If Only

“All I need” – a song written by Sara Groves describes (in a fun way) how we are never quite satisfied with what we have. 

It starts off with:

“All I need is my love for you and a seat for two” 

and by the end of the song:

“All I need is a sectional and a satellite tv
And dark-wood cabinets that were custom built for me
And a painting by that guy that paints with his feet...

That's all I need
For now”

That is me. I am an “if only” girl to the bone. My whole life, every joy, every sorrow, every change was accompanied by my “if-only.” God has been teaching me so much of the freedom He has for me if I can break free from this thought process. If-only He did it sooner. (Just kidding) 

When I was single I remember thinking life would be just perfect if only I got married. I met a super fantastic guy and we married. Life was not perfect. I know what was missing – children! If only I had children, life would be just perfect. So, I had 2 amazing, wonderful daughters. Life was still not perfect. A change of scenery is what I need. That’s it. If only we move closer to our family and our church, life will be just perfect. We moved. That wasn’t it either.

Now, those are big things, but I do this with everyday little things all the time. If only I can watch some TV, take a nap, have a clean house (without actually having to do the work myself), buy something new, have a pretty garden, get a special dessert, get my nails done……then, and only then, will I be happy. 

I was always searching for the next thing to make me feel good. I would cry out to God “What is wrong with me? I believe in you. I love you. Why am I never satisfied?” The cool thing about God is that if you really want to know the answer, He will show you. For many years God has been gently and slowly changing my heart. He has made it clear to me that I do not trust him for my happiness. I trust me for my happiness. As you can probably tell, that is not going so well. This line from a recent sermon is a truth that God has been revealing to me for a long time. 

“God is good so I don’t have to look elsewhere for fulfillment.” 

Getting married and having a family were not bad things to desire and I believe with all my heart that God has blessed me with those gifts. My problem was that I was looking to my family to fulfill the desires that only my Savior could do. I was relying on my husband to make me feel complete. But he couldn’t. Why? Because he is not supposed to. I needed to learn and really understand who I was in God’s eyes. I began to search for how God viewed me. What I learned was I am exactly who I was designed to be – a princess of King Jesus. Set apart. Adopted. Loved. Valued.  I began to look to Jesus to help me with my heart issues like being content where I am and feeling loved and valued. 

I have come a long way and I still have a long way to go. I know I will never have it all together until that day I meet Jesus face to face. But I am learning that it is ok and I am in process. My life on earth will never be, and is not meant to be, perfect. 

Philippians 1:6

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

 Dara Born

Dara Born