I have literally have started to write this blog four different times, thinking I knew how it should begin, but each time right clicked and hovered over the “cut” prompt and tapped my touchpad on the computer…with no words typed out except …
‘I heard the voice of Jesus say…’
In all reality, all that is all really important to me right now is what Jesus says to me. That is how I live my life. It is a choice every day. Even today, I have made that choice. But it is not easy sometimes. My current reality looks like this…
I’m looking at a cheeseburger with a lettuce bun wrapped around it because I have decided, with the help of my best friend Jessica, to start the journey of being gluten free. Looking for gluten free items in a grocery store can be daunting at times when you are an avid bread lover like I am. Some stores, I’m told, have a gluten free section in order to make shopping a bit easier. But others have the items spread thinly throughout the store. It becomes like a scavenger hunt, looking for that little tiny dark brown tag under the grocery item of choice. Then, when you and your friends decide to order pizza, (yay, let’s get some pizza!), well, this is another lesson I have come to be aware of. A small, gluten free cauliflower crusted pizza that is only made in a personal pan size is the same price as a large regular pie for 8 people. $13.99 to be exact, and that does not include toppings.
It becomes overwhelming and frustrating.
Some of you have followed my physical journey for the last eight years. It has been very difficult. I shared with my band last night, in tears, that I am so confused and frustrated that no matter how many times I have been prayed for, anointed with oil and cried out to God, He has not healed me yet. I know He can just say the Word and it will be done. He has done that very thing, healed me miraculously on the spot twice before. I stood, and still stand, amazed. He is God, the Great I Am. The Good Father, Faithful, Just, Merciful and Forgiving. Loving, Kind, Compassionate, King of Kings and Lord of Lords. My Savior and King, forever. Those are the facts. They never have nor will change. No matter what emotions or thoughts you or I have. But,
It becomes overwhelming and frustrating.
The most recent findings from my Rheumatologist up at Cooper is that I have fibromyalgia, which got diagnosed 25 years ago, and the autoimmune disease Rheumatoid Arthritis. Basically, my cells are attacking my joints all over my body. So, I started the new RA drug this very morning. It comes with its concerns. I had to get the retinas of my eyes examined before I could go on it since it can damage your retinas, which is irreversible. So, it is a big deal to me.
It becomes overwhelming and frustrating.
So, what do I do with all of this overwhelming and frustrating stuff? I cry. I talk to Jesus all day, in and out of conversations with Him, knowing that it is only going to be through Him that I will have any clarity to this confusing journey I am on. Last night at band practice, the drummer stopped drumming and said, “Lois is real quiet over there on that keyboard.” Then, our leader stopped and said she wasn't going to play another note but just look at me. As she did, I began to cry. God worked through my band last night to minister to my heart. They prayed over me, again.
Then, as I left my home today, I talked with my best friend Jessica. I cried and cried, telling her how overwhelmed I am, how frustrated and confused I am in all of this. As I collected myself and proceeded to drive out of the driveway, I said to Jesus, “I feel like I am having a breakdown…” and just as clear as can be, I heard immediately, “You are having a BREAKTHROUGH”. I was so full of joy that it wasn't a breakdown that I was experiencing but a breakthrough, allowing my heart to feel the sorrow over brokenness. I long for all things to be made right, to have broken things put back into order, working the way they were originally made to. Before sin, pain and death entered the world. FOR ALL THINGS TO BE RECONCILED BACK TO THE FATHER.
When I heard the voice of Jesus say that, the confusion that was present began to clear. The frustration turned to joy.
2 Corinthians 1:5 says this , “5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.
I came to realize that the overwhelmed and frustrated feelings I have been having due to limitations my earthly body experiences, are a form of the above verse. It made sense to me because He allowed it to. My Good Father showed up and was faithful to show His daughter what was going on. My tears of confusion and sadness turned into tears of relief. He knows. He sees. He understands. He gets it. And I am ever so grateful that my God, my King, my Savior is Jesus Christ that knows me like that.
This week, I celebrate Jesus, just as every other week of the year. But, this week has some very special aspects that we celebrate. This is what happened 2000 years ago on my behalf and your behalf. Everyone's behalf for that matter. Jesus Christ, God’s son, willingly went to the cross on behalf of each one of us. To die a gruesome death in order to pay for all of the things that are broken, diseased, sick and sinful that ultimately led to death. Things that are not like God, the things we have done wrong called sin, and the wrongs done to us - He died for them ALL. He then came back to life, having victory over death and offering life in heaven with Him forever. You can have a personal relationship with Him as well. You can learn to hear His voice. During those times when you're overwhelmed and frustrated in the midst of your suffering, you too can have what I have. He loves you just as much as me or anyone else. He made you and loves you. That is the fact, no matter what you feel or think. You too can have the same HOPE I have…
If you say, “Yes, Jesus,
I want to live my life learning how to
hear your voice and follow you.
Amen and Amen.”
—Lois Robinson
