Let’s talk about sleep. More specifically, what you should know about me and sleep.
My roommates used to joke about my obsession with sleep. They’d laugh at the death threats I’d send them via text if they didn’t quiet down in the living room. They’d joke about the groggy monster I was in the morning, knocking over chairs and shoving them out of the way for a cup of coffee. I think they were using humor as a coping mechanism.
I still hold a small but potent grudge against a certain group of gentlemen who, during one of our church’s summer ministry internships, woke a group of us up at 6 am to “make us breakfast.” I’d never heard of such a cruel joke in my life. I begged the girls not to open the door. “They’ll go away eventually and we can all go back to sleep!” I cried. Breakfast smeakfast.
During my internship with UrbanPromise, a couple of my housemates woke my roommate and I up in the middle of the night with firecrackers. Again, just a harmless prank but I later wept to my best friend, asking her, “why do they hate me so much that they’d wake me up?!”
So yeah, sleep is kind of my thing.
During this week’s Sunday service as Nate talked about worshipping God fully I was honestly pretty frustrated. I wasn’t connecting to any of the examples he gave of what we worship instead of God. That’s not to say I don’t struggle with fear of money or fear of man or anything else but it just wasn’t hitting home deep in my heart. I kept saying to God, “okay I know I’m not perfect, I know I have idols, so where is the conviction I need?!” But throughout the service, I was mostly just distracted. I was sooo tired. I kept thinking about how uncomfortable I was, how exhausted, how frustrated that I had so much to get done after I left church and that I didn’t feel like doing any of it.
Then it finally hit me. That’s all I can think about? I know exactly what my idol is.
Because I’d had already hit the snooze buttons about 5 times too many and showed up to the service a half hour later because I valued sleeping more. I wasn’t paying attention to the service or meeting God because I was focused on what I wanted or thought I needed. I was dreading making time for people throughout my time and week because I just wanted to crash in front of the TV and hibernate.
My idol is comfort. It slips past me so often because it just feels like I’m living life. It doesn’t show up in the big choices but in the smallest moments and most ordinary thoughts. But seeking my own comfort inhibits me from loving God and people every single day. Even as I confessed to only thinking about myself and what I wanted I started noticing the people around me that I wanted to talk with and bless and love. I try not to give too much credit to my emotions in moments like that, but the peace and joy I felt were unmatched by anything but what God gives. Honest to goodness freedom.
God calls me to love and worship him even in the little cracks and crevices of my heart where there’s usually no room for anyone’s desires but my own. I know to look to God in the big stuff but just like every real relationship, its about commitment in the ordinary daily stuff too.
Author:
Jessica
Noblett