My 13 month old loves to greet everyone and everything by saying “Hi!” in an escalating tone until they turn and acknowledge her. It usually makes them feel uncomfortable, and I laugh at the awkward exchange. However, on a daily basis, the word “some” comes in a close second for her most used word of the day. Sometimes it means she wants more of whatever she is eating or that she wants to touch something that she probably shouldn’t, but more often than not it means “I want what you have.” She will take turns asking everyone for some of what they are eating, even if she doesn’t really want it or even if she has just demanded to get down from her highchair because she is “all done” with her food.
As we as a church are now 10 days into the fast for the Millville church plant, it has taken me up until yesterday to decide how I wanted to participate. What was I going to fast and why? We were encouraged to identify what we turn to for our sense of satisfaction other than God. I scratched out the traditional, food, because I am on a strict diet with my second pregnancy. I initially decided against any type of media fast, having been convinced that I really spent little time using it; but alas, it turned out to be media anyway, specifically my use of Facebook and Pinterest.
I’m not going to go on a tirade of why I think either of these sites is bad because I don’t think they are. However, I feel like the Lord revealed to me a little of my own heart in how I use them at times. Pinterest, although it can be used to organize ideas and inspire creativity, can also, just like good circulars and magazines, be used to cultivate desire. After surfing through all of the endless possibilities for creativity, I find myself desiring to make, wear or be a part of whatever comes across my page that day. All of a sudden, I NEED to eat sriracha shrimp and wear bohemian pants while making a beautiful summer dessert in my perfect outdoor kitchen. I picture my reaction to the plethora of the ideal and the beautiful displayed in creative recipes and tasteful style to be much like my daughter’s. “Some, Some! I must have some.” A type of hunger has been created.
Now, I feel sort of intimidated after having been drawn into a picture perfect moment all the while knowing that it’s just that. It is PICTURE perfect and maybe not that realistic or practical. So… naturally I next go to Facebook. I try to keep up on the “news” in distant friends’ lives, but the longer I’m on the more I feel drawn into a comparison game where my sense of worth and identity then comes from how I stand in comparison to other people. “Are my pictures of my family editorial enough? No? Well neither are so and so’s. Ok I’m fine.” Therefore, Pinterest worthy moments can tend to become my aspiration and Facebook my affirmation of how close I am to that ideal and therefore how well I am doing. As long as my search ends favorably then I’m “satisfied.” Uh oh! If God is good, then I don’t need to look for my satisfaction elsewhere. Oops! How often do I give the better parts of my day and thinking to things that are far less worthy and unable to ultimately satisfy? Well that’s convicting.
During these 30 days, I am choosing to ask God to realign my hunger. I need Him to increase my appetite for His voice and perspective versus my desire for cheap substitutes. I am choosing to break from my sense of ideal, perfect or even good and asking God to give me more of His perspective as I create more space to be still. May He reveal His heart to me in even greater ways concerning myself and my worth, my family and the city of Millville. 10 days late, but I am jumping in. If you haven’t already done so, I encourage you to do the same. I am looking forward to what He has to say to me and you.