My life right now is all about the unknown. There almost isn’t a question you could ask me about my life in 3, 6 or 12 months that I have an answer to other than “wherever God says next.”
Of course, because of my severe control issues (also known as FDD or “Flexibility Deficit Disorder”) I learn big lessons about letting go and embracing God’s timing and trusting His character every time I hit a life transition such as this.
This time feels a little different because I think I’m also learning about being proactive and not just reactive even when I have no idea what’s happening next. My natural instinct is to only react: to go kicking and screaming all the way- and who among us is really any different? I don’t know anyone who looks forward with joyful anticipation to any change they can’t predict, control or understand ahead of time. It’s just plain scary. It’s the same feeling I have when I watch a movie without first seeing a preview or knowing anything about it. I have no idea what will happen next or what the big storyline is.
In this case, I don’t know if we’ll be moving this year or when that will happen or if I’ll need to change jobs. There’s very little I can predict or even guess. My tendency in the face of that would be to make plans anyway, add up pros and cons lists, research the best season to move and develop three back up plans, just to be safe.
And all of that would be in vain. I’ll still wait until God says “go” or “stay” and that will have nothing to with the weather or what I see in front of me.
All this to say, the lesson in waiting on God isn’t only about not running in circles as I try to weigh the odds of what will happen next. It’s about showing up where I still am. Now. I’m learning to be faithful in what God has already given me. I may be surrounded by my neighbors and co-workers and community for another two months or two years but either way I’m called to love them.
Until the day comes for something new, I’ll show up where I am now and trust that God will do the rest.