating
Lord, I am Yours, Yours wholly and Yours forever! I am Yours by the purchase of Your blood, and I give myself to You now as a living sacrifice—body, soul, and spirit—to be as clay in Your hands.
I give you my heart, Lord, to love only what You love, to hate what You hate, to endure all things, to suffer long and be kind, to be not easily provoked. To think no evil, not to seek my own, help me, oh my God!
I give You my mind to be wholly devoted to Your service and perfectly under Your control, to think only those thoughts that will please You, to devise only such plans as You suggest, to yield the management of all its affairs to You. To bring every thought to the obedience of Christ, help me, oh my God!
I give You my body to be used by You—my eyes to see only what You would have them see, my ears to hear only what You would have them hear, my feet to go only where You lead, my hands to do such work only as can be done in fellowship with You, my tongue to speak only words that please You. I give my time to You, Lord, to be all Yours. Help me, oh my God!
I give You my children, my husband, and all whom I love, to be disposed of according to Your will. I leave to You the ordering of my whole life, and with Your help will follow You wherever You lead. I will give You the control of my feelings and of my prejudices. I submit in short my whole being and life—all that I am, and have, and will be, to Your control; and ask only that Your will may be perfectly done in me, through me, and by me! Take me and keep me, oh my God! (Diary.1859)
Wow. I needed this, I said out loud. I need to make this declaration.
And there, right by August 29, I had penned “2007” and the words, “I needed this.” And my all-knowing and gracious Father had led me right back to this prayer of consecration again, one I needed then, one I needed now. He is so kind. And He wants all of me. All the time. Still.
I thought about life since 2007, sixteen years of some pretty difficult and ugly life (and death) situations and circumstances. Also many beautiful ones. I am so thankful I was safe in my Father’s protective arms. In joy and sorrow, He was always near. And for much longer than just sixteen years!
This is not a one-and-done surrender. Too many times I find myself untying myself and crawling off the altar. How often I try to go it alone, impatient at perceived delays in getting what I want! How often do I chase after false saviors or fall into idolatry? I get busy. I get lazy. I get careless. I am broken. I am messy. I am easily fooled. No matter. I am His child and He still wants me. He patiently calls me. He forgives my wanderings. Oh, I need to give myself to the loving Father every day.
Did you need this reminder today too? Did you need to remember Whose you are and tell Him you do?
Hannah Whitall Smith, such a faithful woman of God, will be happy to remind you too. I have learned a lot from her honest and insightful writings.
Maybe you will want to read through God is Enough with me next year.
Let me know.
We can be Seekers and Surrender-ers together.
He is waiting.
—Eileen Hill
