Well, I finally got my first Covid shot! Aside from being almost 90, I can check many of the comorbidity boxes, so I guess it was time. And it signals the possibility that these past miserable months may really be coming to an end.
My daughter, with whom I live, is a NICU nurse at INSPIRA, and because of my extreme vulnerability and her exposure to new mamas who might be ill, she shipped me off to Ohio to stay with my son. I love all my sons and daughters, but I was there for months, and my life came to a virtual halt. I’m sure that many of you experienced the same things I did: I won’t bother to list them.
When I came back to New Jersey, some of my dear friends did come to visit me; they on the outside, and me on the inside mostly, and I was so glad to see them, and to talk to others on the phone. But of course because of my vulnerability I didn’t go ANYWHERE. And without my really being aware of it, it began to get to me.
I am really not a negative person; my children have often tired of my”Pollyanna” approach to things, but I recognized that I had little interest in going anywhere or doing anything. I realized that it must be depression!
One result of being as old as the hills is that I rarely pray results, except, of course, when asked to. I figure that God is not sitting up there waiting for me to give Him instructions. I pray for people. But I knew I needed something. He is my Father, He loves me. He knows me. To the best of my ability, I know Him. He didn’t want me like this.
So I looked inside myself, searching for the empty spot where something was missing. And it was so clear; it was JOY! I had no joy! I’ve had three knee replacements, so I can’t kneel, but God knows all about that, and He heard me anyway when I said, “God, give me JOY!” Because He did! Right then! I could FEEL His presence so strongly! And I remembered what I know clearly, that joy does not depend upon circumstances; it depends upon a relationship, with our God, who loves us even beyond our own understanding.
The Lord says I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and protect you. So rejoice in the Lord and be glad, all you who obey Him! Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure. Psalm 32, v.8, 11
—Norma Stockton
