A few days ago I came across one of my lost journals in my basement by accident. I wasn’t too excited since I knew, based on my journaling habits, it probably contained a bunch of blank pages. I opened it to find only two entries. The second one read:

12/16/15
Purpose of parenthood: Connect child to source of life. Root child in living waters. Jesus is the root. He is the way to the Father. He gives us water that keeps us from thirsting again. Once a child can draw water from the Father, through Jesus, they are ready to live on their own.

Is it possible that we too often prioritize independence as the main objective of parenthood? Convicted, I asked myself these questions: Is the independence I encourage in my children rooted in an increasing dependence on God? Am I teaching my children how do things on their own or how to do things with Him? Am I promoting self or God-dependence?

I shared my conviction with my wife who pointed me to Ezekiel 29 to find an example of the terrible consequences of the independence that comes from self-dependence. Here the Lord says to Pharoah:

“I am against you, Pharaoh king of Egypt,
you great monster lying among your streams.
You say, “The Nile belongs to me;
                        I made it for myself.”
But I will put hooks in your jaws
                                   and make the fish of your streams stick to your scales.
I will pull you out from among your streams,
                                   with all the fish sticking to your scales.
I will leave you in the desert,
                                   you and all the fish of your streams.
You will fall on the open field
                                   and not be gathered or picked up.
I will give you as food
                                     to the beasts of the earth and the birds of the sky.”

In Pharaoh’s case, his independence would lead to dependencies and bondage. This is also the case with our children. The one who believes he owns the Nile will be hooked like a fish. The one who seeks control will be controlled. The one who seeks ownership will be owned. May we not encourage an independence in our children that will lead to this destruction. Independence is not a guaranteed sign of growth in the right direction.

In contrast, the bible tells us of another king who had an independence that came from His dependence on His Father. In fact, He was so dependent that He did nothing apart from His Father. (John 5:19:20). With His Father He was able to escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. He was truly free. Like Jesus, may our children’s independence in the world be the byproduct of their dependence on God.

Our kids are watching more than they are listening. Do they see us as self-made? Have we taken ownership for the Nile in our back yard? Do our words and actions model a personal dependence on God?

May God help up us to be living testimonies of His provision, and may dependence on God, not independence, be the measure by which we gauge maturity in both the young and old.

To God be the Glory,

—Roger Garrison