Before I married, I was the engineering clerk for thirty young light oil engineers in R&D at Atlantic Refining Company in Philadelphia. There were no computers then, and my job was to create charts and graphs for use in their presentations. They would give me their raw data, and I would plot it on a graph, which would then be photographed for a slide. Sometimes past data determined yet unseen future results, and I could plot the curve I had and then extend it to approximate the future testing probability on my graph. This, as you probably know, is called extrapolation.
In life, we often use this same method in determining the best course for our present decisions. We all should know that decisions we make today may influence what happens to us next year. But sadly, not everyone gets it. And then we end up in circumstances we never would have chosen and don’t know how to fix. And the people in this boat for whom I hurt the most are loving, well-meaning young parents, who do not seem to apply the principle of extrapolation in their authority issues with their little ones.
Absolutely basic is the necessity to establish authority from a very early age. Households where the children are in charge are very unhappy places, which I personally avoid at all costs, not having earned the right to do bodily harm. The image of inmates running the asylum comes to mind. These poor children have never accepted, indeed, have never been taught, that their parents are the absolute authority in their home, and that there will be consequences for disobedience. Perhaps their parents hate to crush their little spirits. Perhaps they hate to hear their little ones cry. Perhaps they think it’s cute when little Joey punches his Daddy.
Let’s extrapolate. How about a ten-year-old who has never had his wishes denied, rolling around the floor in a tantrum in a large department store (I’ve seen it!) and screaming at his mother? How about a girl who knows that all she has to do is to cry to get what she wants? And how about a teenager who actually physically attacks one of his parents? I know that there can be psychological problems and other factors which can adversely affect a child’s behavior, but the roots of even some of this can be found in early training. Sometimes the parent him/herself has grown up rejecting authority , and is having to learn it as an adult. A child who grows up without respect for or recognition of authority will fight it in every relationship, and believe me, the world is a hard, tough teacher. It is so much easier, and infinitely kinder, to instill this in a little child.
So how to start? Moms, Dads, be aware of the small, seemingly insignificant things you do and say!
“Do you want to go to bed now?”
“Shall we get dressed now?”
“What shall I fix you for dinner?”
And on and on. Of course we should give our children appropriate choices - but not ones where they can say “no.” These matters may seem unimportant to us, but they are not so to the child. He learns one of two things: that his wishes supersede everything else, or, hopefully, that doing what Mommy and Daddy want is safer and much more fun. And there is something far, far more important.
As Christian parents, the thing we desire above all else is that our children know and love God. TELLING THEM ABOUT JESUS IS NOT ENOUGH! If a child hates authority, why would he want to love a God who is going to tell him what to do? Why would he want to follow Jesus, when he is very sure that he himself knows what is best for him? When he has no respect for any earthly authority, why should he believe in any other?
God created family. God created authority. A child who is raised with full acceptance of the strong, loving authority of his parents will so much more easily accept the concept of a Heavenly Father who loves him beyond understanding and a Savior who loves him in spite of his failings, and died for him. As parents, the very best thing you will ever do for your tiny baby is to determine in all circumstances to model God for him or her, and to show consistently a loving authority in your home. Extrapolate every decision, and with God’s help and direction the result will be a child who feels loved and feels safe, who understands authority and consequences, and is ready to open his heart to the One who loves him best.
—Norma Stockton
